Storytime with LTR: Rob in Berlin

LTR friend JellyBeanRainbow went to Berlin this weekend & saw Bel Ami AND Rob. Here is her story:

Dear Letters To Rob headquarters,

soooooo, I went to Berlin. To see Bel Ami, to see Rob.

Berlinale palace grand entrance

I kept convincing myself it was fate, but it wasn’t really. I was off that weekend (I wasn’t really, but I’m friends with the girl who does our general schedule and she changed some dates). I was on Twitter when tickets for the movie went on sale  and, what a coincidence, I got one (no, I knew beforehand what time the tickets will be on sale and I prepared myself, set up the alarm clock at 10 am,  credit card  nearby and everything). The 5 star hotel nearby was incredibly cheap and I got a room with a view of the red carpet (true about the price, but I asked the lady at the reception desk for the view).

I was excited to go, but kept asking myself what the hale I was doing and why. I travelled to Berlin and spent hundreds of euros to see a movie. Really?

I stayed at Hyatt hotel where the press conference was scheduled, but I realized that after I booked it. I imagined myself sitting at the hotel lobby bar  with a cool diet Coke in hand , cool as fu*k ( the phrase some brit rock stars use) while Rob would arrive and mayhem and madness would start. I imagined myself being able to take a quick look at the press conference hall, a wandering hotel guest, being lost and being allowed to do so, just for a minute. Nothing of this happened as my flight was delayed for more than 5 hours due to snow at the airport I had to travel via on my way to Berlin. I arrived well after the press event was over and Rob was gone.

It was 4 pm by the time I changed and left the room. Red carpet was ready and there were some people, but there was still enough place in the first row on the side. I decided to take place across the red carpet, near the press area. First row, great view, I wouldn’t be able to get a photo or an autograph, but I’d see everything.

My original spot

It was 4:30 and although it wasn’t that cold, around freezing temperature ( it was waaaay below friezing the days before), there was terrible wind and icy rain was starting to fall down. Half an hour of waiting and I was so cold my neck and back started to hurt. I was dressed nicely, as you’re supposed to be for that kind of event, nice coat, a scarf, cute boots… No fleece, no ugly hat, no  Edward blanket, like some of the people waiting. Of course I was cold, but I looked good.  Later I found out there were people with a banner that said: Freezing for Rob for 30 hours.

Well, I’m not that fan and I had a pneumonia and 3 bad colds this winter so far, so I did the unimaginable: I left the red carpet, I left my good spot, I left the first row and went to the Starbucks to warm myself with a hot cocoa and to check via free wi-fi what was going on.

When I came back there were many more people there, but not only fans of the female kind, also families, older people who would have gone no matter who was the star of the evening. The first row was packed, but there were some empty spaces at the side. I was stupid and didn’t go there, because it looked too far away. What a mistake, Rob went there first to start signing when he finally arrived. I choose to stand on a small pedestal (one of many) at the top of the viewing area. There were no bracelets, no numbered spots, just a few security people. A half an hour before stars were supposed to arrive, anyone could still enter the red carpet fan area.
The view was great and behind me the limousines we’re waiting in line to drive to the red carpet.

I was looking at them and trying I recognize someone inside, I saw Dean, but thought no, it’s too early. Mistake, again, it was Dean and Rob was one of he first to arrive. Everything was calm, if I haven’t seen Rob, I couldn’t tell he was there. No screaming, no mayhem,nothing, just a slight excitement in the air, it could have been anyone famous.

Suddenly I felt I was too far away and wouldnt get any good photos, so I had to go closer to the red carpet. It was easy, people just stayed on their spots and in seconds I was very close to Rob. I took several blurry photos, felt my knees go weak, again starting to ask myself WTF I was doing there, stared at him, forgot to take more photos… and then he went away, walking along first row to the right side. My pedestal wasn’t available anymore so I went to the other side- the second row was still available. Rob stopped signing at the middle of the area and went to the right side and suddenly he was standing almost in front of me, again. Still no screaming among the fans, but a lot of pushing, for a moment I thought we all will fall down. I was so surprised he came to the right side so fast I forgot to put my Bel Ami book out of my bag, but it was too late, couldn’t do it anymore, in a second there was a lot of people behind and around me and I couldn’t move. Took some more photos and he was out of my sight soon.

I couldn’t believe my luck, I placed myself to the right spot twice so far. Well, almost. I felt so great, like an experienced fan, being so good at choosing the place to be, but soon the WTF am I doing moment kicked in. I was so excited, but I was alone. No friend to be excited with next to me. No one to talk about when the limousine stopped right in front of us and the Pattinson family exited. Not in the middle of the red carpet, but at the side. No one recognized them, they walked unnoticed. I was conflicted: should I say something, like   “Hi Dick&Claire”, or maybe Hello Mr. and Mrs. Pattinson, so I didn’t say anything. But I was freaking inside, proud of myself that I know who they were… And the WTF moment kicked again.

Pattinson family: Can you believe I was so close an I didn't yell at them?

Pattinsons walked for some time unnoticed, until the official photographers saw them and then they started to pose.  I think Victoria was the one with the boyfriend and I remember he looked a little like Stephen from Vampire Diaries, but taller. Some other stars arrived and they posed for cameras forever. At that time there was a lot of people in the fan area some brought the ladders with them and if standing at the back, you couldn’t see anyone on the red carpet anymore. But there were a lot of huge monitors so everyone could see what was happening.

I was taking the photos of monitors from then on. When they finally went inside, Christina, Holliday and Rob signed their huge photos hanging in the lobby and it was over. The majority of people left, but some stayed. I went back into my hotel and looked what’s happening from time to time through my window, but got bored soon. Did the fans really think Rob will exit the place through red carpet and sign some more?

I had ticket  for the Bel Ami screening that was the next day, in another place. I too walked the red carpet, but so did everyone who went by. It was just a movie, no cast, no fuss, no announcement…

After the jump, SPOILER ALERT– it’s JellyBeanRainbow’s review of Bel Ami Continue…

145 Commented


Dear Rob,

There was a rumor floating around on Twitter yesterday that your buttcrack would be starring in Bel Ami, the film (as opposed to Bel Ami, the book, which would be equally as awesome) which prompted cheers of joy heard around the globe, a twitter melt down, your grandmother to go into shock and me throwing my fist in the air, pumping it Jersey-style yelling, “BUTTCRACK ROB, BUTTCRACK ROB, BUTTCRACK ROB” in my office.

Apparently some lucky fans in Belgium got to see Bel Ami & spilled the details via twitter. My favorite twitter response goes to the entertaining: @Mama_Cougar:

Mama Cougar Tweet Buttcrack Rob

with Moon’s tweet as a close second:

Letters to Twilight Tweet Rob Pattinson's Buttcrack

And the news got me thinking about your buttcrack- what will it look like? How much will we get to see? What will the angle be? Will it be portrayed in way that will make me want to pull a quarter out of my wallet and try to insert it down your backside (Bel Ami is in 3D right?) Will it be attractive? Will it be (yuck) hairy? Did you shave the morning you knew what scene you would be shooting? Did you get little red bumps afterward? Will we see the red bumps on screen? Or Did you get your buttcrack waxed? Who made the appointment? Did you get a waxist recommendation from your mom? What was the reaction of the butt waxer when she saw whose ass she was about to de-hair? Was she shaking? Did she accidentally pull some leghairs off instead because she was so nervous? Did she try to convince you to get lazer hair removal on your ass? Can you even DO lazer on a buttcrack?

After pondering all that for a bit, I did a little “research” into “Rob Pattinsons’ Buttcrack” of days gone by. We have seen it before, you know:

There was Buttcrack Brazil  which was sadly overshadowed by Jumping Rob & all his adventures.

Rob Pattinson's Buttcrack Brazil

We’ve seen the TSA Buttcrack Adventure where even the major news media (aka TMZ) took interest


And who could forget the Buttcrack and Black Dots experience when you were filming New Moon in Italy?

We’ve even been lucky enough to get a Buttcrack on the Bearskin in the past


But as you can see- we’re due for a GOOD LONG LOOK a the real thing. None of this “just the tip [of the buttcrack]” None of this blurry screencap nonsense. Stop teasing us so! I want a big ol’ SHOT of the glorious thing. I want a camera ZOOM and a cinematography SWEEP. I want the composer to write an orchestral masterpiece for the moment when it’s revealed! [Now throw your fist up in the air and pump with me]



Are YOU exciting to see Rob’s buttcrack?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

36 Commented

Rob Pattinson in Bel Ami: Why we don’t really care

Dear Rob,

Last week we got an early Christmakuh present in the form of a new Bel Ami Trailer.

Well, it wasn’t exactly a present to us. 

It’s just not that hot

Chicago Friend: how do you feel about the bel ami trailer
UC: is there a new one?
Chicago Friend: i just saw it right now
UC: Oh.. I thought that was the same trailer.. but someone was just really behind in their Rob news. But.. I guess it’s different? slightly different clips? maybe?
Chicago Friend: i mean… it doesn’t look like… a very good movie? like it’s not surprising that it didn’t have distribution w/ hot stars like kristen scott thomas
UC: no… not surprising at all. And yes the trailer IS different. It’s more boring. Like so boring I just stopped watching it. And does it have distribution now?
Chicago Friend: i don’t know if it has it in the US? i mean… i don’t know. for some reason i thought it would be sexier? like, having sex with kristen scott thomas, who s probably like… 55 is not hot. ditto uma thurman. and christina ricci, ehh
UC: hahahahaha. You are SOOO right. I have never been interested in this movie…. and that right there is a perfect reason why. having sex with older woman, while so many of them fantasize about it.. WATCHING it is not hot. and christina looks anorexic. not hot. and it just looks… boring
Chicago Friend: i mean, shirtless rob, ok?
UC: okay but will i pay $11 and drive across the ben franklin bridge to south jersey to see it? probably not. Honestly. I don’t think I’ll see that movie. I’m saying it now
Chicago Friend: will i watch it when it’s on on demand immediately after theater release? maybe.
UC: i mean…. I haven’t even watched The Help yet
Chicago Friend: i haven’t either. that’s on the top of my netflix
UC: or that movie where Justin Timberlake and Mila do it a lot. so if bel ami is out in the spring (i think it might be? so it must have distribution?) and then on DVD in the summer… there’s a good chance it will be far down the list
Chicago Friend: yeah. unless someone’s just like “fine, come over. we’ll watch it.” like my interest in watching it alone is prettttty low
UC: i’d probably be depressed if i did… like really? my life is THIS boring? there are NO new NCIS episodes on demand? So i’m watching bel ami?

I know, I know. So Harsh. But come on, Rob, when have we ever been not honest with you?

I brought Moon in on the conversation a few days later:

Not what I meant

UC: I mean, I’m really trying to come up with some reasons for what would get me into the theater to see this movie. I’d go if I had tickets to the premiere.. or if there were guaranteed nude scene (male scenes- with him.. to clarify in case you thought i meant one of the old dudes)
Moon: Haha you’d go if there were man on man nude scenes?

UC: okay did you watch the bel ami trailer? And how do you FEEL?
Moon: I saw it. Why do i get a super strong Harlequin romacne vibe??? not that we dont all love us some heaving busoms and corset ripping… but is that really your follow up role choice after a blockbuster like twi???
Moon: i was thinking more along the lines of a gangster squad, oceans 11, hurt locker, even crazy stupid love type film
Moon: i mean even just follow the Gos’s footsteps. he’s laid out a solid career path
UC: Chicago Friend and I were talking about how weird it is to see him hook up with these older women. it would be ONE thing if they were all super relevant hot young thangs.. but….. i mean.. it’s kinda weird…watching him get it on with KST
Moon: yea none of them make me all hot and bothered. also i am not a lesbian so this might also play a part
UC: BUT… i like when Ryan gosling hooks up with pretty girls
Moon: but who wants to watch their mom or quirky cousin get it on with rob in period garb?
UC: it’s like… a bad dream
Moon: throw in an emma stone. im down! we ALL know im down for anthing emma stone. FAKE lesbian for her
Moon: like DO THAT rob but dont do aunt kristen scott thomas with a perm. GROSS

UC: I’m not even sure I’m gonna see it. Is that bad?
Moon: i’m more likely to go see ben schwartz perform imrpove before i see this. all that to say im sure ill see it because… hello LTR but its not even water for elephants level for me. i could get ZERO guys to agree to see this with me. even if i promised christina ricci’s big boob
UC: Mr. Choice LOVES KST & uma.. and there is no way he’d see this
Moon: this is why he needs to take my ABOVE career advice
UC: I mean, if there’s a NY premiere I’d probably go there and see what happens. I mean, i COULD run into Larry411 again like the premiere fo Remember Me
Moon: im sure there would be another devil horns photo opp if you went
UC: Why would I pass up the opportunity to give the crazies a little fun? I’d even POSE for them

But if Rob were a gay grandpa….

UC: SIDE NOTE: omg. did you see the video where the guys are gonna become grandpas? I have the Cullen smiles
Moon: awwwwww yes. so hilar and cute. Maybe rob should just be in a full length film about the gay grandpas. THAT would definitely get my butt in the seat
Moon: rob playing a gay, soon to be, grandpa. I mean with teen mom, it isnt far off. give him some salt n pepper hair and viola
UC: yes… I’d see that. I’d also see: Rob with Emma Stone, Rob in an action flick, Where he has to Run.
Moon: HAHAHA i forget action flicks would involve coordination of which rob mildly possesses
UC: Rob playing opposite a big wig like.. Matt Damon
Moon: Yea rob needs to be in a big ensemble cast where he is NOT the lead
UC: right– like Oceans 14
Moon: ive said it 50 times before and ill say it again
UC: something BIG
Moon: do something GREAT as a supporting actor
UC: nothing controversial…. like a biopic or something.. where people have opinions. nothing about history
Moon: THEN we’ll talk about letting you EFF grandmas on screen
UC: prove yourself first before you get that right

A Mustache would get us there

Moon: Is bel ami even getting a wide release??
UC: DOUBT it..
Moon: thank god i live in la and we get like everything but what about a good chunk of robs fans who live in normal places…
UC: I DOUBT it will have the same release as Remember Me. how could it? it hasn’t had the attention that one did.
Moon: WFE has been his best so far (non twi) and that was with BIG stars. I’d love to talk to stephanie, his agent and see what the deal is. i know he says he doesn’t like much and what he does like he DOES. I’m sure they throw EVERYTHING at him
UC: Let’s call them- Stephenie & Nick
Moon: yea we need to get a conference call going cause i dont get it. i know stephanie can’t MAKE him do anthing but some gentle (harsh) prodding would HELP
UC: Right… slipping a hot pocket under the script she really likes
Moon: YES positive reenforcement! Her and nick tag teaming could have gotten him in gangster squad as some cop at least
UC: taking him to Norm’s rare guitars and THEN handing him the script. Ooh- I just envisioned Rob with a moustache as a cop.
Moon: Ew!! i just saw him doing UMA and Kristin i cant add a stache to that image
UC: Oh I can. give me a minute.

UC: So that’s it? We’d for sure see Rob in a movie where he’s sporting a ‘stache?
Moon: I guess so….!

Sorry Rob, but take our advice and we’re THERE!

UC & Moon

I know FOR SURE we’re not alone in feeling soooo blah about this movie. And I know some of you cannot WAIT to see Rob in Bel Ami. Sound off in the comments! Are you on Team Bel Ami or Team “Keep Rob away from ladies with perms?”

Addendum: Moon just had an epiphany: Kristin Scott Thomas with a perm in Bel Ami= DEBBERT. That is EXACTLY how she imagined Debbert to look- with a perm & mousy brown hair. That’s why the trailer is so popular! So many Bel Ami fans are also fans of Debbert’s famed “Ello Love”

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75 Commented

Rob does Bel Ami; we have a few new ringtones to make

Dear Rob: Before Moon left me for all eternity (well, not that long but until August 18th- UGH!) we broke down the Bel Ami trailer. AND YOU THOUGHT WE FORGOT!

UC: Ohh man Rob’s first line to that man, “I only just got Out.” Um.. the way he says “Out” he kinda growls. It’s hot. I’m gonna rip that out and use it as my ringtone. “out” growwwl
Moon: dude the line “even the whores are getting raped” is SO awful even the 2nd time (I watched this yesterday)
UC: Um.. I think he said even the whores are getting RICH.. cuz it doesn’t make sense otherwise “paris is filthy with money, even the whores are getting Rich” phew! Rob’s whores are safe.

"These whores are aging me day by day..."

UC: Rob looks older. CGI wrinkles on his head?

Moon: dude that guys a dick telling Rob which knife to use. he’s not used to this fancy dining- he usually only eats with his hands DUH
UC: Duh.. he’s like “where is the microwave”
Moon: or where is the in n out? the burgers come in a wrapper- you don’t need utensils
UC: who is the older woman Rob gets it on with? Ohhh Kristen Scott Thomas… wow she looks OLDER than usual…. and it’s like…. weird.. seeing him get it on with a woman that old… I think he’s gonna give a lot of cougars some false hope…did you see this part where Cedric comes on set for the day to make love:

I want to show you my wand

Moon: cederic is all up in 2011’s movies. first breaking dawn now bel ami. he is NOT dead. mr diggory’s boy did NOT die
UC: right. Cedric has (warning: Harry Potter Spoilers ahead- Moon you will just have to pretend to understand)… Cedric made horcruxes- 2 of them. Because he wanted to live on in Breaking Dawn & Bel Ami
UC: he was sad his life ended before he got down & dirty with Cho Chan in the goblet of fire, so he made sure to return in two movies where he could get it on with his co stars
Moon: WHORE crux
UC: WHORE crux!! Oh the jokes!
Moon: poor cho chan didn’t get a chance to get it on with Cedric in under that invisibility cloak. What CRAP!
UC: Look at you with your HP references! Acting like you know what you’re talking about!!

Mr. Pattinson: would you pass the hot pockets?

Moon: you ever wondered what a dinner with Rob and a bunch of Robsessed ladies looks like? that dinner at :50
Moon: they actually weren’t even acting- they just hired some ladies from the Rob fan club and their names just happened to be christina ricci, kristen scott thomas and whoever that other lady is- i bet that dinner was themed
UC: hahahaha!! that other lady is named Uma Thurman.! No biggie
Moon: like bella’s blood wine coolers and creamed panties peas
UC: they even decorated with feathers
Moon: wore sheets for dessert
UC: that dude got pissed b/c the feathers kept getting stuck in his stache
Moon: and every lady was undressing Rob with their eyes, so he decided to knock him down a peg by calling out his atrocious table manners. poor claire… couldn’t ever get through to him
UC: Poor Claire indeed…well, sorta. She DID get to meet some of her favorite movie actresses after all… She’s a big Kristen Scott Thomas fan. They had a lot to talk about..Claire just tried to ignore that she was fake-banging her son on screen (she has to do that a lot!)
Moon: too bad kristen kept asking claire boxers of briefs questions
UC: Actually every woman she meets has fake banged her son in their head. so she’s used to ignoring it

Moon: when Rob says “I’m going to ruin you” is it wrong that i like it?? that may be MY new ringtone
UC: hahaha it’s hot. Mad Rob is hot
Moon: I’m going to RRRRRRRuin you! all growly
UC: hahha he spent some time with a lion in preparation for all his lines
Moon: practiced during WFE filming


UC: so…. Rob looks HOT in this movie. and his growl is AWESOME
UC: but… i have NO idea what it’s about. So, let’s figure it out: Rob has sex with 3 different woman
Moon: I think that about sums it up!
UC: Rob meets a man with a mustache. Married to one of those woman. Rob gets married? To a different woman he despises? Does the mustache man try to RRRRRUin him?
Moon: Rob is a poor penniless lush with bad table manners who has a lot of sex, tells people he will RRRRuin them and then someone dies?

"I got the syph, pop"

UC: He gets some sort of STD cuz he, looks real sweaty & gross at the end. Does he die? Terrorist attack agin? Or from a disease where you sweat a lot?
Moon: you KNOW he dies of the syph or something. i mean that much sex in turn of the century paris??? we’ve all seen the pbs movies and read the history books
UC: right. He TOTES frequented moulin rouge
Moon: shit was NOT pretty
UC: So I think we summed it up. Good job trailer makers. Georges (i had to look up his name. I thought it was Bel Ami) can’t read. But he sure can use his D*ck
strong>Moon: Oh at the end there’s another great quote/ringtone: “I’ve been such a fool”
UC: Georges makes a mess of things. Georges dies from the syph
Moon: also this dude who invites Rob to dinner should KNOW his wife is gonna leave him for Rob. R Kelly says don’t bring your chick to the club cause I might leave wit yo chick. DUH if you love yo chick don’t bring her to the vip, cause i might leave wit yo chick
UC: haghahaha
Moon: any man who knows a Robsessed lady knows better than to bring Rob to dinner… that’s like throwing a steak in front of a lion… he will RRRRRUIN it

UC & Moon (in absentia)

So.. what did you think about the trailer!? Oh and THANK YOU to all who have submitted LTRs so far- I plan to read them all & respond this weekend, but keep them coming! I still need your help!! XOXO

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63 Commented

We need some scandal in our lives, Robert Pattinson!

(Rob’s back in London, so where’s the good stuff? Is he back in the basement again with Tom or out with Dick and the sisters? We need something! Like some scandal. And we’re not alone…….)

You want a scandal? I’ll give you a scandal

Dear Rob,

We reached the point where it’s time to write you a letter!

I always said that I will never ever support this blog by writing a letter to you because I was sure that I am not that obsessed with you (I’ve been visiting this blog every day for almost a year now! I love you, U.C. and Moon!) …but here I am!

I know that it is the most selfish thing I’ll ever ask for(It’s not that selfish.It’s normal, right?) but I really want to see pictures of you Russell-Brand-style: you standing at your window in your hotel room wearing nothing but your (boxer-)briefs while smoking a ciggie(How are we still not sure what underwear this man is wearing.It’s not like he is a celeb or something.We are so bad fans, I feel like I don’t know a thing about him.)

I know Russell stood there fully naked but after seeing ‘The Tuck’ I’m not quite sure if I want to see that (Oh, believe me I want to, I just wanna marry you first… errr wait no)

I want to see your real skin tone, man! And not looking like the death himself. Give me a proof that your six-pack was just fake, like I always knew. Don’t mess with me, man!Don’t even try confusing my senses.twss)

Do you remember the time where you licked Anna Kendrick’s face? Or when you stumbled down the street talking about Russell Brand cutting you off at the VMA’s and mumbling that you drank “just a little”?

Or when you did other sexy/hot/dorky possibly career damaging things while being totally drunk a bit tipsy.

I want some scandals!(And that absolutely does not mean that I want to see you arguing with paparazzi.I certainly don’t mean that kind of scandals!) Nothing can seriously ruin your career! Let’s talk simple about this, Rob!

Sometimes I’m a little torn. I respect you for having such a clean image in comparison to some other celebs and it proofs that you take your job seriously and want to be taken seriously by us as your fans and by other actors and directors. And of course it shows that you are protecting your privacy which means to behave and avoid some things, some things which would make you happy.( I’m sorry for not making fun of this like I probably should to fit in the hysterically sarcasm filled place LTR normally is.)

But you really need to give U.C. and Moon something to break down ‘vanity-fair-style’. (editors note: SERIOUSLY Ron, we need this… we really want to break something down!)

For the last few months I’ve seen pictures of you cuddling with elephants or lions without teeth (Yes I’m looking at you, Kristen Stewart).

Really, you’re bored with me too???

Where is the old Rob who just did not care? I understand that you had to change a little bit because of the press. I know that is a hard thing to ask for especially when nothing can really shock us anymore because we have seen you doing almost everything except having sex. (Nikki?-not answering, lying on the beach somewhere on vacation AGAIN.Kristen?Oh no we won’t make you flip the bird AGAIN.Tom? How much more money do you want for this damn tape of the two of you ‘fighting’ for the last HotPocket wearing nothing but your briefs from Marks&Spencer-And yes Tom is wearing Rob’s briefs.)

I’m sure when ‘Bel Ami’ comes out my need for something ‘shocking’ will be satisfied!

Do something, Rob! Even if it’s a picture of you and Kristen finally giving up your ridiculous game and make out in public (Yes, I’d go that far.) or videos of you ‘slapping’ Taylor Lautner in the face for looking like an alpaca/getting on my nerves/being lame not traveling with Big Daddy anymore. Or a video of you dancing (drunk or not) like a ballerina or like a pro to some rap song wearing your pants from the Eclipse-fight-training! (I want to see that.)

Or ask U.C. and Moon for an interview because every interview with normal presenters (except the one with your friend Miquita Oliver from T4, which was hilarious) is fucking boring and because they are the best!


Big thanks to TPWPTMPORPP (whew, that was long) for writing in and can we all agree it’d be interesting to see Rob get into a little scandal now and again, right? Or do we like him being a little safe?


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101 Commented

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