Robert Pattinson Stalker Alert!

Dear Rob,

No I’m not talking to your fans here or the crazy Twihards, I’m talking about your new costar: Paul Giamatti

Hey Paul, I think I speak for all of us when I say: “Get in line, friend!” We’ve got over 2 years of official stalking going on here. I don’t care if you’re costars or whatever. You have no official/secret documentation of your stalkership. Thus we must pull rank and insist you get to the back of the line.

BUUUTTTT we will make some exceptions… If you promise to do the following we may let you close to the front:

1. Word on the street is that in your movie with Rob he drives around in a limo all day and if we take a wild guess and assume YOU’RE the limo driver, can you promise us one day on set while you’re doing exterior shoots driving Rob around, you hit the lock button on the limo and then drive the limo to the nearest city where we live (UC is in Philly), unlock the doors, slow down to 10mph honk and wait for us to jump in? Can you do that? After that, you can ditch the limo, we don’t care. Go get a philly cheesesteak. Whatever.

2. You take your Sideways wine info and leftover bottles of vino to lure Rob into your hotel room/apt/whatever, get him drunk and then ask him all kinds of questions: do you read LTR daily or have an email alert? Did you “get lost” near a church in Vancouver just so LTR would blog about it? Do you call up TomStu for a photoop outing when you think the LTR girls have been good?

3. Fly down to Baton Rouge on the guise of “getting to know your future costar better” take secret cell phone camera shots of the set and any scenes involving Dadward and Renesmee and then send them back to us as proof that filming is actually occurring and not just one big Texas Hold ‘Em tourney in Rob’s hotel room.

Ok, if you promise to do these things we’ll let you into the stalking…. I mean FAN club. But we’re NOT drinking ANY merlot!

Who doesn’t love a Sideways joke?

PS check it I double blogged over at ltt today also! Someone love me right now!
PPS If you’re a lovely reader from somewhere in Europe and if you don’t mind saying where you’re from in the comments, I’m doing a little research for a possible trip n things… please and thank you!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Inside the Robsten love lair

Right this way to the pantry...

Dear Rob,

I have jetlag… still. I find myself not being able to sleep till 4 or 5 in the morning then waking up at 8 then crashing out again around 2PM. I’m currently fighting to keep my eyes open and it’s 8PM. This sucks… bad. I can only imagine if you live with this all the time, but you probably never really get used to any schedule because you’re in and out so much. So you can imagine my lack of enthusiasm for anything these days much less the circus that is your life what with all the hoopla surrounding this whole Robsten debacle.

So when UC sent me a link to some creepo arial paparazzi photos and photos that someone probably got from the rental website where this place is listed of where you and Kristen are supposedly staying,  I clicked on it hoping to see TomStu hanging out in the bushes near you guys installing a satellite dish or setting up a wading pool in the backyard (LA chic yall!), you know just about anything you can do together without including him.

What I saw though made me grossed out a bit and of course intrigued as the wheels in my head began to spin. The pictures featured a wide shot of the house…

Where is this “Little Cabin in the Big Woods?” Where is Ma and Pa Ingalls? Where’s Laura and Mary? Do you make a balloon for Kristen and Tom to play with out of a pigs bladder? Can you tell I loved those books a lot? What is this house? This looks nothing like the Bel Air I know!

Is there dust on the bathtub because it’s never been used? And is that a half empty bottle of Dakar Noir I see on the counter? You preferred cologne of course. It’s easier to find Dakar at Rite Aid and Walgreens when you’re on the road than it is to find a department store with those fancy designer scents.

And what about these pictures of the master bedroom and (insert your own “duh duh ddddduuuuuh” here) THE BED that you and Kristen might be sleeping on at this very moment. Did the Robsten fangirls instantaneously orgasm just by looking at this picture?

Is that Kristen I see in bed giving the helicopter pilot the middle finger?

Does the property have a loquat tree? How else will Kristen make you crumbles and tarts and pies without one? Was that one of the necessities of your rental search?

Does the mini really have a vanity plate that reads “1 Mad Hater?” Cause I’d much rather live in a world where Kristen and possibly you drive around in a car that says mad hater on the back. I don’t want to think Kristen or her family are just really big Alice in Wonderland fans. So I have forever dubbed the black mini: “the hater mobile.” Long live the hater mobile!

Sadly, this isn’t anything like what I pictured the “palatial pad” to be like but I guess once I blew the lid off that place with my amazing writing skills you had to up your game, I get it. But now I’m going to take a shower because I feel skeevy for looking in your bedroom windows. Figuratively of course. But really now Joe-Realtor you couldn’t have taken these down?

Oh and if you have any good tips for jet lag that just won’t quit, I’m all ears!

Have you seen the pictures? What did you think, any initial thoughts like mine? Does Rob seem more of a Dakar man or a Cool Water type guy? 🙂 And seriously, jet lag tips?

Pictures from Twilight Central

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

183 Commented

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