Letter to Rob: Pool Side

UC & Moon: Still gone Fishin’ but BOY do we have a treat for YOU today. Do you know the site RobNipulations? Noooo!? Well, they manipulate pictures of Rob into hilarious different situations, depending on their mood. I asked them to bring the manip-Rob love to LTR today and they happily obliged. Read what they brought to LTR then go check out their site!

Dear Rob,

This picture of you at a pool party surfaced on the interwebs last month.  While others drooled at the mere thought of you wet and glistening pool-side and wild speculation swirled, we peered intently at the photo, playing our own private game of “Where’s Waldo”…

It was a fruitless search. How does one even claim to actually see you, much less Waldo, in this picture? I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the person who labeled the pics, but really?! Is that you? Is that your sculpted (we hope) ass? Your chiseled jaw? Did you have your legs amputated recently? Because after your shorts, the legs pretty much disappear. Is that Tom on the other side of that random chick? Why isn’t he labeled? That’s going to hurt his feelings and, frankly,  it’s pretty blatant discrimination. Brit Pack is Brit Pack, right? And I’m fairly sure that you and Tom are holding hands there. That’s the obvious conclusion when you can’t actually see something. It does kinda look like the person labeled “Sam” could be Sam, because he has some crazy ass hair, and because those trunks are pretty frickin’ blinding, but, meh. Dunno.

Anyway, we must say, if that was you, we were, frankly, surprised. That party looks far too tame for you and your boys to be present. A party with you as a guest ought to involve all sorts of decadence and debauchery. Go Go dancers in cages. Being fed peeled grapes. Nudity, at the very least. And of course, someone would whip out a guitar for an impromptu performance. Kinda like Matthew McConaughey with his bongos, right? No hands! We’re envisioning it now.

However, lucky us, we’ve managed to unearth a picture of you and your boys at a ‘private party’ that shows us how you guys really like to hang…

Now we know why Dean has been MIA! Forcing him to babysit Tom while you were finishing up filming was just not cool. That’s a 24/7 job! Way to suck out his life force… I mean, Dean looks like he’s considering ending it all. Dean, baby! You have so much to live for! We can work through this!

At least you have the decency to look chagrined. But we’re thinking you’re just pissed off because Tom is spilling the beer everywhere. Haven’t you taught him better than that? Sweet nectar of the gods, man! Beer is sacred! There are rules about these things in civilized society!

You guys do look rather cozy in that pool, though. I’m guessing that Bobby is playing a little footsie with Dean… and Dean is trying to figure out how he feels about that. Bobby looks a little guilty; he’s definitely up to something. And while we’re on that… your and Bobby’s hands seem to be underwater. Are you guys playing a little grabass?! Are you even wearing trunks? Can’t see them. Therefore, they don’t exist. Awesome! This party just stepped up a notch.

It was brilliant of you pasty English lads to keep your shirts on, to avoid becoming fried white tomatoes. At least Dean-O works on his tan. Keep in mind for the next party, though, that we’d be more than happy to help slather on the sunscreen, you know, anywhere. Really. That’s just out of the kindness of our little hearts. Besides, we wouldn’t want those sweet, white buns ending up as red as a baboons.

And, you know, you’re a millionaire. You could probably upgrade to one of those 3 foot deep blow up pools now. Just saying. But we’re guessing that you like being extra close to Tom and Bobby… Who wouldn’t wanna be?

Anyhow, we are really glad that we found this picture, because the first one was just pathetic and disappointing. We were so bored, just like that random chick who apparently had to resort to texting while sitting between you and Tom (Clearly, someone wasn’t getting any action. It’s rough basking in the love glow of RobStu).  But now we know how you guys really party, and we’re hoping we get an invite to the next one. We’ll leave our cameras at home, swear.  Bikinis are optional, right?

Call us! We give special hugs. No really, they’re incredibly SPECIAL.

Your pool party h00rs,

The RobNips ladies, aka

RobsButtonsBabe, rpattzlawyer, thechagrinedone, AngryBadgerGirl, Debb24601 and Special Guest:  vanessarae1

P.S. Please to be investing in a bikini top for the Big D. Those moobs are, what? 44BB? Dood needs support.

*Thank You’s to MsJBell and CalliopeBlabs for locating pictures!

Seriously I died when I saw Rob & pals in the baby pool- cause you knowwwwww that’s probably what they’re doing in his backyard in LA right now! Go leave the gals at RobNipulations some love on on their site!!

She’s almost home! What have you thought of that happened While Moon was Gone?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

32 Responses to “Letter to Rob: Pool Side”

  1. Cazza says:

    *waves* from across the pond in Scotland!!! Loved this post, laughed at the paddling pool, all that was missing was a rubber ducky and that would be it!

    Anyhoo (Scottish lingo), I see Rob has been telling us “to get off his dick”….I just wanna know which one of you lovelies was on it in the first place – Clare will be so proud of him for wearing that one.

    X

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, maria huerta. maria huerta said: RT @letter2twilight: It’s time for a NEW LTR: Letter to Rob: Pool Side – http://tinyurl.com/24j4cbm […]

  3. melronin says:

    Great PoolParty ladies…LMAO!!!
    Am melting here in Greece with 40 degrees, me needs to
    blow up a babypool myself…

    Btw…

    Rob
    Love your shirt…”Get off my dick”!!!???
    No can do baby…really…don’t ask that of me…No way!!!

    Kisses
    Mel

    • misty says:

      beatie boys rock, and I don’t plan on getting off any time soon either Mel…it’s very comfortable 😛

      Dear Rob,
      I wanna wear that shirt in the morning while you make me a coffee!!
      xoxo

  4. misty says:

    Rob don’t forget the SPF 80 with that neon glow you’ve been sporting!!! But I’m not complaining you look damn fine to me 🙂

  5. kandnandb says:

    ::wipes diet Cherry Coke off of computer:: (Yes, I drink Coke for breakfast…don’t judge!)

    LMAO! Awesome. If I ever stumbled upon this, my life would be complete.

    Question though: who do you think was the 1st one to pee in the pool? I think it was Dean, he looks a little shamefaced.

  6. Pammy says:

    Love this!! Oh to be in that baby pool!! Would have to kick ol Deano out though!
    Oh and those pics of Rob in Montreal! Love the shirt and the way he looks with that cig! Dayum!!!!!

    • halogen says:

      You are the best people to be commenting on that first pool picture! It’s so vague I think I recognized one of my cousins in there!

      I think UC and Moon would have loved to be seeing the Montreal pictures in real time. We have Coke, fun new shirt, underwear peeking out, I mean really…

  7. snowwhitedrifted says:

    Rob, your making a funny face in the all dude pseudo hot tub. Are you making your own bubbles?

  8. Robsessedgirl says:

    Dear Rob,
    Can I come to the next epic pool party? If a girl is there the fun will DEFINITELY step up a notch. I’d prefer if you were shirtless though, I would put sunscreen on you because I’m just nice like that;). & I can promise you, if I was with you I would NOT be texting.
    Love,
    Me

  9. Obava says:

    Rpattzlawyer- honey you have been holding out on your fellow Losers! (Now I can say I’ve been to your blog hahaa)

    Nice work, ladies- thanks for the Friday funnies 🙂

  10. Stacey says:

    Love this post and those pictures. The kiddie pool made me giggle!

  11. Janetrigs says:

    Loved this you RobNips ladies as I <3 you. NICE pic.

  12. Jamie says:

    Now the boys just need a lil Forman Grill off to the side to make some burgers and they’re good!

  13. kandnandb says:

    I was listening to music when this song came on:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

    & made me think of this picture. “I got my swim trunks & my flippy-floppies” LMAO

  14. silent.Leone says:

    Oooooooof course Rob would be the guy to go to a pool party and not wear any shorts. Cockblock, Pattinson. Cockblock. Surely he’s been beefing up for WFE, can’t he just give us a lil man-nipple? Somefin more than the belly flash and ankle porn?

    Anyhoo, is that Dean sitting all alone to Rob’s right? Cuz that guy looks real, real lonely. *offers ab snuggles*

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