If I didn’t have Rob

Hi dolls & unicorns (wait… Unicorns? Do we have them on LTR? Rob-icorns? anyway…) I’m in Hotlanta for a work trip so Beaspoon is here to share her thoughts on life if she (gasp!) didn’t have Rob:

Dear Rob,
Winter is deep here in Northeast Ohio, and because I am a sick, masochistic lion (omg, it never gets old, inserting Twilight movie
quotes into regular, everyday e-mails, lol;) I started to wonder today…where would I be if I had never discovered Rob? If I had never read the Twilight series and then saw the movie, what kinds of things might I have otherwise devoted my time towards? Really, if I didn’t spend the serious amounts of Rob-hours reading fanfic and perusing the interwebs for your recent whereabouts…what might have become of Beaspoon?

Scenario 1:

But if you're a size 2, then you wouldn't have boobs as big as these!

Instead of devoting my “free” time to Rob, I devote it towards exercise. Oh my geebs…I can see it now. Me…a size 2, instead of the tight size 12 I’ve been rocking for the last several years. See, as a stay-at-home mom of 2 pre-schoolers, my time is pretty easily divided into A) kid time, and B) Rob time. During most of the daytime hours, I am a fully devoted mother. But once the
devils…er, children, are in bed, I am on Rob time. Fanfictions, LTR, RAoR, Robsessed, my Google alerts (so, so sad, this one). I need to see the pretty. But just imagine if instead of devoting those minutes…er hours…a day to Rob, I devoted them to getting FIT and TONED and TINY. Oh my word…I would definitely be a size 2…or would I?

Scenario 2:

YOU could make me another one of THESE?

Instead of devoting my “free” time to Rob, I devote it towards needlework. Ok, ok, laugh it up, I know I’m “only” 30 and not
an old lady…yet. But this summer I taught myself to crochet, and I have to admit, I loved it and I was pretty darn good at it! For
like…two weeks. My crochet-obsession lasted 2 weeks, and then I needed Rob. I made about 6 amazing, gorgeous scarves and everyone was all, “Oh, you should sell these on Etsy!” and I was all, “Um, yeah, maybe, I need to check my e-mail…” (you know, for Rob stuff, lol). And it just didn’t happen. But imagine if instead of ROB…I CROCHETED. I would probably be the world’s most amazing crocheter (is that a word?). Or would I?

Yeah, there isn’t a Scenario 3. Pretty much exercising and crocheting were the only two alternatives I could come up with to “Obsessing Over Robert Pattinson.” But you know what? I don’t care. So what if I could be the world’s cutest, skinniest, most successful crocheter? I don’t care. I need you, Rob. I need your hilarious self-deprecating interviews and your gorgeous English accent. I need your terrible Twilight Edward and your non-existent New Moon Edward and your ridiculously good-looking Eclipse Edward. I need Art in How To Be and Tyler in Remember Me and I know I am going to need Jacob in Water for Elephants and whoever you play in Bel Ami (Georges? I always mess it up, lol) and the guy who gets stalked by Paul Giamati in Cosmopolis. I already know I am going to need him. Because here I am, deep in the winter blues, soaking up the gray and wallowing in depression and I know that every night come 7:30pm my laptop is ALL MINE and I can look at you and for whatever weird and crazy reason, I am going to feel better. Who needs to be a size 2 crochet genius when they have Robert Pattinson saved to all their favorites? Not me, Rob. Not me. I hope it’s warm and sunny wherever you are…if it’s not, I’ll
crochet you a scarf…or maybe just look at some web pages…

Beaspoon

What would YOU have gotten done with your life if Rob wasn’t “in” it? I’m pretty sure I’d spell better. The name I gave the first picture up there when I saved it to my desktop? “BobJob”

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