Justin Bieber is ready to teach Robert Pattinson a little something about Bieber Fever

Rob, I see fly ladies dead ahead!

Dear Rob,

Recently, Justin Bieber told The Daily Mirror you guys should be wingmen and hit all kinds of fly parties to catch mad honey’s. What? You didn’t understand that?  Ok, ok I’ll interpret for The Biebs… he thinks you guys could meet some really nice (read: slutty) girls if you both went out together and harnessed your powers for mankind.

You can stop laughing now…

What? Fly honey's? Where?

Now my friends know I have a bit of a love affair with bad good pop music so I can’t deny that I don’t love me some Justin Bieber music namely: Baby. And I also won’t deny that I dance my booty off any time it plays at a party. The men may clear off the floor but the ladies rush it. So I’m not saying this is all for naught. You could learn a thing from Justin… in that ladies love to dance to his teeny bopper music and if you resisted the urge to vacate the dance floor like your male counterparts, you could pick up a lot of fly honey’s… though I doubt Kristen is the Bieber type but well… save this tip for ya know…. after… later… whatever.

Justin even mentioned that since you both have famous hair, as a pick up line you could tell girls they could touch your hair. Now you have known for years now that your hair is powerful, like Michael K of Dlisted says: Unicorn Walk through your magical forest of hair. Women have erected shrines to it’s magicness.  You don’t need the Bieb’s mop top to get any kind of ladies. Yours is REAL hair that looks like it’s been styled in all the right ways. Ahem.

As well intentioned as Justin Bieber is, he comes off like a total douche nozzle and you for the most part are NOT a douche nozzle but I think it might be interesting if you reverse Punk’d Justin (who is the new host of Ashton’s show) and told him you SO wanted to go out with him to chase some tail. You have a wealth of knowledge to impart to the next generation.

This could be you, Rob!

You could tell Justin all about hygiene and how his carefully manicured hair and stubble-free chin isn’t really necessary! In your experience you can look like the Brawny Man got lost in the mountains, fought a bear, lost, stumbled back into civilization and then rolled around in some  leftover bacon grease and women will  still lose their shit. It’s a proven fact. You can also tell him that he doesn’t really need to release any more music. From your experience all you need to do it record two songs for a soundtrack and then NEVER perform them in public and girls will act like you just recorded the new Pet Sounds or something. (you did).

Whatever you decide to do just NEVER let me catch you with the Bieber hair and we’re all good.

You’re my eenie meenie minie mo lover… (don’t judge!)

PS Brit readers: Justin says he likes British girls!!!! LUCKY! (sarcasm) So if some weird lesbian looking 15 yr old boy/girl offers to let you touch their hair you know what’s up!!! Oh and look around for Rob.

So what else could Rob teach Justin Bieber about getting chicks? Any Rob pick up lines? Anyone else have the Bieber fever?

Oh No They Didn’t!

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64 Responses to “Justin Bieber is ready to teach Robert Pattinson a little something about Bieber Fever”

  1. JenlovesRob says:

    Rob doesn’t need any cheesy lines or any wingman than TomStu!

    Sorry no Bieber fever here just a raging case of IwannaeffRob!

  2. drsaka says:

    Dear Moon, I had hoped never to see Rob with that dopey Bieber hair (even hos haircuts as Art and Daniel weren’t like that), but now that photoshopped pic will haunt me all day. Thanks a lot.

    and Rob- no pick up lines are necessary, at all.

  3. Cazza says:

    Please tell me that I’m not the only one that thinks Rob looks kinda hot with his Bieber hairstyle in that photo above? There is just something about the fringe/bangs in his eyes or is it just that it looks shiny and clean. Anyhow, I obviously need help.


    • Rob's Flaming Dashboard says:

      @ Cazza – you’re not alone! It’s actually kinda cute.

      Personally I cannot wait to show that photoshopped Bieber hairdo(n’t) to my 8 yr old who is a true Belieber! Guess I am going to Barnes & Noble in a bit to pick up Bieber’s book that she reserved ages ago. Released today!

      I can hardly criticise bearing in mind that I have a fine collection of Rob memorabilia.

      Justin Bieber would never ever fit in with the BritPack. But I suppose we can let the boy have his dreams…

      • MidnightCougar says:

        My daughter is 10 & also a HUGE Bieber fan. She has books, posters, etc. But, like you said I can’t really deny her her Justin pleasures, as I also “have a fine collection of Rob memorabilia.” It actually gives us some nice bonding time b/w us; we have lots of fun sharing & talking about our “crushes”! lol 🙂

    • Cazza says:

      Let’s see how many thumbs down I get before the end of the day…..bring it 😉

      • robgirl86 says:

        thumbs up, cause I like you and thumbs down are not nice PLUS Rob would look good even without any hair in that pic, he has a beautiful face!

  4. dazzledtodeath says:

    Rob could teach him a little about humility, charm and wit, ie, how to charm the pants off women by rambling and giggling and NOT by using terms like “fly ladies” and assuming women (make that girls) want to touch your ridiculous bowl cut.

    • robgirl86 says:

      Is it just me or does this child have some really ridiculous VIP-attitude?
      I heard him on the radio here in Cologne some months ago and he was asked something and he answered in a really ignorant way as well…

    • Christa64c says:

      Rob certainly could teach the ‘Biebs’ a thing or two about humility. While he’s at it perhaps he could also teach Miley that not every thought needs to be spoken out loud.

  5. robgirl86 says:

    Hey lil Bieber,
    first of all you look like a 10year old kid,
    second, your “hair-pick-up-line” is all sorts of idiot!
    and third,
    never..like never ever you should chose a M.A.N. like Rob as your wingman, YOU’d ZERO chance with ANY girl, trust!

    P.S. NEVER EVER!!!! You got it …Kid?

  6. Bea says:

    Rob with Bieber’s hair made my morning. Hehehehehe.

  7. I hope someone will ask Rob about the Bieber’s scenarios in an interview. This should be fun.
    Re dancing to Baby at parties, video or it didn’t happen!

    • robsfuturemate says:

      Yes, we so need to hear Rob’s take on this!!!

    • LatersBaby says:

      I want to hear it too, but we know he will be all shades of classy complimenting Bieb’s mad singin’ skills and awesome style.

      Later, maybe Rob will go to a secret Halloween costume party where he can go as The Bieb. He can wear his Bieb hair, talk about “Fly Ladies,” and sing Baby. But, alas, I believe our boy is just too nice for all that mean.

  8. Nelle says:

    The Pretty with a “Bieber.” That’s just WRONG!

  9. no cool name says:

    Oh man. Hilarious from start to finish. Hi.lar.i.ous.

  10. robsfuturemate says:

    Oh Bieb! You did get something right in this idea. Rob would be a great teacher! But unless, you guys are hitting the Jr. High/High School scenes you don’t have a chance! Actually, even then!! The few teeny boppers I know, still prefer Rob over you…and Rob’s got “chest hair, eww”! (quote from them) So, sorry kid, don’t think it’s gonna work for you but nice try!

  11. “..you can look like the Brawny Man got lost in the mountains, fought a bear, lost, stumbled back into civilization and then rolled around in some leftover bacon grease and women will still lose their shit. ”

    Preach it sistah!

    I can so imagine Rob being all geeky and adorable and laughing his cute butt off at all these news about him being Beiber’s wingman. The boys need something to humour themselves when the Hot Pockets run out.

  12. LatersBaby says:

    Oh Bieb Baby (and I really mean “Baby” this time),

    I think you do need to learn some seduction rules:
    1-Um…you admitted to having pick up lines, WRONG. Don’t show your cards young one.

    2-Don’t pick a Wingman who has so much magicness you will literally disappear. (Check RG86 post above–where she said NEVER, EVER 🙂

    3-Until you have Rob moves…you can still learn from his (possibly) authentic moves that leave me panting. Like the, “What? I’m so tall that I can’t hear what you are saying. I’m going to have to bend down and put my ear right next to your mouth so that I can hear you, you can feel my breath, I can smell you hair…”

    4-Be British

  13. melronin says:

    Dear UC&Moon

    You know me now since…dunno…half a year or so! You know me is totally tragic and drama here…some times I confess without any reason…ok…but what happened today almost caused me a heartattack!!!
    It’s 7.00pm here and I am trying to get into LTR since HOURS… but…they denied me access…they said IT IS FORBITTEN!!! Don’t know who “they” are, don’t know why that happened…JUST please don’t let “them” do that again to me! Almost died here…thought you don’t love me any more…sigh!!!


    PS. Little Bieber…be yourself honi…and don’t get crazy ideas that you could become like Rob cause it never ever will happen!
    Rob is ONE and only…end of subject…any attempt to copy him would just be a huge failure!

  14. Janetrigs says:

    Bless his heart.

  15. vickyb says:

    Hahaha the lesbian looking 15 yo boy/girl could be the Biebs or the Stew….either way look around for Rob!!

    • MrsRobPattinson says:

      Ooh, you burned The Bieb and KStew all in one post…beware of the 13-year-old villagers wielding pitchforks and BOP magazines heading your way! 🙂

  16. Smitten says:

    suprisingly Rob does rock the girly Bieber hair… it must be the jawp0rn! Good demonstration of the power of Rob: mothereffinghot no matter what!!!

  17. MrsRobPattinson says:

    Comment virgin here…my silent lurking is no more!

    The Bieb can’t possibly be Rob’s friend – he doesn’t meet the facial-hair-growth requirement!

    ***runs off to bleach eyeballs after seeing Rob with Justin Bieb-hair***

    • robsfuturemate says:

      Welcome MrsRP!! Glad you came out of lurkdom, it’s much more fun to play!

      • LatersBaby says:

        RFM–you are awesome! You also replied to my first post & I’ll always love you for that.

        • robsfuturemate says:

          Aww, shucks! You’re making me blush! I feel like I should start a welcoming commitee, free pic of Rob with every new commentor! But really, it’s because I felt at home the moment that I commented and I want everyone to feel the same way! I love you to Laters! You’re comments are so great!

  18. Edible Art ? says:

    Agreed – Rob and Justin redonkulous – and yeah maybe Rob dosen’t need pick up lines but I sure would like him to ask me to stroke his “haggard badger” (his beard – but not any old beard the fluffy one) 🙂

  19. Cath says:

    Dear Rob,

    Wanting you as a wingman is a spectacular bad idea of the Bieber, I think his ego is deceiving him. We ofcourse know that no one older than 12 would even take a look at him if you’d be in the same room, um, same state. But I will explain to you why hanging out with him might be beneficial for you on one account; The Bieb likes Emma Watson. Um, yeah, that’s kind of my point. He likes you AND he likes Hermione. So he’s got good taste. Except in hair styles.

    Love you with the power of a thousand Hot Pockets,


    P.S. Even you can’t pull off the Bieber. *grabs brain bleach*

    • theseviolentdelights says:

      May I have some of that bleach?
      I’m all out for some reason, and I am in dire need to get the memory of Bieb hair on Rob AND the memory of Bieber himself out.

    • JenlovesRob says:

      When I look at Rob rockin Bieb’s hair it just makes me want to run my fingers through it to bring back the sex hair.

  20. snowwhitedrifted says:

    Random. I always picture the Biebs smelling like Jean nate and baby oil….
    probably because I think he gets hugged alot by grandmas and 3rd graders.

    • theseviolentdelights says:

      I imagine him smelling like baby powder, werthers hard candies, and cats.

    • Cookie says:

      LMAO!! Jean Nate – what a throwback – I remember seeing that in my grandmothers dresser. Everyone is on a roll today!! very funny!!!

  21. Chrisa says:

    Dude is that a photo shopped wig on Rob’s head?! The edge looks weird around his ear and the hair shape & the shadow on the wall don’t match

  22. roslynselene says:

    How odd. LTT has waaaay more comments on today’s post (a letter about ‘not getting’ Rob) than here. Most comments about trying to help TeamSeth understand why we Robsess. Oh the irony! Lol

    • robsfuturemate says:

      I just wanted to point out (and am sure will get thumbs downed) that there is almost no bashing going on over there! Even though people say they don’t like Rob, that he’s not a good actor and whatever else…no one is going crazy pyscho about it!
      Rob fans are still refined!!! Yay!!!

  23. Pattygirl says:

    JB is a hollywood puppet and cashing his 15 minutes, he is launching his own line of Justin beiber nail polish!

  24. Alex says:

    I loved ur “..PS: Brit Readers..” part. Sooo funny. LOL

    J.Bieber should go out with Taylor. They are both teenagers. What was he thinking ha?. POOR Kid.

  25. MidnightCougar says:

    Justin is very young & has a lot to learn, & we all know what an amazing gentleman Rob is, so Rob could definitely teach Justin some nice English etiquette & refinement!

  26. Melissa says:

    God! Robert is very ugly with that hair Justin Bieber!
    Justin is also very ugly!
    and at least what I think

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