Rob “Britain’s Shame” Pattinson goes out with a non-male friend

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Dear Rob,

Yesterday you were caught with someone who wasn’t a man friend. And we KNOW that’s against the rules. You were called “Britain’s Shame” by Oh No they Didn’t. Are you THAT bored with your one non-man friend out of the country that you’d risk being branded as a cheating man-whore? WHY was there not more than 12” of space between you and that semi-attractive home-wrecker? Isn’t that rule #72? And doesn’t rule #8 stipulate that if you HAVE to go out- and something tells me this enthusiastic guy was the reason you left the house cause who can say no to THAT face- then the girl must NOT be hotter than a 2.5. And she’s DEFINITELY a 6. Possibly a 7.

Have you heard what they are saying about you online? In the comments on Pop Sugar ALONE there were things like this:

Ashaa said:

SHAME PATTINSON, POOR KSTEW

and Oni2 chimed in:

once a cheater always a cheater, and Kris just said she could never be with anyone that cheats on her. This is going to be very bad..

user 1278698 said

false, hypocritical, untalented actor, miserable traitor, disloyal friend, liar, deceiver ………………… disgusting!

and then ashaa chimed in again:

MICHAEL ANGARANO IS MUCH BETTER FOR KRISTEN, THEY SHOULD GO BACK

Are you going to take that? I’ve already set up a username for you User: 1345679 (password: SHAMED) for your rebuttals. And next time you’re approached by an enthusiastic guy, tempting you to join him and, not one but TWO non-male friends, here are some things you can do instead:

  • Vacuum the bear-skin rug. I KNOW there are some sort of fast-food crumbs matted into the hair
  • Knot all Kristen’s Tshirts so she has one less step to do in the morning
  • Compose new love songs to play after your next skype sex session
  • Continue teaching Bear to say “I love you”
  • Start to teach jella to say Kristen- or to use the toilet. Train her to stay OFF of the Bear-Skin Rug 
  • Put together your beer tree
  • Finish your unpublished love sonnets for Kristen- call Stephenie Meyer for some advice on getting published.
  • Go to the Target Photo center with Bear & Jella to get pictures together as a surprise for Kristen. Bonus- use them as Christmas cards & send them to your parents, TomStu & Nick & Stephanie.
  •  Go to all the Twilight fansites and thumbsdown anything that may be even slightly offensive towards KStew (You have that username I set up for you!)
  • Put on a play with the dino nuggets for your secret youtube account
  • Distress your new $80 plaid shirts so they look like they came from a thrift store
The options are endless! And I know you have the Hot Pocket Fort still tucked away for a rainy day. Consider ANY DAY when the only option is “Hang out with non-male” a rainy day, ok? We wouldn’t want anyone to think you have a life, other friends, actually do fun things think there’s trouble in paradise, or anything.
Love,
UnintendedChoice (with lots of help from Moon & Gooseberry)

Disclaimer (Do I have to ???): I don’t think Rob is a homewrecker or a shameful person. And I don’t think that girl is a slut or a 6. She’s probably an 8. I DO think that Rob makes his Dino Nuggets talk.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHY WAS ROB WITH ANOTHER GIRL? HOW COULD HE? OH MY GOSH. WHAT REASON WOULD HE EVER HAVE TO BE WITH ANYONE WHILE THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY? I MEAN, HE COULDN’T BE WORKING, RIGHT? OR, HE COULDN’T HAVE FRIENDS OTHER THAN KRISTEN OR THE BRIT PACK, RIGHT? AND HE COULDN’T JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND AWAY FROM THE CAT AND THE DOG FOR SOME BREWS, RIGHT?

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79 Responses to “Rob “Britain’s Shame” Pattinson goes out with a non-male friend”

  1. Robjunkie says:

    Bwahahahahaha!Poor Rob, the crazies are furiously perfecting their effigies. This hideous slight against Kristen will not stand!

    Not gonna lie, even though I know it’s total BS and the outing was probably for some movie they might be doing together, I did get a litle bit gleeful at the prospect that Rob might be stepping out on Kristen. That twitchy twat doesn’t deserve him. I’m a horrible person, I know, so no need to remind me in the comments, kthanxbai.

    • sjaantje says:

      I agree with you actually. In my opinion she can’t seem to stand the fact that he likes her and that she, I am guessing here, likes him to. It probably takes every ounce of her control to accept the fact they are dating and have been for some time. It isn’t like they are married…are they?

    • dazzledtodeath says:

      I think you’re a wonderful person;) and I agree, it was with great glee that I watched the DRAMA unfold. Dun dun dun dun…

    • Robjunkie says:

      Okay, I have to add that I don’t really think that Rob could potentially be a cheater. I’m pretty sure he’s a lovely and loyal English boyfriend who would never cheat on his lady. Urrgh, damn you Rob, why so perfect?

    • pukesten says:

      alrightyroo a kspew bashing day, I knew my spidey sense was in overdrive today
      so I think….. meh …. not even this incites much of a reaction in me these days .. this time last yeah I would’ve been as apoplectic as the shippers
      it is nice to know youve other friends beside your girlfriend

      also that angry snapping at the photogs in the paparazzi video was all kinds of hot…. oh yes I did watch a paparazzi video, disrespected nice and slow

  2. sjaantje says:

    Interesting…it will be very interesting to see what direction this all goes in.
    In the mean time, lets just enjoy “Enthusiastic Guy” and his 15 seconds of fame.

    • You are right. Why did I make this post about Rob when CLEARLY the star of the night was the “Enthusiastic guy?”

    • TeamSeth says:

      Seriously! EG has got some serious deep pools of brown Bella eyes going on. I wanna go out dancing with him after losing at pool and winning at darts. #Ginandtonicsplease!

      Besides, Rob is clearly photoshopped into this photo… do you people think he wears the same exact outfit in every non-professional photo ever taken? No. He hides out in his 6 levels of security apartment and there’s only 1 real photo that exists of him. #obviously.

  3. Nelle says:

    Maybe his sister?

  4. Cazza says:

    Firstly, I’m laughing at the beer tree! The thought of Rob trying to put something like that together, wonky legs and all, would be disastrous and very entertaining to say the least.

    Secondly, I was wondering what kind of face I would pull if I was in the “enthusiastic guy” chair – in fact, forget the face. I would simply hold up my “I Love Ron” poster. My mother would be so proud.

    Thirdly, enjoy yourself Ron. Life is too short not to. The end.

    x

    • The Old One says:

      Is it wrong to just give a big yawn to the juvenile drama, but get really really excited about the beer tree and covet one for myself? Right, Ron?

  5. natteringyeahrobber says:

    Am I missing something or is the driver not wearing a seatbelt?

    Second, hoping that 6-8 (we all have our good days and bad days) woman is a LTR commenter. I have been living in a cave (only on Twitter a few times a day) for the last few days so this is the first I’ve heard of this. I can’t make out Rob, much less THAT WOMAN (said in Bill Clinton voice), but I’m just going to go ahead and assume it is one of us. Because if you are gonna party, do it right.

  6. dazzledtodeath says:

    Dear Rob,

    Have you considered entering a monastery until BD2 comes out? Maybe after it’s all said & done things will die down a bit and you can go out with whomever you please without causing mass mental breakdowns. Right now you can’t win, dude. You’re either a filthy, lying manwhore or a K’s pussy whipped bitch. If I had to pick I’d rather you be a manwhore, but I don’t think either is accurate. What you need to do is just disappear for awhile and wait for the storm of crazy to blow over. Good luck with that.

  7. JodieO says:

    I have already taken my Robsten: A True & Epic Love commemorative plates from the Bradford exchange and scratched Rob’s face off so that it may be replaced with someone who will not leave the house without her or have any friends not approved by us fans.

  8. Robsessedgirl says:

    well, in my humble opinion anyone is better than kstew. I like her as a person(she seems funny and stuff) but I don’t like her with him. he’s 25 freaking years old! he deserves to live life to the fullest(while using protection of course)

    • roslynselene says:

      Oh hey there! Nice to see you back. 🙂

    • LadyN says:

      You’re right. Someone like me. I’m at least a 4.5… in good lighting, good hair day, shaved legs and heavy makeup.

      At least.

      Just when I was getting used to Kristen as the gfriend, shit hits the fan. smh.

  9. roslynselene says:

    Enthusiastic guy should get his own meme. Oh and yes, all females other than Kstew and his mom are obv. his sisters.

    Also, my RL friend (yes, I do have them) said that Stew was “so awkward” (she was watching that one bit where you guys act out Twilight on Ellen). Thumbs down her, Rob -I mean 1345679!

  10. onemoreorless says:

    Rob! How dare you sit in a car in the middle of the night next to a woman other than KStew!
    Stop acting like you are a 10! Oh wait… actually you are a 10…so keep on whoring or just look hot while sitting next to women.

  11. yesjayme says:

    My favorite headline is from Jezebel.com: “Robert Pattinson Shares Car, Maybe Bodily Fluids, With Random Blonde”

    I also love that the bar is called ‘La Poubelle’, which is French for the trash. I’m sure it’s a sign that he wants to meet us at the dumpster behind the building.

  12. Munkee says:

    Damn we need a life. But we already knew that. It’s sad that this is so entertaining. It’s the comments that are priceless. Good job (again), girls.

  13. marysway says:

    First of all the entertainment this weekend was great! None of us “sane” ones can argue that. It was fun to speculate and come up with all these things about who and what they were and I won’t lie I did it too. But what is sad just like what was mentioned in this letter, poor Rob can’t win to save his life. The things said about him is horrible. Now on one hand he kind of brought that on himself but on the other hand I just feel bad for him. In one picture he just looks sad, and scared looking out the car window. I think he is still traumatized still from London Paps chasing him down. I don’t think Rob is a whore or a cheater. If he was with her anything other than work or a friend than that means he is a free agent to date who he wants to date and the girl was cute. She also had clean fingernails and hair. I do have a feeling that Rob maybe the bad guy (looking like the bad guy) in whatever goes down in the end. He does not deserve the treatment he got being called Mr. Stewart and is is true you really are married to Kristen. There are some bat shit crazy Kristen fans out there and God help Rob I hope he has body guards on double duty for now on and that poor girl is going to be screamed at and called all kinds of nasty names just because she was saw with Rob without Kristen. Yeah she may need some body guards too. Don’t get me wrong, it was all kinds of fun coming up with the scene in front of us…….and I have my fun too, but the reality of it for Rob anyway is freaking scary. Either way you look at it.

  14. Justthetip,EH? says:

    This just proves MARSTEN IS REAL.

  15. Jellybeanrainbow says:

    There’s angel JellyBeanRainbow who likes KStew and thinks she’s one of the cutest girls ever and thinks that they kind of have the same look, dress style, life values… and they are just perfect together.
    Then there’s devil JellyBeanRainbow who likes Rob single and partying like crazy and even manw*oring around sometimes.
    I think the devil JBR was happy yesterday.
    The normal JBR thinks that a group of friends and future colleagues went out and that was it.

  16. Edible art? says:

    It makes me laugh how Robs fans think she isn’t good enough for him and Kstews fans think he isn’t good enough for her !!! (but sending her back to Oregano – are u sure your her fan – seriously) I wonder if Brangelina have this problem ? I don’t know I have never read letters to Brad !!!

  17. Bethany says:

    LTR, again you made my day. Litchrally LOL’d. People be crazy.

  18. Maggie says:

    Dear 134579:

    Just opened my Google Alerts about you (why do I still get these?) and here were today’s hot topics:

    1) RP’s night out without KS;

    2) RP and Sara Roemer leave bar calling Kristen (I didn’t see a phone, but, oh well);

    3) the one about sharing bodily fluids (how did they get this information??)

    Now I see here on this post, that because of your antics, some fair-weather {{cough, krisbian, cough}} fan says that you are no longer a talented actor. Because, as everyone knows, spending an evening out with a date or friends or colleagues not only makes you a manwhore (which God, I hope you are), but, more importantly, it has greatly diminished your acting skills.

    In order to retain any acting skillls that you may still have left after this lunacy, here’s my advice. When KS is in a city, country or continent other than the one where you are, you must do the following:

    1) remain indoors as much as possible. That way it will be perceived that without the epic love of your life by your side, all you do is read scripts, watch old movies, and hug Bear and cry because you’re so lonely.

    2) if you must go out, only go alone to places that are either work related, Bear related, junk food related or guitar related. Don’t go to furniture stores – they’re way to controversial for you and your acting skills may diminish evern further.

    3) Allow no females rated over 2.5 to be within 12 feet of you.

    4) if confronted by paps, try to look more sad than mad. Red bleary eyes (from crying and lonliness) will help maintain your talent as an actor.

    5) lastly, if you must go out, call me. We can hang out and it won’t effect your acting abilities at all. In fact, you will probably be nominated for an Oscar.

  19. 40sumthin says:

    FABULOUS LTR! That’s all I’m sayin’!

  20. Beaspoon says:

    Oh man, hilarious LTR! I honestly can’t make out Rob’s face in this picture, but I will take the world’s word for it that…gasp! He was out with friends! How dare he! As someone who’s best friend is a man (a happily married man, I should add) I know a lot of people think it’s weird, but seeing this doesn’t make me automatically think, “Cheated!” IMO, he had a night out, hopefully had fun, and I’m sure Kristen knew all about it.

  21. Lay At Home Mom says:

    Hilarious post! Won’t lie, first saw the pics and was almost immediately giddy, yet very nervous. Giddy b/c I believe he is only with KStew b/c she does anal (hey, her face says it all). But nervous b/c at first I mistook “Enthusiastic Guy” for the creeper that contributed to Britney’s famous breakdown – Sam Lufti. And I was all “Oops he did it again” and briefly imagined Stephanie on a conference call with Nick, Claire and Dick discussing an intervention and conservatorship. But I googled Lufti – and it turns out that Enthusiastic Guy is merely just that – an enthusiastic guy. Now that I have regained my fangirl composure – I think this is innocent and that we (bitterly) have many months to come of Robsten (she sighs defeatedly). We can just stick this incident in the “Thwarted By KStew File” right next to Erika Dutra, Nikki Reed, and Michael Anagarano – however you spell his name… Boo, hiss…

  22. TwiSherry says:

    LMAO this was hilarious. I found it soooooo funny that I was at the grocery store yesterday & spotted a mag claiming Robsten got married….only to come home & find twitter all ruffled about this girl he was spotted with.

    Your post was perfectly sarcastic, witty, and funny, as always.

    #1 Seriously he’s allowed to have friends
    #2 Who cares – leave him alone & let him go out with whomever he wants

    IDK why people flip out over something like this. But, whatever .. it’s all in the game I guess.

  23. The girl in the back is a decoy. It’s the blonde driver you need to worry about. I should know 😉

    • Maggie says:

      He’s in LA and was spotted in a car with 2 blondes. (Well one was an ash blonde, but let’s not be picky). RFM, I’d say, using fandom logic, that the odds in your favor just rose exponentially!

      • Maggie says:

        Let me rephrase: What the events of that lurid evening meant is that ALL women in EVERY city of the world of EVERY hair color imaginable just had their chances with him rise exponentially!

        Better?

    • roslynselene says:

      “God thinks you’re hot? O.o He like, wants to make a baby with you? O.o So uh, where something nice…?”
      I’m going to hell for laughing at this WAY too hard than was necessary. Thumbs down.

    • pukesten says:

      wow she’s really learned to speak more good since that last video she did

      • roslynselene says:

        Oh damn, I shouldn’t have taken her class cause I just used “where” instead of “wear”. Thanks, KStew! -___-

  24. Mags, my comment was supposed to be discreet! Don’t out me publicly on LTR, jeesh!

  25. LadyN says:

    idk, might be just me but he doesn’t seem like he’s fucking her in that backseat…? Looks like plain ol day to day normal sitting side by side ‘general movement’ backseat drivers.

    I bet you he looked the other day so he wouldn’t catch that awkward heavy hot breathing she was layin on his neck 5 sec after that pic was taken. Cuz lets face it, Pretty people who are ‘7’ tend to have SOMETHING bad about them. It’s only fair for the ‘4s’ out there. Maybe its her bad hygiene.

    Kristen is somewhere sleeping in her dogs bed sniffling. Poor gal. I’ll help you mangle his balls if he ever did! You just stay in that bed. I’ll do the work. 😉

  26. Much better my dear! Don’t let them know I was driving the car 😉
    (posting from phone. Can’t comment directly)

  27. Today’s fortune: Be on alert for new opportunities in business or pleasure.

    Must mean pleasure of course. And the new opportunity must be Britain’s shame.

  28. Chela Madison says:

    Hilarious post. Also, I am now going to make a beer tree. I have been inspired.

  29. gorbetd says:

    U r too funny! My man was in the other room, while was was reading ltr. When came back in he asked ” what was so funny? U r busting a gut in here!”
    1. I didn’t know I was lol. BECAUSE I was in golfed in this world of sarcastic ,suger covered, eyes glazed, glee.
    My reaction- was” ummmmm”.
    Thinking -I really shouldn’t scare him further with the knowledge I read and enjoy LTR to feed my obsession of all things Rob.
    my answer-” just looking @ this pic of this guy that
    Looks really excited to have paps take his pic. Man, what some people will do for 15 min of fame.
    …From now on I’m reading when he leaves the house.
    enthusiastic guy saves the day!!!!

  30. gorbetd says:

    P.s. “honey, totally off subject but… what do u think of a pyramid beer christmas tree? Crafty idea huh:)

  31. Stella says:

    I can’t wait for the fall out on this one! Everyone duck!!!! Hee hee

  32. Pattygirl says:

    I can’t believe we are entertaining the trolls. but nice to see you guys here. A fan in need is a true fan indeed. The trolls in gossip site doesn;t need a reason to bash Rob , they do it on a daily basis, when seen is with a guy friend he is gay , when seen with a girl he is a manwhore. Nothing new here

  33. TheVenom says:

    This will earn me thumbs down, but I read (so far in my sleuthing-that’s normal right?) that
    1. One of the car chicks is Kristen’s friend
    2. He was a ‘fifth wheel’
    At first my heart dropped at the fact Robsten could be ending and that I feared all along this would happen. Then I decided that it doesn’t matter. I’m going to shamelessly hope that they live happily ever after and accept any deserved ribbing for feeling that way. Does that make me too crazy to comment? Happily ever afters exist dammit! PMSers probably should post, huh?

  34. TheVenom says:

    I meant PMSers shouldn’t post so I could blame my rant on hormones. Why should I care that tabloids are so mean yet I still read them? Kudos to couples who can survive such intense scrutiny!

  35. Brina says:

    If I were Rob’s drinking pal does that mean he’d sit in my lap in a car too???

  36. Jellybeanrainbow says:

    Can you explain who the trolls are? According to comments on some other site they’re the nonstens, but I can’t say who are you talking about here. Kthxbai.

  37. KeepOnKeepingOn says:

    I seriously can’t stand stupid people. Get off his dick, people! He can hang with whomever he pleases and just because it’s a female does not mean they’re screwing. Obviously, I don’t know Rob personally, but from the many, many interviews I’ve seen/read, I personally believe he’s not a cheater. If, by chance, he was with that girl, he and Kristen probably aren’t really a Robsten; however, I just have a gut feeling, he and that girl are just friends. I think KStew and Rob are definitiely together. Too much evidence for it not to be, ya know? Regardless, KStew or no, I’m a Rob fan. Love the man. If he’s happy, I’m happy for him.

  38. Kay says:

    here’s what actor Johnny Harris tweeted tonight about “twitchy twat” “kspew”: Kristen Stewart is as humble and generous as she is talented and dedicated..and that’s saying something! A great actress and a lovely soul x

    I dare the bullies on here to tweet what they wrote on here directly to him. I dare you. You people are PATHETIC. If you have kids God help them – no wait, God help the rest of who have to put up with them, as am sure they’re not learning about kindness from you. Get help.

  39. […] up an Angelino lady. So since you’ve been around these parts for some time now AND since you seem to the man about town these days with ladies and men and whoever I thought this might be a good little read for you… only me being a lady […]

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