Dear Rob: Before Moon left me for all eternity (well, not that long but until August 18th- UGH!) we broke down the Bel Ami trailer. AND YOU THOUGHT WE FORGOT!
UC: Ohh man Rob’s first line to that man, “I only just got Out.” Um.. the way he says “Out” he kinda growls. It’s hot. I’m gonna rip that out and use it as my ringtone. “out” growwwl
Moon: dude the line “even the whores are getting raped” is SO awful even the 2nd time (I watched this yesterday)
UC: Um.. I think he said even the whores are getting RICH.. cuz it doesn’t make sense otherwise “paris is filthy with money, even the whores are getting Rich” phew! Rob’s whores are safe.
UC: Rob looks older. CGI wrinkles on his head?
Moon: dude that guys a dick telling Rob which knife to use. he’s not used to this fancy dining- he usually only eats with his hands DUH
UC: Duh.. he’s like “where is the microwave”
Moon: or where is the in n out? the burgers come in a wrapper- you don’t need utensils
UC: who is the older woman Rob gets it on with? Ohhh Kristen Scott Thomas… wow she looks OLDER than usual…. and it’s like…. weird.. seeing him get it on with a woman that old… I think he’s gonna give a lot of cougars some false hope…did you see this part where Cedric comes on set for the day to make love:
Moon: cederic is all up in 2011’s movies. first breaking dawn now bel ami. he is NOT dead. mr diggory’s boy did NOT die
UC: right. Cedric has (warning: Harry Potter Spoilers ahead- Moon you will just have to pretend to understand)… Cedric made horcruxes- 2 of them. Because he wanted to live on in Breaking Dawn & Bel Ami
UC: he was sad his life ended before he got down & dirty with Cho Chan in the goblet of fire, so he made sure to return in two movies where he could get it on with his co stars
Moon: WHORE crux
UC: WHORE crux!! Oh the jokes!
Moon: poor cho chan didn’t get a chance to get it on with Cedric in under that invisibility cloak. What CRAP!
UC: Look at you with your HP references! Acting like you know what you’re talking about!!
Moon: you ever wondered what a dinner with Rob and a bunch of Robsessed ladies looks like? that dinner at :50
Moon: they actually weren’t even acting- they just hired some ladies from the Rob fan club and their names just happened to be christina ricci, kristen scott thomas and whoever that other lady is- i bet that dinner was themed
UC: hahahaha!! that other lady is named Uma Thurman.! No biggie
Moon: like bella’s blood wine coolers and creamed panties peas
UC: they even decorated with feathers
Moon: wore sheets for dessert
UC: that dude got pissed b/c the feathers kept getting stuck in his stache
Moon: and every lady was undressing Rob with their eyes, so he decided to knock him down a peg by calling out his atrocious table manners. poor claire… couldn’t ever get through to him
UC: Poor Claire indeed…well, sorta. She DID get to meet some of her favorite movie actresses after all… She’s a big Kristen Scott Thomas fan. They had a lot to talk about..Claire just tried to ignore that she was fake-banging her son on screen (she has to do that a lot!)
Moon: too bad kristen kept asking claire boxers of briefs questions
UC: Actually every woman she meets has fake banged her son in their head. so she’s used to ignoring it
Moon: when Rob says “I’m going to ruin you” is it wrong that i like it?? that may be MY new ringtone
UC: hahaha it’s hot. Mad Rob is hot
Moon: I’m going to RRRRRRRuin you! all growly
UC: hahha he spent some time with a lion in preparation for all his lines
Moon: practiced during WFE filming
UC: so…. Rob looks HOT in this movie. and his growl is AWESOME
UC: but… i have NO idea what it’s about. So, let’s figure it out: Rob has sex with 3 different woman
Moon: I think that about sums it up!
UC: Rob meets a man with a mustache. Married to one of those woman. Rob gets married? To a different woman he despises? Does the mustache man try to RRRRRUin him?
Moon: Rob is a poor penniless lush with bad table manners who has a lot of sex, tells people he will RRRRuin them and then someone dies?
UC: He gets some sort of STD cuz he, looks real sweaty & gross at the end. Does he die? Terrorist attack agin? Or from a disease where you sweat a lot?
Moon: you KNOW he dies of the syph or something. i mean that much sex in turn of the century paris??? we’ve all seen the pbs movies and read the history books
UC: right. He TOTES frequented moulin rouge
Moon: shit was NOT pretty
UC: So I think we summed it up. Good job trailer makers. Georges (i had to look up his name. I thought it was Bel Ami) can’t read. But he sure can use his D*ck
strong>Moon: Oh at the end there’s another great quote/ringtone: “I’ve been such a fool”
UC: Georges makes a mess of things. Georges dies from the syph
Moon: also this dude who invites Rob to dinner should KNOW his wife is gonna leave him for Rob. R Kelly says don’t bring your chick to the club cause I might leave wit yo chick. DUH if you love yo chick don’t bring her to the vip, cause i might leave wit yo chick
Moon: any man who knows a Robsessed lady knows better than to bring Rob to dinner… that’s like throwing a steak in front of a lion… he will RRRRRUIN it
UC & Moon (in absentia)
So.. what did you think about the trailer!? Oh and THANK YOU to all who have submitted LTRs so far- I plan to read them all & respond this weekend, but keep them coming! I still need your help!! XOXO
Tags: , Bel Ami, ring tones, Rob Pattinson, Rober Pattinson