These “Confessions” make me wonder, laugh and worry

Dear Rob,

Oh hey… long time no see. I heard you left your hidey hole to make your way to jolly old England this weekend, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. You see, as you probably don’t know cause you have a life and I sure hope you don’t troll sites when you’re bored, there are these two tumblr’s called Robsten Confessions and Nonnie (Nonsten) Confessions. Which, as the name would suggest is confessions from Robsten and Nonsten folks. Now I pretty much die laughing, nod my head a lot, or shake my head when I go there because I think 4 things…

1. These are REAL
2. These are NOT real and Robsten and Nonsten fans are now totally self aware and this blows my mind
3. Robsten fans are sabotaging Nonstens by sending in fake confessions. And vice versa. They do this shit to incite each other
4. These are HILARIOUS!

Rob, do you know your fans spend this much time on you and your relationship?

Robsten Confessions

I sometimes wonder if you guys even car or if you “plan” this stuff.

This makes me rethink the last (almost) three years of my life if this is “destiny.” Do you believe in destiny Rob or was this just what happened because your mom was a model agent who sent you on a Harry Potter audition call?

Wow, let me introduce you to a few things that register higher on my prayer list…

“Breath Me” will do that to you….

Really?

This would be one of the sabotage ones I was referring to…. because “less hobo-ish?” that’s pretty much a backhanded compliment, right?

What’s gonna happen when all this is over? I worry about stuff like this because they won’t be in the spotlight 24/7 like now and as much as we have loved and enjoyed Rob, Kristen, Taylor and Twilight, and we are thankful for how it helped a lot of us (us included) out of some terrible funks, it can be a crutch and I hope everyone remembers this is a happy moment in their life and moves on to do great things! (*wipes a tear*)

SECURITY!!!

PLEASE GOD, if you love us, make this so!!!

Dear God I hope not because this just makes me wonder about how much of these “confessions” from both sides are really deep personal issues and ideas people are wrestling with and fans have just projected what they want onto you and Kristen, when no one knows you.

Case in point.
This makes me sad.

Nonsten Confessions

It wouldn’t be Twilight (or the story we all fell in love with) without Taylor or the love triangle he creates.

Do you ever feel the same way for Van Morrison, or your friends music, or even KOL just because you went to their concert?

Now that you mention it…. hmmmm…

Does it bug you that some of your fans (us included) sometimes think or wish you were gay?

They aren’t. Reading the books reminds me of this.

After all this how could you not be confused. What’s real, what’s not. Is it really “smoke and mirrors” like Kristen says or is it a real relationship? At the end of the day why do we care that much? And THAT is the most interesting question to me.

I just hope some day there’s a tell-all book or True Hollywood Story and we finally learn what really happened. And I hope it’s so boring. I truly do, I think our imaginations about your Rob, are way more powerful and interesting than the real thing. It’s probably part of the reason you like being an actor, you like telling stories… stories that are usually fiction.

These are my confessions,
Themoonisdown

All images from: Nonnie Confessions, Robsten Confessions

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95 Commented

Enter the Wu… and the Rob

Dear Rob,

Vancouver just continues to keep providing the gems… besides just giving us actual updates on what’s happening and the random paparazzi picture you continue to keep taking the most amazing fan  photos. First, we got this hum dinger (yes, hum dinger) with the most amazing creep eyes in the background and now we have THIS jewel to add to the crown…

Yes, this is you english boy Robert Pattinson in a….. WU TANG hoodie. Yes, WU TANG as in Wu Tang Clan as in Ol Dirty Bastard, RZA, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, and Method Man among others, that Wu Tang clan.

After some very fond memories about High School and the Wu’s music, I got to thinking what could the acronym  C.R.E.A.M. stand for besides one of their most popular songs Cash Rules Everything Around Me which seems pretty appropriate for the bizzznaaass you’re in. Regardless here’s my list…

C.R.E.A.M.

• Carnivore Rob Enjoys All Meat

• Carrying Rabies Everywhere Airlines Meander

• Classy Rob Enjoys All Men

• Complacent Rob Envies  Alex Meraz

• Cruddy Rob Emaciated and Mangey

• Cullen Rosealie Edward and Meyers (their accident law firm in Forks, WA)

• Casting Rob Endangered All Men

Then I thought what if that C was really a K…. and this happened:

• Kristen Rules Everything Around Me

Heeeeeyyyyoooo! Up top! Preach?! Anyone? No? no…? Ok. So yea I could go on all day (or maybe like 20 minutes) about Wu Tang and how you should protect yo neck and about how after laughter comes tearzzz but I’m sure most of your audience probably don’t have that many fond Wu memories but I’ll go ahead and say this makes my Monday and is now in my folder of best fan photos to some day be posted in some sort of fan photo hall of fame.

Dolla Dolla Billz Yall!
Themoonisdown

Rob takes the bestest fan pictures ever right? What are your faves and what would you do if ever given the opp to pose with the Robster yourself?

Source: BreakingDawnMovie.org

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Follow the jump for some C.R.E.A.M.
Continue…

85 Commented

Rob’s on the auction block and I make a plan

Read this:

Dear Rob,

Do you know that a 2 night stay in a hotel with you during Breaking Dawn Filming in Vancouver, is being auctioned off for a good cause?

You must have been listening when I wanted you to be more like Kellan in regards to charity. But this is AHMAZING! I mean talk about sacrifice! You never know WHO could win this thing or who you’ll be in a hotel room with for 2 nights. It could be a crazy Krisbian who really just wants to meet Kristen or wants to tell you to treat her right, or maybe it’s it Taylor Swift hoping to win back TLaut or it could be one of those crazy Rob fans who are “on the list.” You know the list. OR it could be me because I’ve taken out a 2nd mortgage, drained my 401K, withdrew all our LTT store money (27 dollars!) and “borrowed” all of UC and Mr. Choice’s life savings (shhh! Don’t tell) and started selling life size cardboard Jumping Rob’s (a gabillion in preorders already!). So I’m pretty sure, unless Nikki Reed starts bidding against me (I can’t compete against revenge money) I will win!! Don’t be scuuuurrred!

But what will we do for 2 whole days in a hotel room? Ok, get your mind out of the gutter (no wait, don’t).

I’ve come up with a few ideas for our two days…

and just because we can now… follow the jump(ing Rob) for the rest!!
Continue…

145 Commented

Rob goes to Texas, watches “the game,” meets some Tech girls and Lubbock fails to get it on video

Dear Rob,

Now that you’re not filming anything, I guess you decided to hit the road and see this country we call home. It’s definitely the best way to see it. Just last night you turned up in Texas and there was photographic evidence

so of course what else did we do? We broke that ish down…

I expect one of these Rob!

Moon: sooo rob is on some sort of roadtrip he’s now been seen in two places
UC: a joke roadtrip? did I read he went to LUBBOCK? as in TEXAS?
Moon: 1st he was seen in Santa Fe, New Mexico eating dinner and then LUBBOCK! Yes, lubbock as in home to the red raiders out in BFE west texas
UC: you know what I think? I think the paparazzi in these cities PAID him big money to show up- they want to start a little “scene” and who better to kick it off!? he was paid in belt buckles and BBQ. Jordan the unicorn is from Lubbock. Dang…. we should get him on Rob Stalking patrol also this east coast girl has no idea who the red raiders are
Moon: i did!  i tweeted him last night. I told Jordan (our very first male commenter from WAY back in the day) the LTR Bat Signal was shining in the sky over his city and he needed to get to work!  And he got out of bed! What a trooper and a unicorn for us!
UC: hahahaha YES! amazing! can you imagine? I mean… imagine for a second you don’t live in LA…. imagine you’re me just minding your own business going out on a Monday night to grab a drink with some pals  and in walks Rob pattinson. In your neighborhood bar of COURSE

What I imagine Jordan driving around Lubbock in

Moon: Jordan the Unicorn tells us that the place was on lockdown and that there was even a group of girls waiting outside a hotel that Jordan supposed would be where they’d stay.
UC: wow…… word spreads fast in Lubbocks the town crier got paid last night
Moon: jordan said the bar is pretty much across the street from campus!
UC: college girlls!! holllaa!
Moon: no one ever said the britpack were geniuses

Follow the cut for karaoke, smoking, Tech girls and more
Continue…

108 Commented

Breaking Down Rob’s Sad Panda face and then it all goes down hill

Dear Rob,

UC and I got to talking about your weekend paparazzi run-in (see that link for pictures) and we decided that your sad panda face had to be the product of something other than being followed around by some smelly dudes with cameras. We break it down and then get distracted…

UC: I just watched the pap vid. so sad! he seemed really upset
Moon: dude didnt he? it was weird, right?
UC: yeah…. like something must’ve happened…i thought of a few things- Kristen was somewhere near by… and he didn’t want to get caught (cuz just he & Steph in Malibu? odd) OR maybe he was having a mole checked and was embarrassed
Moon: hahahaha defs a mole. OR maybe he was having stomach issues and needed to stop in a CVS but didnt want the paps to take a pic of his diarrhea medication
UC: OR Nikki Reed asked him to pick up a preggers test… he didn’t want them to get the wrong impression
Moon: OR he really wanted to get another double double but was embarrassed that the paps already caught him at an in n out twice that day
UC: he dripped milkshake on his pants and it looked like he peed
Moon: and all he could think about was the cupcake pants snafu from Vancouver. he didnt need people thinking he had a premature ejaculation issue
UC: Dick is sick he got the news and just wanted to cry, but no one read through his “please go away first” sad panda face. All he wanted was a hug even if it was from a sweaty guy who smelled like falafal
Moon: HAHAHA falafel
c

Moon: he just finished the final episode of the OC after going on a bender and watching all 4 seasons in a weekend and he just wanted to drive down the PCH like Marissa and Ryan one last time
UC: Tom was waiting around another bend…. with fake blood poured over him like Marissa- they even had Cam hanging out a truck window- watching him fake die, but Rob was late for the scene….it was sad. They were gonna submit it to funny or Die. Or just keep it to watch once a year during “best Friend Week.” Memories!
Moon: the highway patrol got there first and started a murder investigation
UC: B/c Tom had passed out the heat plus the 3 double double’s he scarfed down himself when Rob went down the road to get gas which they naturally ran out of! They don’t know gallons- only liters. it can be confusing to be British living in the US
Moon: OR rob found out he wrote down the wrong date for comic con and realized he missed the unveiling of the new star wars boba fet figurine
UC: haha
Moon: they sold out in 5 minutes. sad
UC: he went to beach with Stephenie but forgot to bring back Kristen a little jar filled with sand.
She can be a bitch if she doesn’t get her sand. she adds it to her loquat pie… acts like an aphrodisiac …helps with the love making on the bear skin rug
Moon: its a cheap fiber substitute and with all their traveling they have to stay regular
UC: It works- thus the trip to CVS for Rob
c

UC: OR maybe… Rob stole Rosie (the elephant) but she escaped into the sea and he dind’t have insurance on her yet
Moon: he saw her near paradise cove in malibu, lured her to the car with his double double wrapper but couldnt fit her in the backseat
UC: he did pick up a baby seal though thought she could be friends with Jella- such a giving guy
UC: yes I just name dropped Kristen’s cat…. no I’m not a krisbian.. I just have an affinity for all cats
Moon: im not playing anymore you just named her cat. i think you may have taken the krisbian oath on FaceBook last weekend. I’m booking my flight to philly for the intervention
UC: hahahah its a CAT! I don’t discriminate!
Moon: i want to say i do… but i can’t. but it’s a cat. the only cat i love is hello kitty
Moon: that may have been a twimoms on oprah moment for you…if you send me pics of your new place and i see a red carpet in the basement- i’m on the next flight out!
c

Moon: What is all this talk about Rob’s peen on Twitter?
UC: people are INSISTING his penis is showing… some think it’s photoshopped, i think it’s a PHONE
Moon: where is this picture
UC: here (to the right)
Moon: ok, im way more into his sunglasses than looking at his maybe-peen
UC: i looked at the one you posted today…. there is clearly something SQUARE in his pocket which moved
Moon: IF that’s his peen it’s detached and floating around in his “R-Pants”
UC: I think it’s his phone. Someone could’ve photoshopped it.. i just think it’s a bad angle or good angle..whatever
Moon: dude it’s not attached to anything at the bottom
UC: like… LOOK AT it close up  it’s SQUARE
UC: also is Rob that much of an idiot that he’d free ball it.
Moon: this is a rhetorical question, right?
UC: oh THAT’S WHY HE WAS SO SAD… his HUGE PENIS was going to be PHOTOGRAPHED. he KNEW IT *sarcasm
Moon: he’s pissed they didnt get ENOUGH pics of his huge penis. he’s going to only wear a shirt next time
UC: Yes…. and carry a magnifying glass to point to that area
Moon: tom stu will walk next to him with a neon arrow on wheels

Yup… so this is what we think happened and why you were so distressed on that paparazzi video it wasn’t being followed around and annoyed non stop by dorks with cameras. It was all these reasons! We get it now!

Off to measure my backseat for an elephant,
Themoonisdown

So which reason was it… what is your reason (besides the obvi) for his sad freaked out face? SHARE!

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93 Commented