Rob has a ‘situation’ with a Porta Potty

The one who smelt it, dealt it!

Dear Rob,

News out of Brasil is fast and furious and it’s hard to figure out what’s true and what’s real and… ok, which picture is the best. We picked our faves the other day on LTT so I guess it’s time to tackle my favorite news item from Breaking Dawn filming:

Torched Toliet in Twilight Protest

Besides the awesome alliteration the news source used in the title, it’s really just gold. I laughed a LOOOONG time after reading it. So, in the post they say that because some of the Lapa Locals got annoyed at the inconvenience the filming caused them, they decided to torch a crew toliet. These people so wouldn’t last a day in Los Angeles.

Regardless of this all I have to say is: BUSTED!

You thought after taco day on set you could get away with using the crew porta potty and no one would be the wiser. You would have been in the clear if you hadn’t decided to try out that ‘totally awesome trick’ you saw in Jackass, and lit your farts to see what would happen. Spoiler Alert: you burned down a Brasilian porta potty. Instead of seeing the blue flame you almost passed out from the noxious flumes (hint: it smells like stale Heineken and the inside of Goodwill) but thankfully a kind old Brasilian grandma named Luisa noticed the smoke and knew EXACTLY what was going on (grandsons) and pulled you out before you were engulfed in flames.

You almost died from lighting your own farts on fire in a Brasilian porta potty between takes and you get your people to blame it on the locals? For shame Rob, at least own up to it or tell the crew you were taping a segment of Justin Bieber’s new version of Punk’d and it went horribly horribly wrong. Next time save this for when you’re home in Dick and Clare’s basement with Tom Stu on another three day video game bender. At least they have a fire extinguisher for emergencies. Or stupid stunts their son does that go very wrong.

Can’t believe I talked about farts,
Themoonisdown

So what really happened with the burned down Porta Potty? Who could really be that mad that Breaking Dawn is filming in their neighborhood? Think of all the money they’d make selling stuff to the Twicrazies camping out waiting for just a glimpse of the magicness!

Source

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117 Commented

What’s going on here? Rob in LA edition

Dear Rob,

With you back in LA and traipsing around West Hollywood like nobodies looking has given us plenty of new material and it’s been our daily ritual to trade pictures of your latest shenanigans back n forth as we break it down. Just like the good ‘ol days. And today’s no different. Only this time we’re wondering what in the crap you’ve been up to and we think LTR readers have some ideas too… so let’s get started shall we?

So clearly Tom took the paparazzo up on Rob’s offer to let him take as many pictures in 30 seconds if he gave him the flannel. Poor Rob… too bad he doesn’t know TomStu paid the pap off since that flannel completes his killer Halloween costume idea of being the Brawny Man.

Moon: who’s the dude in the toyota driving them??
UC: THAT’S WHAT I SAID younger ben affleck? new friend? Tom’s boyfriend? Kristen’s brother? Kristen’s boyfriend? will we ever know?
Moon: a guy who drove a car up to the back door waiting for one of the bar tenders to get off work, then they jumped in and who was like wtf?! but he drove off
UC: haha yes exactly OR .. it’s a robstners boyfriend coerced with the promise of really good sex to act as a driver and get the goods aka film the back seat make-out session
Moon: and then dump them on the side of the road in a rush to get the video to the girlfriend and onto the internet
UC: his girlfriend is waiting by with a few 80s power ballads to use in the video and bella & edward montages to work in
Moon: and dont forget the roaring fireplace effect
UC: how could i forget!?
Moon: i know… and in reality it really just makes it look like rob/kristen/bella/edward are in a bad house fire
Moon: like this…

Next up…
Remember when you were younger and the cool thing to do was use bleach and rubber bands to make tshirts you thought were cool and in reality you just looked like a hippie or as if you had a big laundry accident. Rob is probably used to having Clare do his laundry so when he tried to do his own laundry for the first time he not only bleach the arm of the sweatshirt he shrunk it in the dryer. Thus the reason he quit doing laundry all together and why everyone thinks he doesn’t shower. Mystery solved!

A big thank you, Rob for actually showing your face occasionally this week and giving UC and I something to blabber about in the mornings like we used to. It’s been fun and educational but we’re still wondering what is going on.

Off to tie dye some shirts!
Themoonisdown

Thanks to our lovely pal Gozde and her girls at Robsessed for always having the goods!

So what do YOU think is going on in these pictures? Give us your takes in the comments!!!

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93 Commented

A Robert Pattinson professional

Dear Rob,

Yesterday, Moon recommended my work as a “Freelance Blogger” on Linked-in & it went something like this:

UC is THE person you want in your lifeboat and in your company every day. I’ve worked with UC on launching, maintaining and creating online ventures (blogs, media, content, etc). We co-created two blogs and work together to maintain and create fresh, creative content for our rabid audience. She is punctual, persistent, creative, and always on top of the latest “thing.” There’s no one else I’d rather work with.”

After having a discussion where I asked her if she’d REALLY rather work with ME over anyone else, even if that meant you, naked (answer: yes, even then), I started thinking about what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately with you missing, off gallivanting in Europe:

Myself.

That’s right. I thought about myself. I thought about how my Linked-In profile (and resume) includes info on my “hobby” of the past almost-two years. It might seem silly, but all this blogging & social networking has actually made me better at my actual profession (in marketing). So I feel it does deserve a spot. Of course it’s all cleverly hidden under the guise of something professional.

For example, this part of my “job”:

I write letters to Rob Pattinson on a semi-daily basis with a focus on the hottest pictures, funniest content, jabs at his girlfriend and run a reader forum where there’s a place to perv over hot pictures & fight with those who disagree with you over his relationship status.

Sounds much better when it’s written this way:

I create & maintain all content with a focus on timely, applicable posts and populate a reader forum with additional information and relevant topics.

See how it’s done?

But it’s lies, Rob. White lies- words disguised in a sneaky way, wrapped in a pretty bow- to trick the readers. I want to start over. I want to be honest with those considering hiring me in the business world. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I’ve created here. So as of today I’m not. Meet: Unintended Choice- Rob Blogger

Unintended Choice

Rob Pattinson expert & blogger at Letters to Rob.com
Philadelphia, PA

Current: Freelance Writer & Blogger at LetterstoRob.com
Self-certified Expert on all things Rob Pattinson

Past: Sad, lonely, unfulfilled life, full of males who can never live up to the specimen that is RPattz

Education: Robert Pattinson School, Honorary doctorate

Summary:

Go getter, self-starter who comes up with a vision and goes after it, no matter what the obstacles. The client I have worked with as a Freelance blogger at Letters to Rob.com doesn’t know I exist. Furthermore he’s afraid of people like me, yet that hasn’t stopped me from creating a place where his fans can be completely involved in his personal business & personal space.

I have the acute ability to persist through duress, like when being called a fat, ugly, crazy cat lady. I push through the hard times when competitors try to tear down my numbers and cause me to fail. In fact, I have proven results that the struggles have increased readership and participation tenfold.

Special Skills:

• Songwriting: Rewrote songs about the client using top 40 hits;
• Inter-personal Relations: Expert on the client’s personal relationships;
• Stylist: Expert on the client’s personal style- know exactly where he prefers to shop for underpants;
• Filmography: Specifically knowledgeable about Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire and the Twilight series;
• Translator: I have the ability to un-jumble the Rob mumble;
• Culinary: Expert in the preferred food(s) of the client; microwaving his favorite snacks & chilling his favorite beer;
• Graphic Design- originator of the RobPorn

Groups:                     Robsten Appreciation, Nonsten Appreciation, TomStu’s fans, RobPorn Originators

Recommendations:

Freelance Blogger at LetterstoRob.com

Do you need some pictures of Rob with mildly suggestive text written over them? Then UC is your girl. Is your company lacking someone who will spend 3/4 of their time on Rob and Twilight sites instead of doing work for your construction/sales/marketing/ad/medical company? Don’t look any further than UC. She’ll drop whatever she’s working on the moment news breaks. She’ll gladly travel for work- preferring travel to London, LA & New Orleans this Fall. And no matter what, the client will always be satisfied. Or he will at least when he finds out she exists.

I truly am a Rob Pattinson Professional!

Love,
UC- err that’s Doctor Unintended Choice to you!

What do you think? Does my Resume/Linked-In profile look right? Am I missing any important “tasks” or special abilities?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

63 Commented

Open Weekend Post Hosted by: TomStu and Taylor Lautner

Dear Rob,

Can you believe these two? Are they trying to make you jealous? Taylor and Tom doing a photoshoot together at the movies eating popcorn.  It’s like Tom knew just how to get to your heart. You two at the movies is like your standard Saturday afternoon bro date and now he’s picking up Taylor for a matinee instead of you?! If they’d had a 6pack of beer (you sneak it in) instead of the popcorn this would mean war. Thank God Taylor is underage so they have to settle for the family friends snacks but you better be careful. Taylor is a likable guy and if Tom starts hanging around Taylor house you may be seeing pictures of them at Olive Garden for the lunch special and then you’re really in trouble. How can you compete with Taylor’s Dad and his passion for sharing his love of chain restaurant Italian food?

You better watch your back and fly Dick over ASAP so you can go vintage car shopping and have him impart some of his special wisdom on Tom. This is your only chance!

Keep the bromance alive!
Themoonisdown

Happy Saturday! I’m currently flying all the way back to Los Angeles from Kenya! See you all soon!!! UC – I’m coming home!! You’re no longer a single blogger! xo, moon

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24 Commented

Breaking Down Rob’s Sad Panda face and then it all goes down hill

Dear Rob,

UC and I got to talking about your weekend paparazzi run-in (see that link for pictures) and we decided that your sad panda face had to be the product of something other than being followed around by some smelly dudes with cameras. We break it down and then get distracted…

UC: I just watched the pap vid. so sad! he seemed really upset
Moon: dude didnt he? it was weird, right?
UC: yeah…. like something must’ve happened…i thought of a few things- Kristen was somewhere near by… and he didn’t want to get caught (cuz just he & Steph in Malibu? odd) OR maybe he was having a mole checked and was embarrassed
Moon: hahahaha defs a mole. OR maybe he was having stomach issues and needed to stop in a CVS but didnt want the paps to take a pic of his diarrhea medication
UC: OR Nikki Reed asked him to pick up a preggers test… he didn’t want them to get the wrong impression
Moon: OR he really wanted to get another double double but was embarrassed that the paps already caught him at an in n out twice that day
UC: he dripped milkshake on his pants and it looked like he peed
Moon: and all he could think about was the cupcake pants snafu from Vancouver. he didnt need people thinking he had a premature ejaculation issue
UC: Dick is sick he got the news and just wanted to cry, but no one read through his “please go away first” sad panda face. All he wanted was a hug even if it was from a sweaty guy who smelled like falafal
Moon: HAHAHA falafel
c

Moon: he just finished the final episode of the OC after going on a bender and watching all 4 seasons in a weekend and he just wanted to drive down the PCH like Marissa and Ryan one last time
UC: Tom was waiting around another bend…. with fake blood poured over him like Marissa- they even had Cam hanging out a truck window- watching him fake die, but Rob was late for the scene….it was sad. They were gonna submit it to funny or Die. Or just keep it to watch once a year during “best Friend Week.” Memories!
Moon: the highway patrol got there first and started a murder investigation
UC: B/c Tom had passed out the heat plus the 3 double double’s he scarfed down himself when Rob went down the road to get gas which they naturally ran out of! They don’t know gallons- only liters. it can be confusing to be British living in the US
Moon: OR rob found out he wrote down the wrong date for comic con and realized he missed the unveiling of the new star wars boba fet figurine
UC: haha
Moon: they sold out in 5 minutes. sad
UC: he went to beach with Stephenie but forgot to bring back Kristen a little jar filled with sand.
She can be a bitch if she doesn’t get her sand. she adds it to her loquat pie… acts like an aphrodisiac …helps with the love making on the bear skin rug
Moon: its a cheap fiber substitute and with all their traveling they have to stay regular
UC: It works- thus the trip to CVS for Rob
c

UC: OR maybe… Rob stole Rosie (the elephant) but she escaped into the sea and he dind’t have insurance on her yet
Moon: he saw her near paradise cove in malibu, lured her to the car with his double double wrapper but couldnt fit her in the backseat
UC: he did pick up a baby seal though thought she could be friends with Jella- such a giving guy
UC: yes I just name dropped Kristen’s cat…. no I’m not a krisbian.. I just have an affinity for all cats
Moon: im not playing anymore you just named her cat. i think you may have taken the krisbian oath on FaceBook last weekend. I’m booking my flight to philly for the intervention
UC: hahahah its a CAT! I don’t discriminate!
Moon: i want to say i do… but i can’t. but it’s a cat. the only cat i love is hello kitty
Moon: that may have been a twimoms on oprah moment for you…if you send me pics of your new place and i see a red carpet in the basement- i’m on the next flight out!
c

Moon: What is all this talk about Rob’s peen on Twitter?
UC: people are INSISTING his penis is showing… some think it’s photoshopped, i think it’s a PHONE
Moon: where is this picture
UC: here (to the right)
Moon: ok, im way more into his sunglasses than looking at his maybe-peen
UC: i looked at the one you posted today…. there is clearly something SQUARE in his pocket which moved
Moon: IF that’s his peen it’s detached and floating around in his “R-Pants”
UC: I think it’s his phone. Someone could’ve photoshopped it.. i just think it’s a bad angle or good angle..whatever
Moon: dude it’s not attached to anything at the bottom
UC: like… LOOK AT it close up  it’s SQUARE
UC: also is Rob that much of an idiot that he’d free ball it.
Moon: this is a rhetorical question, right?
UC: oh THAT’S WHY HE WAS SO SAD… his HUGE PENIS was going to be PHOTOGRAPHED. he KNEW IT *sarcasm
Moon: he’s pissed they didnt get ENOUGH pics of his huge penis. he’s going to only wear a shirt next time
UC: Yes…. and carry a magnifying glass to point to that area
Moon: tom stu will walk next to him with a neon arrow on wheels

Yup… so this is what we think happened and why you were so distressed on that paparazzi video it wasn’t being followed around and annoyed non stop by dorks with cameras. It was all these reasons! We get it now!

Off to measure my backseat for an elephant,
Themoonisdown

So which reason was it… what is your reason (besides the obvi) for his sad freaked out face? SHARE!

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93 Commented