We need some scandal in our lives, Robert Pattinson!

(Rob’s back in London, so where’s the good stuff? Is he back in the basement again with Tom or out with Dick and the sisters? We need something! Like some scandal. And we’re not alone…….)

You want a scandal? I’ll give you a scandal

Dear Rob,

We reached the point where it’s time to write you a letter!

I always said that I will never ever support this blog by writing a letter to you because I was sure that I am not that obsessed with you (I’ve been visiting this blog every day for almost a year now! I love you, U.C. and Moon!) …but here I am!

I know that it is the most selfish thing I’ll ever ask for(It’s not that selfish.It’s normal, right?) but I really want to see pictures of you Russell-Brand-style: you standing at your window in your hotel room wearing nothing but your (boxer-)briefs while smoking a ciggie(How are we still not sure what underwear this man is wearing.It’s not like he is a celeb or something.We are so bad fans, I feel like I don’t know a thing about him.)

I know Russell stood there fully naked but after seeing ‘The Tuck’ I’m not quite sure if I want to see that (Oh, believe me I want to, I just wanna marry you first… errr wait no)

I want to see your real skin tone, man! And not looking like the death himself. Give me a proof that your six-pack was just fake, like I always knew. Don’t mess with me, man!Don’t even try confusing my senses.twss)

Do you remember the time where you licked Anna Kendrick’s face? Or when you stumbled down the street talking about Russell Brand cutting you off at the VMA’s and mumbling that you drank “just a little”?

Or when you did other sexy/hot/dorky possibly career damaging things while being totally drunk a bit tipsy.

I want some scandals!(And that absolutely does not mean that I want to see you arguing with paparazzi.I certainly don’t mean that kind of scandals!) Nothing can seriously ruin your career! Let’s talk simple about this, Rob!

Sometimes I’m a little torn. I respect you for having such a clean image in comparison to some other celebs and it proofs that you take your job seriously and want to be taken seriously by us as your fans and by other actors and directors. And of course it shows that you are protecting your privacy which means to behave and avoid some things, some things which would make you happy.( I’m sorry for not making fun of this like I probably should to fit in the hysterically sarcasm filled place LTR normally is.)

But you really need to give U.C. and Moon something to break down ‘vanity-fair-style’. (editors note: SERIOUSLY Ron, we need this… we really want to break something down!)

For the last few months I’ve seen pictures of you cuddling with elephants or lions without teeth (Yes I’m looking at you, Kristen Stewart).

Really, you’re bored with me too???

Where is the old Rob who just did not care? I understand that you had to change a little bit because of the press. I know that is a hard thing to ask for especially when nothing can really shock us anymore because we have seen you doing almost everything except having sex. (Nikki?-not answering, lying on the beach somewhere on vacation AGAIN.Kristen?Oh no we won’t make you flip the bird AGAIN.Tom? How much more money do you want for this damn tape of the two of you ‘fighting’ for the last HotPocket wearing nothing but your briefs from Marks&Spencer-And yes Tom is wearing Rob’s briefs.)

I’m sure when ‘Bel Ami’ comes out my need for something ‘shocking’ will be satisfied!

Do something, Rob! Even if it’s a picture of you and Kristen finally giving up your ridiculous game and make out in public (Yes, I’d go that far.) or videos of you ‘slapping’ Taylor Lautner in the face for looking like an alpaca/getting on my nerves/being lame not traveling with Big Daddy anymore. Or a video of you dancing (drunk or not) like a ballerina or like a pro to some rap song wearing your pants from the Eclipse-fight-training! (I want to see that.)

Or ask U.C. and Moon for an interview because every interview with normal presenters (except the one with your friend Miquita Oliver from T4, which was hilarious) is fucking boring and because they are the best!


Big thanks to TPWPTMPORPP (whew, that was long) for writing in and can we all agree it’d be interesting to see Rob get into a little scandal now and again, right? Or do we like him being a little safe?


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101 Responses to “We need some scandal in our lives, Robert Pattinson!”

  1. drsaka says:

    Dear TPWPTMPORPP (whew- that is too long),
    I don’t necessarily want Rob to do something scandalous, but I agree with you: ROB, DO SOMETHING!

    BTW; that command: ‘ROB, DO SOMETHING’ can cover a lot of territory.

    Yours in turquoise boxerbriefs? Really?

  2. Sue G. says:

    For the last few months I’ve seen pictures of you cuddling with elephants or lions without teeth (Yes I’m looking at you, Kristen Stewart).

    Too funny!

  3. Ooh nooooo, Taytay ditched Big Daddy?

  4. robsfuturemate says:

    Scandal, scandal, scandal…okay, not a scandal but something and not “cuddling with elephants.” We’ve had enough drama over here about that!

    Great letter by the way!!

    (And the karate pants?! Robsessed girl is that you?!?!)

    • Sadly, that is not me. That is possibly the best idea I’ve heard in a while though. Rob needs to do something with Eminem, so it’ll be TWO pasty white boys on stage. Wasn’t Rob’s rapper name big tub or something like that? Yes, Eminem and Big Tub IN THE HOUSE! WITH KARATE PANTS THAT MAKE ME MOAN!

      • theseviolentdelights says:

        “Rob needs to do something with Eminem, so it’ll be TWO pasty white boys on stage. Wasn’t Rob’s rapper name big tub or something like that? Yes, Eminem and Big Tub IN THE HOUSE! WITH KARATE PANTS THAT MAKE ME MOAN!”
        I think I just drooled a little bit. lol

  5. dazzledtodeath says:

    Shock us in a good way, Rob. Release an album, admit PRsten is just that, leak some nude photos taken when you were a struggling…something or other and couldn’t even afford Hot Pockets.

    • misty says:

      D2D:: omg you are hilarious:: PRsten!!!!!!!!!! bwahahaha
      <3 u

    • christa64c says:

      D2D- LOL! It really is fitting. Glad I’m not the only one who thinks those grainy photo ops are a bit suspicious.

    • Jamie says:

      Or, Rob, let your natural Taurus male insticts kick in, and realize its fun to chase the girl who doesn’t want you, but the minute she gives in its time to chase some one else.

      Also, I’m working on a letter right now (Breaking down Bella and Edwards astrological chart to see if it fits their behavior in the books), but I need some info from some of the more hardcore fans.
      What is Bellas birth year and date? What is Edwards? I’ll admit it. I’m too lazy to look it up. And there are people who do know this stuff off the top of their heads. And that’s Normal.

      • theseviolentdelights says:

        Bella’s bday = September 13th….not sure of the year.
        E’s bday = June 21st, 1901 (?)

        Yes, I am a nerd for vaguely knowing this. Bleh. 😉

  6. MidnightCougar says:

    Okay, so has anyone seen the recent pic of Jamie Campbell Bower NAKED on a yacht? Well, when I saw this pic, my first thought was….why the Hell couldn’t that be Rob? – then we’d have a pic to talk about!!


    Cheers: MC

    • robsfuturemate says:

      Uh, wow?! I don’t even know what to say about that!

    • The Old One says:

      I don’t understand the thumbs down? That’s a great picture, and of course we all wish it were Rob! Duh! I don’t want him to get sunburned, because you know those pretty cheeks have never seen the light of day, but hey, everyone’s got to make sacrifices now and then.

      • MidnightCougar says:

        Thanks The Old One for the support! I don’t know why the thumbs down either, but I posted this for fun, so I don’t care! The reason I thought this was so humourous was b/c I doubt we’ll EVER see a pic like that of Rob, but it would sure be news worthy & since “We need some scandal in our lives…” It sure would solve that problem! lol

    • JellyBeanRainbow says:

      It’s a great photo of Jamie, but I don’t see Rob posing like this. Not even when/if he’s a little tipsy.

  7. I want more RobStu bargain shopping extravaganzas involving (or not) undergarments.

    • JellyBeanRainbow says:

      It’s about time, they probably lost/ruined/discoloured-while-hand-washing-in-Lubbock-TX-hotel-sink every single piece of underwear they bought the last time. Go underwear shopping, boys, that’s enough drama/scandal/proof or TrueLove for me.

  8. Aeren says:

    For the last few months I’ve seen pictures of you cuddling with elephants or lions without teeth (Yes I’m looking at you, Kristen Stewart)
    OHHH!!! is true and funny!!!
    Rob DO SOMETHING, go to the dark side!!

  9. robsfuturemate says:

    Seriously Rob,
    Please so something because I’ve been considering watching that papp video of you and I REALLY don’t want to! It’s just that I want to see you do something “unscripted” that I haven’t watched a million times! A simple thing like a piggyback will do!

    Your Mate

  10. “or videos of you ‘slapping’ Taylor Lautner in the face for looking like an alpaca/getting on my nerves/being lame not traveling with Big Daddy anymore.”

    bahahahah….that’s hilarious!
    Do something Rob, but just don’t show yourself in turquoise briefs *shudder* I always imagined you to be a boxer kind of guy. Preferably black or some other manly colour…;)

  11. melronin says:

    Hilarious post!

    ROB, DO SOMETHING…TO ME!!! Please! cause honestly I think
    I lost it! Catching myself reading papers like german “BUNTE” if
    ya know what I mean, only because of a title like “Robert Pattinson almost trampeled to death by an elephant!!!”
    Yes it’s that serious…so DO SOMETHING…otherwise my greek
    psychosynthesis will be ruined for ever!!!


    Ps But stay on the safe side please!

  12. misty says:

    Lack of scandal culprits:

    1. Summit
    2. Mullephant

    And the jury says??

  13. tupelohoney says:

    Dear Rob,

    I don’t care for turquoise… Can we see DrunkRob wearing purple (my favorite color) boxerbriefs smoking a ciggie on a hotel balcony? That’s my kind of scandal… Pretty please?


  14. mcvelvetkitten says:

    Dear Rob,

    I know what kind of underwear you wear.

    boxer-briefs, size L, and it seems he preferrs greys and blues. Thanks to papprazzi who took that picture of you shoping in London.


    • eatmyjorts says:

      They were black if I remember rightly. And I think I do as Mr Jorts wears the exact same variety/colour, & has done for years now. Probably the one thing, except for the height & nationality he has in common with the Rob. Oh, & being from London…oh, maybe I need to consider this further…

    • ladyofthemeadow says:

      I think he’s more of a M than a L, except in front where he clearly is a L. Just saying.

  15. adrienne says:

    “But you really need to give U.C. and Moon something to break down ‘vanity-fair-style’. ” SERIOUSLY!

  16. Jamie says:

    Dear Rob-Mod-Patch, Great letter. I miss watching videos like Robs “Best Story Ever” and sitting there for about 15 minutes saying to myself “Is he serious? He’s gotta be joking. He’s joking, right? His face looked serious the whole time though. He’s an actor though, so he can keep a straight face. He can’t be serious, right?”

    What I wanna know is how the hell did no one notice which underwear Rob bought with TomStu. Wouldn’t that solve the boxers/briefs question? I’m hoping for boxer-briefs because boxers, while practical, have never seemed sexy to me on any guy.

  17. Edible Art ? says:

    Scandalous – yes – I would like Rob to get papped doing “the walk of shame” from my house on a Sunday morning !!! – Hmmmm but how to explain it to the Husband and 2 kids – I was helping the homeless perhaps ???!!!

  18. Chrisa says:

    I was actually thinking these last week how pleased I am not to have seen any news or pictures of Rob since the 18th September outing. That means he is finally able to relax without some pap shoving a camera in his face every few minutes. In London he can walk down the street without flipping into dumpsters which is a hobby of his in LA.

    He is not a monkey in a zoo I don’t expect him
    to do things just for people’s entertainment. I am
    delighted that he is getting some privacy off
    duty. I can only imagine he is very happy to be
    home and pick up his real life temporarily.

    News or no news, if Rob’s happy then that’s very cool by me.

  19. Glow says:

    please please we want the return of the TruckDrunk Rob..or just drunk Rob, he was hilarious

  20. Cath says:

    Dear Rob,

    I respectfully agree to disagree with the last commenter Chrisa.

    Because you and I know that you are my little trained monkey baby…
    (Who’s my little cute monkey? Who is it? Who? *tickles Rob’s whiskers*)

    And that’s why I command you to re-enact the Hugh Grant PM’s scene in Love Actually, as I mentioned in my post above and put it on YouTube, ask TomStu, he can help you!

    If you don’t like that one, then just do that bit out of Risky Business, just don’t wear turquoise briefs…You can use your own Ray Bans, how cool is that???


    Your little monkey trainer

    • drsaka says:

      Wow, Cath, you have a very cough*commanding*cough presence.

      Everyone please know that we’re only joking around.

    • tupelohoney says:

      LOL Cath, I dreamed about him doing the Risky Business bit once…. and he did a very nice job of it. Put Tom Cruise to shame…..

    • southernbelle says:

      Cath, ok wait I thought I was the “spidermonkey?” So you’re the monkey trainer? I’m confuzzled.

      • Cath says:

        Hahaha SB, um, yes, but you are Edward’s spidermonkey, no?
        Don’t worry, won’t steal the Rob from you, it’s just that Robverse is sometimes a tad complicated, hahaha. I was trying to make a point, you are ofcourse still a spidermonkey. I only train one monkey anyway…;-)

  21. Cath says:

    Yes, we are totally joking around!!! (Dear Rob, winkwink, you’re still my little trained monkey, don’t worry baby!) 😉

  22. lola says:

    I would like to see him summer clothes, that would be scandalous to me. Take off your effing jacket when it’s 100 degrees outside, and put on some flip flops for god’s sake.

    He should mess with shippers and anti-shippers alike too by having one of Kristen’s costar Garrett Hedlund don the GOMD shirt next, wear black bracelets exclusively with Tomstu, and have kristen wear his Addidas, even if they make her look like she’s wearing clown shoes.

    • P.S. says:

      And he never appears to be sweating in those 100 degree jacket-wearing pictures. While we’re talking about clothes, Rob was just voted Best Dressed Man 2010 by Glamour UK magazine!

      • Cath says:

        I’ve developed this very interesting theory a while ago that Rob’s an undercover stylist…Wait, don’t die laughing LTR dears, hear me out, haha.

        1. He brought back the plaid. It’s freakin’ everywhere these days.

        2. The beard is the new IT- thing for this winter now!!!

        3. I recently ran into an upscale version for ladies of the infamous red velvet jacket Rob wore years ago. Guess what? Velvet is one of the biggest trends this Winter…

        3. Last year he won best dressed GQ man I think, which was kind of sponsored by an UK brand which models all are doing the mountain man look now…And it’s flagship’s store is based in London, just saying…

        Coincidence or conspiracy…HMMM…

        I predict maroon coloured suits will be big this winter too. They will flood the red carpets, or um, maybe they won’t.

  23. glitterlube says:

    I’d like to see a public argument between Rob and Kstew where he tells her, “it’s so over.”

  24. southernbelle says:

    I’m really liking this idea! LOL. I just want to see Rob, anything, I’ll take anything. Nothing that will ruin your career Rob, something simple. How about the boxer brief idea, hmmm I’d love that. Make sure you have a cigarette in one hand or in your mouth and a Heineken in another hand :). That’s gonna be one hot photo. Make sure your hair is messy like you just got out of bed!

    • southernbelle says:

      OK I was pretty sure I put this in my previous post but haha ok I guess maybe now.

      Make sure your (Rob) hair is messy like you just did the deed! Just don’t say who the other person was okay baby?

  25. southernbelle says:

    The Russell brand briefs, ummm okay. I think I need shades, they are way too bright. LOL

  26. Stacey says:

    The roadtrip was a fun bit of Rob and his buddies. Promotion should be starting on Bel Ami. soon? THen filming on Breaking Dawn. He’ll just have to say or do something adorable. * fingers crossed *

  27. HappySue says:

    They are wrapping me in wet sheets to calm me down, cause I miss my tree climber with his Spidermonkey on his back. I miss your humor, your smile, your kisses with your Spidermonkey and all things Rob and Kstew. Love them…

  28. swansong says:

    Okay, spider monkeys, be careful what you wish for…

    • Alex says:

      Dont you worry. All these wishes are very carefully planned….they know want they want.

      “Rob dating an older woman who is one of his fan” will be our ultimate Dream come true.LOL

  29. Rob can’t do anything because the shrew keeps him on such a tight lease. All of us fangirls should band together and form a mass intervention, maybe even make it a documentary My Date With Drew style. We will all make sure Rob knows that IT belongs with Oregano and not him. Let’s do it.

  30. LattersBaby says:

    Dear Rob,

    It’s all right baby, I understand you need your “me time.” But you shouldn’t shut yourself away without visits from friends. So, I’ll stop by for tea on Saturday. I’m sure Dick will let me in. Don’t worry, baby, mamma brought me up right—I’ll bring pastry. Then later, we can lounge on your couch, drink some beer and watch some DVDs—your choice.

    I don’t need any pics or autographs, but if you want to play a game of hide the croissant, I’m in. Maybe Cath can come and play with your whiskers.

    See baby, don’t be afraid, I’m normal. We’re all normal.

    See you Saturday.

    • Cath says:

      LattersBaby, I sure LOVE the way you think!!! It’s a date, I’ll leave earlier ofcourse, because this was your date with Rob originally, but I humbly thank you for the invite. I always share Rob with my girls too, am sure he doesn’t mind…hahaha. I can bring the Heine if you like? Or some Dutch speciality pastries? Oh my…now I will have to figure out what to wear? I think I’ll, um, iron my old plaid shirt and wear it as a dress.

      Yours in whiskery goodness,


      • drsaka says:

        Cath and I were just talking about a real Devonshire Cream Tea- Rob may enjoy that. Can I join you?
        I’m not sure about that ‘hide the croisssant’ game though. That sounds……………messy.

      • LattersBaby says:

        Absolutely! The four of us–it’s a date! (I was meaning to invite you too drsaka!)
        Hmmm… I see one on each side of Rob, under the blanket watching movies, and one of us on the floor, resting our head on the couch between Rob’s legs. Cath gets first choice since this really is her date we’re crashing.

        I know it would be even messier—but how about a game of hide the Devonshire Cream?

        Oh—I got my first thumbs down! Is this due to my Dutch spelling of momma?

  31. roslynselene says:

    Show us *something*, Rob! This is how far it’s gotten. Now I feel like those sleazy fat men in their mid 40’s at a stripping club. “Rob, show us your tits!” #NoShame

  32. LadyN says:

    Rob, do something! should be on bumper stickers, mouse pads, stickers, dildos, thongs, pins, posters, FB page, milk cartons…ermmm…

    Oh, UC and Moon, you’ve got yo’selves a franchise here! Ka-ching! *nods* I’ll go make you the logo!

    ps. “…or like a pro to some rap song wearing your pants from the Eclipse-fight-training!” BWA HAH! those pants! he looked sooo humpable!!! A soft cotton fluffy hump.

    It’s true, he was soo much more…free. :-/ I miss crazy, don’t give a fuck drunkward. Ugh, responsibility sucks.

  33. roslynselene says:

    Did any of the CA girls survive the heat today? It reached 113’F and it was/is HOT! Jesus Christ! Last week was in the 60’s and now it’s in the 100’s cuh-ray-zee.

    Dear Rob,

    Forget what I said in my comment before. I think it was the heat talking. For the sake of us living in CA, please don’t come out looking hot until it cools down here. I don’t think we can handle any more heat. I think this is the ONLY time I prefer ice-cold Edward than you, my dear.

    Hot and bothered,

    • robsfuturemate says:

      Barely! We’ve had a really mild summer, I was beginning to think it only got hot when Rob was around here!! It wouldn’t be so bad if, like you said, it wasn’t in the 60’s a few days ago!! Stay Cool today Ros!

      • roslynselene says:

        I know. I thought we escaped the unbearable heat this summer but I hope this isn’t some sort of payback. And I was really looking forward to Fall weather. 🙁 I really hate how unpredictable LA weather can be sometimes.

  34. glitterlube says:


  35. Alex says:

    Robs lack of scandals or sudden disappearence is the Bigest scandal these days.

    He actually has given us something to talk about……This post itself proves it – We are talking about “Nothing to talk about Rob these days”

    Dont worry ladies – his mere reapprearence will be something huge to talk about in LTR…and that day will not be far.

    Sorry to disappoint you Rob…We are still talking about you…

    • Rob's Flaming Dashboard says:

      Ooooh! What do you know, “Alex”? Are you Lizzie or TomStu or a Summit PR?

      Dear Rob,
      Luv ya, miss ya, come back soon, April 15 2011 (H2O 4 Elephants release) can’t come quickly enough!
      Your Flaming Dashboard xox

      • MidnightCougar says:

        I’m almost done reading WFE & I’ve really enjoyed it, it is an excellent story. I’m also really looking forward to seeing the movie. I can definitely see Rob as Jacob Jankowski.

      • robsfuturemate says:

        Yay!! WFE!!!! That was a great book and looks like it will be a wonderful film! Can’t wait!!!

        Do you guys think there will be much BA promotions while Rob is filming BD? Hope Summit knows whats good for them and lets their Golden Boy come out and play with us for the press junkets!!!

      • Alex says:

        Dont they suppose to start shooting BD soon? Rob will be clean shaved with long sexy hair. Pictures will be all over the net. I cant wait.

        I am pretty sure Rob is reading BD over & over again….he must be thinking about how to bite a pillow while having s*x. Doesnt he know that LTR girls can train him well? Silly Rob.

        “Of all the random things to do.. really..he bites a pillow”- Rob

        Oh I too cant wait for Belami and WFE. 2011 will be awesome.

      • Alex says:

        and He cant wait to get especially pasty looking in BD.


        • ladyofthemeadow says:

          Kristen is blushing!

          All through the interview, she beats around the bush (twss) about Bella and Edward having a kid so, you know, “that happens” and then growls out, “We totally have sex! Finally!”

        • MidnightCougar says:

          He is just SO adorable & that smile! *sigh*

  36. Janetrigs says:


  37. lindyuk says:

    I just wish he’d show his bloody face. I mean come on….nearly 2 months of ‘downtime’ and we’ve had a few dodgy pics of romantic interlude with Stewpot plus some drunken, sweaty, happy fan-pics (nice one!) whilst ‘on the road’ and again a couple more fan pics in London…and that’s it. He’s done OK…he’s kept his head down and hopefully had a good rest and got his mental stability back again after the craziness with the paps and fans a couple of months ago. HOWEVER…..ROB you ARE A MOVIE STAR….you have fans (US) and we NEED to see you. It’s all very well saying you want to remain ‘mysterious’…i.e. you wish to retain some ‘mystery’ so that people can differentiate between the real you and the character you are attempting to portray. I get that…totally. Personally I’m just shallow and just want to look at you no matter what and I’ll use my imagination to help you along. But seriously Rob…please…DO SOMETHING…..not scandalous…don’t approve of that and I don’t think that’s you anyway…you’re a good lad…BUT…this fandom is imploding…look at poor old Pattinsonlife…another one bites the dust eh? It’s NOT FUNNY…..just saying…

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