Breaking Down Rob’s Sad Panda face and then it all goes down hill

Dear Rob,

UC and I got to talking about your weekend paparazzi run-in (see that link for pictures) and we decided that your sad panda face had to be the product of something other than being followed around by some smelly dudes with cameras. We break it down and then get distracted…

UC: I just watched the pap vid. so sad! he seemed really upset
Moon: dude didnt he? it was weird, right?
UC: yeah…. like something must’ve happened…i thought of a few things- Kristen was somewhere near by… and he didn’t want to get caught (cuz just he & Steph in Malibu? odd) OR maybe he was having a mole checked and was embarrassed
Moon: hahahaha defs a mole. OR maybe he was having stomach issues and needed to stop in a CVS but didnt want the paps to take a pic of his diarrhea medication
UC: OR Nikki Reed asked him to pick up a preggers test… he didn’t want them to get the wrong impression
Moon: OR he really wanted to get another double double but was embarrassed that the paps already caught him at an in n out twice that day
UC: he dripped milkshake on his pants and it looked like he peed
Moon: and all he could think about was the cupcake pants snafu from Vancouver. he didnt need people thinking he had a premature ejaculation issue
UC: Dick is sick he got the news and just wanted to cry, but no one read through his “please go away first” sad panda face. All he wanted was a hug even if it was from a sweaty guy who smelled like falafal
Moon: HAHAHA falafel
c

Moon: he just finished the final episode of the OC after going on a bender and watching all 4 seasons in a weekend and he just wanted to drive down the PCH like Marissa and Ryan one last time
UC: Tom was waiting around another bend…. with fake blood poured over him like Marissa- they even had Cam hanging out a truck window- watching him fake die, but Rob was late for the scene….it was sad. They were gonna submit it to funny or Die. Or just keep it to watch once a year during “best Friend Week.” Memories!
Moon: the highway patrol got there first and started a murder investigation
UC: B/c Tom had passed out the heat plus the 3 double double’s he scarfed down himself when Rob went down the road to get gas which they naturally ran out of! They don’t know gallons- only liters. it can be confusing to be British living in the US
Moon: OR rob found out he wrote down the wrong date for comic con and realized he missed the unveiling of the new star wars boba fet figurine
UC: haha
Moon: they sold out in 5 minutes. sad
UC: he went to beach with Stephenie but forgot to bring back Kristen a little jar filled with sand.
She can be a bitch if she doesn’t get her sand. she adds it to her loquat pie… acts like an aphrodisiac …helps with the love making on the bear skin rug
Moon: its a cheap fiber substitute and with all their traveling they have to stay regular
UC: It works- thus the trip to CVS for Rob
c

UC: OR maybe… Rob stole Rosie (the elephant) but she escaped into the sea and he dind’t have insurance on her yet
Moon: he saw her near paradise cove in malibu, lured her to the car with his double double wrapper but couldnt fit her in the backseat
UC: he did pick up a baby seal though thought she could be friends with Jella- such a giving guy
UC: yes I just name dropped Kristen’s cat…. no I’m not a krisbian.. I just have an affinity for all cats
Moon: im not playing anymore you just named her cat. i think you may have taken the krisbian oath on FaceBook last weekend. I’m booking my flight to philly for the intervention
UC: hahahah its a CAT! I don’t discriminate!
Moon: i want to say i do… but i can’t. but it’s a cat. the only cat i love is hello kitty
Moon: that may have been a twimoms on oprah moment for you…if you send me pics of your new place and i see a red carpet in the basement- i’m on the next flight out!
c

Moon: What is all this talk about Rob’s peen on Twitter?
UC: people are INSISTING his penis is showing… some think it’s photoshopped, i think it’s a PHONE
Moon: where is this picture
UC: here (to the right)
Moon: ok, im way more into his sunglasses than looking at his maybe-peen
UC: i looked at the one you posted today…. there is clearly something SQUARE in his pocket which moved
Moon: IF that’s his peen it’s detached and floating around in his “R-Pants”
UC: I think it’s his phone. Someone could’ve photoshopped it.. i just think it’s a bad angle or good angle..whatever
Moon: dude it’s not attached to anything at the bottom
UC: like… LOOK AT it close up  it’s SQUARE
UC: also is Rob that much of an idiot that he’d free ball it.
Moon: this is a rhetorical question, right?
UC: oh THAT’S WHY HE WAS SO SAD… his HUGE PENIS was going to be PHOTOGRAPHED. he KNEW IT *sarcasm
Moon: he’s pissed they didnt get ENOUGH pics of his huge penis. he’s going to only wear a shirt next time
UC: Yes…. and carry a magnifying glass to point to that area
Moon: tom stu will walk next to him with a neon arrow on wheels

Yup… so this is what we think happened and why you were so distressed on that paparazzi video it wasn’t being followed around and annoyed non stop by dorks with cameras. It was all these reasons! We get it now!

Off to measure my backseat for an elephant,
Themoonisdown

So which reason was it… what is your reason (besides the obvi) for his sad freaked out face? SHARE!

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93 Commented

Robert Pattinson gets stuck in an attic during the summer and then rolls with the Homies!

Dear Rob,

As we all know you can flip our moods on a dime. Case in point today I saw the promo image for a short you’re in called “Summer House” and I was GA-ROSSED out… to the max.

Nice mullet man. SERIOUSLY the little flippy bits in the back and then the fact that it looks like you’ve been trapped in a hot attic all day during the summer sweating your ass off until this poor girl found you when she went looking for elbow length gloves in grandma’s old trunk and found you trapped up there instead. Don Juan de Gross-o stuck up there with your shirt half unbuttoned, your business in the front and party in the back and then what I can only imagine is the worst BO of all time. ALL TIME. She’s obviously trying not to inhale because you’re so close to her olfactory senses. She’s just trying to stand still so you’ll think she’s an oasis in your heat stroked brain and you won’t stain her prom dress with your sweaty hands. This is clearly what The Summer House is about. Clearly.  If that doesn’t sell you on seeing The Summer House, I don’t know what will. Their production team should definitely hire me to do the PR for this movie.

The crazy thing is after I was super grossed out by Don Juan de Gross-o I saw pictures of you and TomStu rolling around LA in a Chevy Nova like freaking rockstars. Only it’s so hilarious because you’re two sorta fey, bumbling brits (probably) awkwardly driving an American Muscle car into an In N Out drive through. CLASSIC RobStu shiz right there. You two should have a reality show. The underwears shopping, the clothing swapping, intense debates about the merits of the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels (ok, I’m imaging this happening) and now THIS. Please someone at E! give these kids a camera crew and some air time. We NEED this in our lives NOT the Kardashians or those dumb sluts who broke into Celebrities homes.

Obviously, you know the way to my heart.You know I was super creeped out by the Summer House image so you swiped a classic car cause you know how I’m in the market for one and then drove around till you found a paparazzo in a parking lot of an In N Out. Then in my mind you ordered grilled cheese, animal style with a diet Coke and then you put “Rollin’ with my homies” on blast in the Nova tape deck (cause it’s so obviously a tape deck) and pumped that shiz as you drove reeeeeal slow down Sunset.

And you waited cause you knew even with no consistent internet connection till tomorrow that I would see these and forgive you for the Summer House image. And I do…on one condition. Drive that Nova to my neighborhood and flip the hydraulic switches so we can really get this party started.

Rollin’ with the homies! *does the hand motion*
Themoonisdown

PS I should be back to 24/7 internet connection today. FINALLY! So I’ll be back to commenting and hanging around.
PPS We’re looking for new letter submissions so email your letters to Rob and Twilight to us!

How can Rob be simultaneously repulsive AND awesome at the same time? I can’t wrap my mind around whatever power he has that makes this possible. What would the RobStu reality show be called? Where else did they go on their fantastic voyage?

Follow the cut for the theme song to the RobStu reality show Continue…

120 Commented

My first date with Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob-

I was reading through the comments from yesterday’s post and was astonished that so many people thought they had 0 chance of ever meeting you/shagging you but, I am quite delusional the opposite because not only do I think I WILL meet you, and you WILL fall madly and stupidly in love with me, I actually already have our first date all planned out in my head! See, I plan ahead! This is one of the things you will grow to love about me. I know. So thanks girls who are giving up, more Rob for me!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHia8NxIXuc]

You see after I saw this little video I knew we were meant to be… so when you’ve got a free night here’s the plan…

8:00 you pick me up at my place and I fear for my life as you drive to the restaurant. You dodge 3 cats and an old lady. I pray to god we make it… “I’d never given much thought to how I would die… but dying in the place of someone you love seems like a good way to go”

8:17 we make it. barely. the near death experience has given us the shakes so we immediately order some booze to make all those bad memories disappear

8:32 two bottles of wine later we drunkenly gaze at each other as we FEEL that “special spark” between us ignite. We shoo the waitress away who keeps asking us to order

8:32.5 we call waitress back over to order another bottle of wine

8:47 we realize this “special spark” just can’t be contained anymore and we lunge for each other and then realize PDA might not be appropriate in this venue at the owner tells us to “get the H-word out you sicko’s! There are kids around!”

8:48 we stumble to the car laughing and procede to SPECIAL HUG in the backseat like a couple 16 yr olds at lovers lane on prom night

8:52 (let’s keep it real here girls, 4 minutes is probably generous) spent, drunk and hungry we roll over to In-n-Out

9:01 Order cheeseburgAHs and eat them in the dark of the parking lot before we special hug again

See ya at 8!
Themoonisdown

1,274 Commented

UC and Moon's excellent adventure – Los Angeles

Dear Rob,

We feel like you need a lil’ background on us since we’ve been so intimate lately. We met in college during the fall of 2002 when we were at an off-campus program with 30 students. We were not friends. It’s a long story but basically UC was a bitch and Moon seemed like a rock star (moon note: and was a bitch too). And we forgot to introduce ourselves on the first day and so just decided it’d be easier to ignore each other all semester. Flash forward to 2004- UC has the worst job on planet earth & Moon is bored at home. We talk online, a lot.. and our friendship begins. We see each other for a day and 1/2 in 2008, so our visit together for five days a few weeks back was a big deal- our first extended time together in 6 and 1/2 years and our first time as friends! We were super excited to see each other, to say the least!

There’s so much to recap- we did so much! We ate so much food- we drank a lot of champagne! We watched a lot of Twilight and stayed up late every night writing kickin’ blog posts! We can’t possible tell you all we did (but come over tonight and we promise we’ll try…) So, we thought we’d recap our trip for you and the LTR girls in little snippets!

Hugs & LA-love,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

Our breakdown of this momentous trip…

Friday–

• Moon live Tweets picking up UC and Hubs at the airport. Sample “Driving like edward in la. being as safe as possible while planning slumber party with ashley in head“

• then we zoom over to the Hot Topic DVD release party to meet up with our BFF, Ashley Greene. Live Tweet: “we are at the gates of hell! twihards screaming and tv cameras filming. no ash sighting” Instead we are tres embarrassed by the other fans who showed up… see this video:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SusDpcj-Fi4]

Transcript
*girl screams bloody murder* (at least like eleventy billion times that night. seriously)
UC: god
Moon: Wow, unnecessary!
UC: I’m videoing
Moon: 1st hand embarrassing!
UC: Oh, I’m gonna fall. Ok I’m gonna stop it… helloooo… how do I stop it…
*cuts camera*

See people this is what it’s like out with your ol pals UC and Moon… a laugh a minute. This is why we chose the WRITTEN word!

More Moon and UC shenanigans after the cut!
Continue…

761 Commented