Breaking Down Rob’s Sad Panda face and then it all goes down hill

Dear Rob,

UC and I got to talking about your weekend paparazzi run-in (see that link for pictures) and we decided that your sad panda face had to be the product of something other than being followed around by some smelly dudes with cameras. We break it down and then get distracted…

UC: I just watched the pap vid. so sad! he seemed really upset
Moon: dude didnt he? it was weird, right?
UC: yeah…. like something must’ve happened…i thought of a few things- Kristen was somewhere near by… and he didn’t want to get caught (cuz just he & Steph in Malibu? odd) OR maybe he was having a mole checked and was embarrassed
Moon: hahahaha defs a mole. OR maybe he was having stomach issues and needed to stop in a CVS but didnt want the paps to take a pic of his diarrhea medication
UC: OR Nikki Reed asked him to pick up a preggers test… he didn’t want them to get the wrong impression
Moon: OR he really wanted to get another double double but was embarrassed that the paps already caught him at an in n out twice that day
UC: he dripped milkshake on his pants and it looked like he peed
Moon: and all he could think about was the cupcake pants snafu from Vancouver. he didnt need people thinking he had a premature ejaculation issue
UC: Dick is sick he got the news and just wanted to cry, but no one read through his “please go away first” sad panda face. All he wanted was a hug even if it was from a sweaty guy who smelled like falafal
Moon: HAHAHA falafel
c

Moon: he just finished the final episode of the OC after going on a bender and watching all 4 seasons in a weekend and he just wanted to drive down the PCH like Marissa and Ryan one last time
UC: Tom was waiting around another bend…. with fake blood poured over him like Marissa- they even had Cam hanging out a truck window- watching him fake die, but Rob was late for the scene….it was sad. They were gonna submit it to funny or Die. Or just keep it to watch once a year during “best Friend Week.” Memories!
Moon: the highway patrol got there first and started a murder investigation
UC: B/c Tom had passed out the heat plus the 3 double double’s he scarfed down himself when Rob went down the road to get gas which they naturally ran out of! They don’t know gallons- only liters. it can be confusing to be British living in the US
Moon: OR rob found out he wrote down the wrong date for comic con and realized he missed the unveiling of the new star wars boba fet figurine
UC: haha
Moon: they sold out in 5 minutes. sad
UC: he went to beach with Stephenie but forgot to bring back Kristen a little jar filled with sand.
She can be a bitch if she doesn’t get her sand. she adds it to her loquat pie… acts like an aphrodisiac …helps with the love making on the bear skin rug
Moon: its a cheap fiber substitute and with all their traveling they have to stay regular
UC: It works- thus the trip to CVS for Rob
c

UC: OR maybe… Rob stole Rosie (the elephant) but she escaped into the sea and he dind’t have insurance on her yet
Moon: he saw her near paradise cove in malibu, lured her to the car with his double double wrapper but couldnt fit her in the backseat
UC: he did pick up a baby seal though thought she could be friends with Jella- such a giving guy
UC: yes I just name dropped Kristen’s cat…. no I’m not a krisbian.. I just have an affinity for all cats
Moon: im not playing anymore you just named her cat. i think you may have taken the krisbian oath on FaceBook last weekend. I’m booking my flight to philly for the intervention
UC: hahahah its a CAT! I don’t discriminate!
Moon: i want to say i do… but i can’t. but it’s a cat. the only cat i love is hello kitty
Moon: that may have been a twimoms on oprah moment for you…if you send me pics of your new place and i see a red carpet in the basement- i’m on the next flight out!
c

Moon: What is all this talk about Rob’s peen on Twitter?
UC: people are INSISTING his penis is showing… some think it’s photoshopped, i think it’s a PHONE
Moon: where is this picture
UC: here (to the right)
Moon: ok, im way more into his sunglasses than looking at his maybe-peen
UC: i looked at the one you posted today…. there is clearly something SQUARE in his pocket which moved
Moon: IF that’s his peen it’s detached and floating around in his “R-Pants”
UC: I think it’s his phone. Someone could’ve photoshopped it.. i just think it’s a bad angle or good angle..whatever
Moon: dude it’s not attached to anything at the bottom
UC: like… LOOK AT it close up  it’s SQUARE
UC: also is Rob that much of an idiot that he’d free ball it.
Moon: this is a rhetorical question, right?
UC: oh THAT’S WHY HE WAS SO SAD… his HUGE PENIS was going to be PHOTOGRAPHED. he KNEW IT *sarcasm
Moon: he’s pissed they didnt get ENOUGH pics of his huge penis. he’s going to only wear a shirt next time
UC: Yes…. and carry a magnifying glass to point to that area
Moon: tom stu will walk next to him with a neon arrow on wheels

Yup… so this is what we think happened and why you were so distressed on that paparazzi video it wasn’t being followed around and annoyed non stop by dorks with cameras. It was all these reasons! We get it now!

Off to measure my backseat for an elephant,
Themoonisdown

So which reason was it… what is your reason (besides the obvi) for his sad freaked out face? SHARE!

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93 Commented

Dancin’ in the street with the Paparazzi and respecting Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

Paparazzi videos usually don’t make me sad but that one definitely did. I don’t know if it’s your sad panda face when you stop the car for the billionth time, the way the engine wheezed thudded to life making it sound like your morning smokers hack or the fact that it’s Sunday night and tomorrow I have to go back to work, but whatever it is that video made me a little sad for you.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things you don’t have it rough at all and some lame dudes with cameras following you around is annoying and a bit of a safety hazard at best. I have to remember you get paid a LOT of money and this is one of those unfortunate side effects that comes with being stupidly rich and famous and good looking.

BUT I do admire your chutzpa in stopping the car and trying to wait them out. Though you know they’ll take pictures and ask you stupid stuff about the loquat crumble recipe and call you “Edward” as long as you let them. So it was a flawed attempt at using logic on the paparazzi, they don’t work that way, sadly. Even when you tried to reason telling them they’d taken “millions of pictures” and that should be enough. It should Rob, it should! But why do they want more? Are they waiting for Kristen to meet you in the parking lot of a fireplace store? Or are they hoping to catch you and John Stamos hanging out at Bob Saget’s house again?  It makes me wonder how long you stood out there, in the middle of the street waiting for them to leave you alone, then talking to cops and then most bizarrely talking to that girl about the cars or the Kardashians? I couldn’t tell. Whatever it is that was the most odd part of the evening.

But what can we do as fans? We’ve already been hit up by some emails saying that the respect Rob campaign should be started up again. What were we doing since the last supposed “bad” paparazzi run in that prompted the respect stuff? Disrespecting you? (Nice and slow, right Freya?) Ok, ok just on the occasional Friday when we drop some Rob Porn on the ladies. But really, should we be boycotting mags and their sites and telling people we’re “proud to be paparazzi free?” HALE NAH, cause we love us a good pap picture, without those we wouldn’t have the underwear shopping trip or the wrist holding pic or those blessed Nova pictures from last week? So where does that leave us?

Prompted by your own mid-street stand-in I propose as a way of showing our respect that all Rob fans walk into the middle of the street tomorrow at noon for a moment of silence and sad panda faces in remembrance of your weekend paparazzi show down. Now if we happen to obstruct traffic, or ask your coworker to follow you into the street with a point-and-shoot digital camera to reenact the moment or repeatedly get into your busted Kia Sephia and crank the engine than that’s just bonus points. Super fans will go the extra mile to show how much they respect your street side showdown.

In an effort to make this not such a sad video can someone please remix this and add the song “Dancing in the Street” by Martha and the Vandellas so that our new Respect Rob movement will have a theme song and now every time a Rob fan is out drunk Karaoke-ing and this song comes on we all have a moment of silence to let the paparazzi know we will NOT stand for this any long. But we WILL stand in the street!

Now it’s time to start taking photos of ourselves in the middle of the street so we can post them here to show how much we’re REAL Rob fans.

You agree I assume, right Rob? You’ll join us next time Dancin’ in the Street comes on the oldies station in the Nova?

Themoonisdown

Thoughts on the video? Does it make you a little sad and distressed to see Rob out of sorts and annoyed by the paparazzi? Cause it does for me. Who’s going to do a street stand in to show their respect and Rob? Make sure you send us a picture! 😉

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207 Commented

Where in the world is the Edward Action Figure – Baywatch Edition

Dear Edward-

Last weekend when the Moon family came to visit LA it was awesome that you threw caution to the wind and joined us in Malibu at Paradise Cove for brunch and a day on the beach in bright sunlight. You are so cavalier in your love for me! You even braved the water though you’re only a couple inches tall and those waves got a bit unruly and almost took you out!

After Brunch it was time to hit the sand and head straight for the surf

You were a sport and laid out with me even though you can’t tan

Then it was time to build a sand castle… it was obvious you studied architecture at some point

Then for the heck of it you decided to scale the side of the castle

We were having so much fun even BrotherMoon got in on the act

After that we decided to take a romantic stroll to the pier

You found a shell and (barely) held on to it for me

and then the unthinkable happened: a HUGE (mini edward sized) wave came up right as I was taking this pic and swept you away. Thank goodness Lilcrazycow was there to save your life (and this reoccurring blog post) because we all would have mourned your loss forever

That was such an ordeal we decided to take a breather on some beach chairs

and Lilcrazycow knew this was a Kodak moment she needed to capture before it was time to leave

Before you could get back in the car I made you (and Mommoon) wash all the sand off

It was time to leave and you couldn’t decide whether to take the motorcycles…

or the porsche. You choose the Porsche. Wise decision.

XO
Themoonisdown

Location: Paradise Cove – Malibu, California

299 Commented