We need some scandal in our lives, Robert Pattinson!

(Rob’s back in London, so where’s the good stuff? Is he back in the basement again with Tom or out with Dick and the sisters? We need something! Like some scandal. And we’re not alone…….)

You want a scandal? I’ll give you a scandal

Dear Rob,

We reached the point where it’s time to write you a letter!

I always said that I will never ever support this blog by writing a letter to you because I was sure that I am not that obsessed with you (I’ve been visiting this blog every day for almost a year now! I love you, U.C. and Moon!) …but here I am!

I know that it is the most selfish thing I’ll ever ask for(It’s not that selfish.It’s normal, right?) but I really want to see pictures of you Russell-Brand-style: you standing at your window in your hotel room wearing nothing but your (boxer-)briefs while smoking a ciggie(How are we still not sure what underwear this man is wearing.It’s not like he is a celeb or something.We are so bad fans, I feel like I don’t know a thing about him.)

I know Russell stood there fully naked but after seeing ‘The Tuck’ I’m not quite sure if I want to see that (Oh, believe me I want to, I just wanna marry you first… errr wait no)

I want to see your real skin tone, man! And not looking like the death himself. Give me a proof that your six-pack was just fake, like I always knew. Don’t mess with me, man!Don’t even try confusing my senses.twss)

Do you remember the time where you licked Anna Kendrick’s face? Or when you stumbled down the street talking about Russell Brand cutting you off at the VMA’s and mumbling that you drank “just a little”?

Or when you did other sexy/hot/dorky possibly career damaging things while being totally drunk a bit tipsy.

I want some scandals!(And that absolutely does not mean that I want to see you arguing with paparazzi.I certainly don’t mean that kind of scandals!) Nothing can seriously ruin your career! Let’s talk simple about this, Rob!

Sometimes I’m a little torn. I respect you for having such a clean image in comparison to some other celebs and it proofs that you take your job seriously and want to be taken seriously by us as your fans and by other actors and directors. And of course it shows that you are protecting your privacy which means to behave and avoid some things, some things which would make you happy.( I’m sorry for not making fun of this like I probably should to fit in the hysterically sarcasm filled place LTR normally is.)

But you really need to give U.C. and Moon something to break down ‘vanity-fair-style’. (editors note: SERIOUSLY Ron, we need this… we really want to break something down!)

For the last few months I’ve seen pictures of you cuddling with elephants or lions without teeth (Yes I’m looking at you, Kristen Stewart).

Really, you’re bored with me too???

Where is the old Rob who just did not care? I understand that you had to change a little bit because of the press. I know that is a hard thing to ask for especially when nothing can really shock us anymore because we have seen you doing almost everything except having sex. (Nikki?-not answering, lying on the beach somewhere on vacation AGAIN.Kristen?Oh no we won’t make you flip the bird AGAIN.Tom? How much more money do you want for this damn tape of the two of you ‘fighting’ for the last HotPocket wearing nothing but your briefs from Marks&Spencer-And yes Tom is wearing Rob’s briefs.)

I’m sure when ‘Bel Ami’ comes out my need for something ‘shocking’ will be satisfied!

Do something, Rob! Even if it’s a picture of you and Kristen finally giving up your ridiculous game and make out in public (Yes, I’d go that far.) or videos of you ‘slapping’ Taylor Lautner in the face for looking like an alpaca/getting on my nerves/being lame not traveling with Big Daddy anymore. Or a video of you dancing (drunk or not) like a ballerina or like a pro to some rap song wearing your pants from the Eclipse-fight-training! (I want to see that.)

Or ask U.C. and Moon for an interview because every interview with normal presenters (except the one with your friend Miquita Oliver from T4, which was hilarious) is fucking boring and because they are the best!

Love,
The-person-who-puts-the-modesty-patch-on-Rob’s-private-parts

Big thanks to TPWPTMPORPP (whew, that was long) for writing in and can we all agree it’d be interesting to see Rob get into a little scandal now and again, right? Or do we like him being a little safe?

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