Open Weekend Post: Rob’s “mom” wears jorts

Dear Rob,

First off, I must apologize to you. I watched the paparazzi video of you in Malibu, but in my own defense, I was researching an article about you having a car accident and I only watched the video out of concern for you. It made me sick. But then I got to wondering why I felt so nauseous, and I came up with a few reasons for my reaction and I would like to share those with you:

A. The video was so abusive to you by the paparazzi that I was appalled.
B. You actually went to the cinema with an older woman that was wearing jorts.
C. Kristen isn’t paying enough attention to you since she’s off filming her new movie, and you knew of course how she hates the pap’s, so you planned an altercation so that you could get some Kristen sympathy.
D. Your agent is trying to create press for your new movies. OR
E. You just wanted some cougar touch.

Which lead me to these conclusions:

A. The pap’s are sleazy a-holes and should be horsewhipped. That’s how we handle sleazy a-holes in Texas. You should come hangout here with me. We could have an interesting time whipping Paps. We could start a P&M club. I’ve even got the whip…and the handcuffs, and the slutty black dominatrix outfit, the thigh high black patent leather boots….Oh sorry I got sidtracked for a minute.
B. You just wanted some touch from an older lady. Which I can totally understand. Everybody knows that older women are better lovers. (Refer to exibit A of this section for proof)
But….if the cougar is wearing jorts, no makeup and is not doing anything with her hair, then she isn’t into you. Sorry. If you’re yearning for some hot cougar stuff, contact UC & Moon- they have my info. Seriously. Everyone, even strangers, tells me I look like Liz Taylor in that movie Cougar On A Hot Tin Roof…no sorry that was Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. Imagine Liz in all the stuff I mentioned in section A…………..Again, Moon & UC have my contact info.
C. Kristen, please call Rob. He’s reaching out in the most pathetic way.
D. Surely you would have already fired an agent that is that stupid.
E. I refer you back to B of the reaction section. Again, Moon & UC have my contact info.

After sorting all of this out in my mind, I decided that the Paps really were being mean to you. I can’t tell you how impressed I am that you took a stand. (We’re all about taking stands in Texas, you know with the Alamo and all.) You kept your composure and behaved like a gentleman, (by the way Thanks Mom Pattinson for rearing such a fine young man.) Even when that lame woman leaned in your car window and offered you no help whatsoever, you were still nice to her. Even when the cops didn’t do anything to help you, you were still nice.

You can call me Claudia

Here’s what I think, from now on before you go out again, call your sisters and ask them if you can borrow some of those clothes that they used to dress you up as a girl. Borrow that Bella wig from Kristen and carry the Dadcase, no scratch the Dadcase, too obvious- get yourself a 1988 Ford LTD to drive around town, and don’t forget to borrow that bra from the set of Remember Me that didn’t work as a vanity patch. You’re gonna need to stuff it and make you some boobs. That way no one will recognize you except for me, and I love my man in drag. Of course it may be a little bit embarrassing arriving to a party dressed that way, but I think after the last Paparazzi invasion, people will understand.

LOL and YeeHaw!
Your lonely sex kitten…..no.
Your everlasting older woman lover….no
Debbie does Dallas….closer
Let’s just go with P&M Mamma

Check out the picture of Stephanie & Robt from RPLife which has one of those hard-coded titles from the company that owns the rights- and it is titled “Rob Pattinson & his Mom” Poor Stephanie!!

After the jump, a Saturday Delight! Continue…

53 Commented

Dancin’ in the street with the Paparazzi and respecting Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

Paparazzi videos usually don’t make me sad but that one definitely did. I don’t know if it’s your sad panda face when you stop the car for the billionth time, the way the engine wheezed thudded to life making it sound like your morning smokers hack or the fact that it’s Sunday night and tomorrow I have to go back to work, but whatever it is that video made me a little sad for you.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things you don’t have it rough at all and some lame dudes with cameras following you around is annoying and a bit of a safety hazard at best. I have to remember you get paid a LOT of money and this is one of those unfortunate side effects that comes with being stupidly rich and famous and good looking.

BUT I do admire your chutzpa in stopping the car and trying to wait them out. Though you know they’ll take pictures and ask you stupid stuff about the loquat crumble recipe and call you “Edward” as long as you let them. So it was a flawed attempt at using logic on the paparazzi, they don’t work that way, sadly. Even when you tried to reason telling them they’d taken “millions of pictures” and that should be enough. It should Rob, it should! But why do they want more? Are they waiting for Kristen to meet you in the parking lot of a fireplace store? Or are they hoping to catch you and John Stamos hanging out at Bob Saget’s house again?  It makes me wonder how long you stood out there, in the middle of the street waiting for them to leave you alone, then talking to cops and then most bizarrely talking to that girl about the cars or the Kardashians? I couldn’t tell. Whatever it is that was the most odd part of the evening.

But what can we do as fans? We’ve already been hit up by some emails saying that the respect Rob campaign should be started up again. What were we doing since the last supposed “bad” paparazzi run in that prompted the respect stuff? Disrespecting you? (Nice and slow, right Freya?) Ok, ok just on the occasional Friday when we drop some Rob Porn on the ladies. But really, should we be boycotting mags and their sites and telling people we’re “proud to be paparazzi free?” HALE NAH, cause we love us a good pap picture, without those we wouldn’t have the underwear shopping trip or the wrist holding pic or those blessed Nova pictures from last week? So where does that leave us?

Prompted by your own mid-street stand-in I propose as a way of showing our respect that all Rob fans walk into the middle of the street tomorrow at noon for a moment of silence and sad panda faces in remembrance of your weekend paparazzi show down. Now if we happen to obstruct traffic, or ask your coworker to follow you into the street with a point-and-shoot digital camera to reenact the moment or repeatedly get into your busted Kia Sephia and crank the engine than that’s just bonus points. Super fans will go the extra mile to show how much they respect your street side showdown.

In an effort to make this not such a sad video can someone please remix this and add the song “Dancing in the Street” by Martha and the Vandellas so that our new Respect Rob movement will have a theme song and now every time a Rob fan is out drunk Karaoke-ing and this song comes on we all have a moment of silence to let the paparazzi know we will NOT stand for this any long. But we WILL stand in the street!

Now it’s time to start taking photos of ourselves in the middle of the street so we can post them here to show how much we’re REAL Rob fans.

You agree I assume, right Rob? You’ll join us next time Dancin’ in the Street comes on the oldies station in the Nova?

Themoonisdown

Thoughts on the video? Does it make you a little sad and distressed to see Rob out of sorts and annoyed by the paparazzi? Cause it does for me. Who’s going to do a street stand in to show their respect and Rob? Make sure you send us a picture! 😉

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207 Commented

MTV Movie Awards – My blinking heart crotch beats only for Rob

(Welcome to our new digs!! This is LTR, have a look around and update your bookmarks!)

Dear Rob,

The MTV movie awards started off with such promise…

This happened…

You and Taylor kicking ass in a fake movie with a BLONDE handlebar mustache!

MTV could have just stopped the show after this, really how could it have gone up from here? MTV blew their wad in the first 5 seconds… Time to get some TV Viagra MTV, so you can last for the WHOLE 93254902348 hours this show drags on.

Didn’t see it live?

Also kudos to MTV for resurrecting a movie character over 2 years old as the main character for half the bits they played. Len Grossman?? Way to stay current folks! Who ever said you gous lost touch with pop culture? Speaking of, what about that Len Grossman (Tom Cruise) slash Jennifer Lopez performance, huh?! Another banner moment in irrelevancy for the night.

Follow the cut to see Rob win some awards, some other stuff happens and we have a GIVEAWAY!!
Continue…

311 Commented