Rob has a ‘situation’ with a Porta Potty

The one who smelt it, dealt it!

Dear Rob,

News out of Brasil is fast and furious and it’s hard to figure out what’s true and what’s real and… ok, which picture is the best. We picked our faves the other day on LTT so I guess it’s time to tackle my favorite news item from Breaking Dawn filming:

Torched Toliet in Twilight Protest

Besides the awesome alliteration the news source used in the title, it’s really just gold. I laughed a LOOOONG time after reading it. So, in the post they say that because some of the Lapa Locals got annoyed at the inconvenience the filming caused them, they decided to torch a crew toliet. These people so wouldn’t last a day in Los Angeles.

Regardless of this all I have to say is: BUSTED!

You thought after taco day on set you could get away with using the crew porta potty and no one would be the wiser. You would have been in the clear if you hadn’t decided to try out that ‘totally awesome trick’ you saw in Jackass, and lit your farts to see what would happen. Spoiler Alert: you burned down a Brasilian porta potty. Instead of seeing the blue flame you almost passed out from the noxious flumes (hint: it smells like stale Heineken and the inside of Goodwill) but thankfully a kind old Brasilian grandma named Luisa noticed the smoke and knew EXACTLY what was going on (grandsons) and pulled you out before you were engulfed in flames.

You almost died from lighting your own farts on fire in a Brasilian porta potty between takes and you get your people to blame it on the locals? For shame Rob, at least own up to it or tell the crew you were taping a segment of Justin Bieber’s new version of Punk’d and it went horribly horribly wrong. Next time save this for when you’re home in Dick and Clare’s basement with Tom Stu on another three day video game bender. At least they have a fire extinguisher for emergencies. Or stupid stunts their son does that go very wrong.

Can’t believe I talked about farts,
Themoonisdown

So what really happened with the burned down Porta Potty? Who could really be that mad that Breaking Dawn is filming in their neighborhood? Think of all the money they’d make selling stuff to the Twicrazies camping out waiting for just a glimpse of the magicness!

Source

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Justin Bieber is ready to teach Robert Pattinson a little something about Bieber Fever

Rob, I see fly ladies dead ahead!

Dear Rob,

Recently, Justin Bieber told The Daily Mirror you guys should be wingmen and hit all kinds of fly parties to catch mad honey’s. What? You didn’t understand that?  Ok, ok I’ll interpret for The Biebs… he thinks you guys could meet some really nice (read: slutty) girls if you both went out together and harnessed your powers for mankind.

You can stop laughing now…

What? Fly honey's? Where?

Now my friends know I have a bit of a love affair with bad good pop music so I can’t deny that I don’t love me some Justin Bieber music namely: Baby. And I also won’t deny that I dance my booty off any time it plays at a party. The men may clear off the floor but the ladies rush it. So I’m not saying this is all for naught. You could learn a thing from Justin… in that ladies love to dance to his teeny bopper music and if you resisted the urge to vacate the dance floor like your male counterparts, you could pick up a lot of fly honey’s… though I doubt Kristen is the Bieber type but well… save this tip for ya know…. after… later… whatever.

Justin even mentioned that since you both have famous hair, as a pick up line you could tell girls they could touch your hair. Now you have known for years now that your hair is powerful, like Michael K of Dlisted says: Unicorn Walk through your magical forest of hair. Women have erected shrines to it’s magicness.  You don’t need the Bieb’s mop top to get any kind of ladies. Yours is REAL hair that looks like it’s been styled in all the right ways. Ahem.

As well intentioned as Justin Bieber is, he comes off like a total douche nozzle and you for the most part are NOT a douche nozzle but I think it might be interesting if you reverse Punk’d Justin (who is the new host of Ashton’s show) and told him you SO wanted to go out with him to chase some tail. You have a wealth of knowledge to impart to the next generation.

This could be you, Rob!

You could tell Justin all about hygiene and how his carefully manicured hair and stubble-free chin isn’t really necessary! In your experience you can look like the Brawny Man got lost in the mountains, fought a bear, lost, stumbled back into civilization and then rolled around in some  leftover bacon grease and women will  still lose their shit. It’s a proven fact. You can also tell him that he doesn’t really need to release any more music. From your experience all you need to do it record two songs for a soundtrack and then NEVER perform them in public and girls will act like you just recorded the new Pet Sounds or something. (you did).

Whatever you decide to do just NEVER let me catch you with the Bieber hair and we’re all good.

You’re my eenie meenie minie mo lover… (don’t judge!)
Themoonisdown

PS Brit readers: Justin says he likes British girls!!!! LUCKY! (sarcasm) So if some weird lesbian looking 15 yr old boy/girl offers to let you touch their hair you know what’s up!!! Oh and look around for Rob.

So what else could Rob teach Justin Bieber about getting chicks? Any Rob pick up lines? Anyone else have the Bieber fever?

Oh No They Didn’t!

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