Recently, Justin Bieber told The Daily Mirror you guys should be wingmen and hit all kinds of fly parties to catch mad honey’s. What? You didn’t understand that? Ok, ok I’ll interpret for The Biebs… he thinks you guys could meet some really nice (read: slutty) girls if you both went out together and harnessed your powers for mankind.
You can stop laughing now…
Now my friends know I have a bit of a love affair with bad good pop music so I can’t deny that I don’t love me some Justin Bieber music namely: Baby. And I also won’t deny that I dance my booty off any time it plays at a party. The men may clear off the floor but the ladies rush it. So I’m not saying this is all for naught. You could learn a thing from Justin… in that ladies love to dance to his teeny bopper music and if you resisted the urge to vacate the dance floor like your male counterparts, you could pick up a lot of fly honey’s… though I doubt Kristen is the Bieber type but well… save this tip for ya know…. after… later… whatever.
Justin even mentioned that since you both have famous hair, as a pick up line you could tell girls they could touch your hair. Now you have known for years now that your hair is powerful, like Michael K of Dlisted says: Unicorn Walk through your magical forest of hair. Women have erected shrines to it’s magicness. You don’t need the Bieb’s mop top to get any kind of ladies. Yours is REAL hair that looks like it’s been styled in all the right ways. Ahem.
As well intentioned as Justin Bieber is, he comes off like a total douche nozzle and you for the most part are NOT a douche nozzle but I think it might be interesting if you reverse Punk’d Justin (who is the new host of Ashton’s show) and told him you SO wanted to go out with him to chase some tail. You have a wealth of knowledge to impart to the next generation.
You could tell Justin all about hygiene and how his carefully manicured hair and stubble-free chin isn’t really necessary! In your experience you can look like the Brawny Man got lost in the mountains, fought a bear, lost, stumbled back into civilization and then rolled around in some leftover bacon grease and women will still lose their shit. It’s a proven fact. You can also tell him that he doesn’t really need to release any more music. From your experience all you need to do it record two songs for a soundtrack and then NEVER perform them in public and girls will act like you just recorded the new Pet Sounds or something. (you did).
Whatever you decide to do just NEVER let me catch you with the Bieber hair and we’re all good.
You’re my eenie meenie minie mo lover… (don’t judge!)
PS Brit readers: Justin says he likes British girls!!!! LUCKY! (sarcasm) So if some weird lesbian looking 15 yr old boy/girl offers to let you touch their hair you know what’s up!!! Oh and look around for Rob.
So what else could Rob teach Justin Bieber about getting chicks? Any Rob pick up lines? Anyone else have the Bieber fever?
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Tags: , baby, Bieber Fever, british, dating, Justin Bieber, lines, London, party, pick up, Punk'd, Rhianna, robert pattinson