Rob’s bodyguard, Dean, is cheating on him

Dear Dean the bodyguard,

We received a frantic* e-mail from Bea this morning that said:

Not only do I think of Twilight every time I pass an Olive Garden, but I go to look at pictures of Jennifer Aniston violating the Vatican dress code and recognize the bodyguard. “Hey, Dean’s in Rome!” And, sadly, that’s more interesting to me than Jen’s knees.

And how in the world does someone have time to be a bodyguard to both Rob AND J Aniston? Does this mean Rob is on a long vacation in a truly private vacation spot, and you were relieved for a few weeks? Did he hitch a ride up to the space station when Dragon went to deliver supplies to the space station recently? (<– Look at me. Hip on current news)

How does Jen compare to Rob? I bet the snacks are healthier. Does she really drink Smart Water that often? Are the fans crazier? Ever encounter a crazy fan trying to hit her with a fake Angelina leg? Does she even let you drink beer or eat anything over 425 calories?

Does Rob ask details after you’re back serving him? Do you call it “serving?” Do you feel comradery with Carson the Butler on Downton Abbey? Do you ever accidentally refer to it as “servicing him” when talking to Kristen & she shoots you a dirty look while you & Rob crack up? Was Rob happy with the ending on Friends? Was he rooting for Ross & Rachel all along? How pissed was he when they named their TV daughter Emma, taking a gorgeous old-fashioned name & guaranteeing that everyone born after 1998 will have at least 57 Emma’s in their graduating class?

These are important questions, Dean.

Inappropriate!

Love,

UnintendedChoice

*Bea wasn’t frantic at all. But clearly I am. Or I had too much coffee. Or I just really miss Friends. That’s it. I’m starting at Season 1 tonight & will watch all 10 years all over. I’ll let you know how it goes. SEVEN

19 Commented

It’s been 3 years of Letters to Rob. Hip Hip Hooray.

Dear Rob,

To celebrate our THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY yesterday, Moon & I did what we do best: Broke down YOU and the past 3 years, Vanity Fair Style:

To Rob’s Ex Girlfriend: Beat ya

Moon: so we’ve been in a relationship with Rob longer than anyone…sorry kstew! better luck next time…3 whole years.

UC: SERIOUSLY… i love that. I think we even beat that girl from this letter: To Rob’s Ex-girlfriend: I hate you a lot but also want to be your friend! Oh man.. that’s still one of my favs. So is the one where I told Clare Pattinson, who I would see 2 years later, eating an egg roll at a movie premiere after-party, “I want to bang your son”
Moon:OMG can you imagune saying some of that stuff to them?!

Big surprise- my FAVORITE pic of Rob!

UC: “Hey Dick! (Oh, by the way, can I call you, Dick?) Hey Clare! Having fun at the party? These Egg Rolls are delicious, right? Hey- can I bang your son? See you on the dance floor, Dick!”
Moon: It’s been 3 yrs of his weird hair cuts and even weirder outfits and even weirder behavior
UC: Amen. SO weird at times! And so has OUR behavior!

The Perfect Rob

Moon: Ok so if you could have a PERFECT Rob what would it consist of:
UC: Okay…. Him in tight fitted clothing – a la GQ business Suit Rob. He doesn’t always have to be business time, but I like that better than hobo-Rob
UC: Or maybe Rob doing that mumbling music thing
Moon: My perfect Rob is: air guitar Rob, brit pack Rob with all his friends, musician Rob singing “never think” and “let me sign”
UC: Man.. do I sense a theme? IS Moon into musicians?
Moon: IMAGINE THAT ME INTO MUSICIANS!!! SHOCK! Plus… all of Rob’s sunglasses

UC: YES… he does have the best.
Moon: Rob who loves his parents A LOT… every time he’s mentioned them on a late night chat show
UC: Yes! Rob feeling comfortable enough to be being dorky but FUNNY. Not the Rob on stage with Reese making horrible jokes!
Moon: I like that he’s not afraid to be himself (aka weird & odd) and telling super awkward weird stories in public
UC: Yes.. back before he had to worry about everything he said
Moon: yea the Twilight and even New Moon press tour is like a treasure trove of Rob-oddities.

Real or not Real?

Rob Pattinson: Keepin' it real since '08

Moon: I feel like Rob would just slip right into my group of friends- I think thats why I like Rob the most. he seems REAL. And THATS why i get why people like him.. not just the looks
UC: Yes….. He IS real. Even more than.. Ryan Gosling… who just seems too perfect to be true… I’m not saying I’m choosing Rob over Ryan. no no no… don’t quote me on that.. I’m just saying.. Rob is different
Moon: yea Ryan seems way too good to be true. Rob seems like the cute guy in class who you might actually talk to if you got paired up on an assignment. Ryan is like the hot english teacher where its NEVER a possibility
UC: but you will think about it EVERY NIGHT while you drift off to sleep (i never do that)
Moon: HAHAHA Ryan or Rob? Or BOTH?? As a hot english teacher?
UC: both duh! (but i mean Ryan)
Moon: HAHA! Isn’t it funny we blog about Rob but we don’t even think about him like that a lot??? Maybe he became TOO real to us
UC: Yeah… that’s interesting. I haven’t thought about that in awhile or ever
Moon: OMG Rob BECAME OUR JACOB!!!
UC: OMG
Moon: the end
UC: Don’t tell Clare!

Did you, Rob? Become OUR Jacob? After 3 years of blogging almost daily (well we did for 2 years!), seeing you multiple times, fawning over, dreaming of, giggling over, laughing at & with, getting frustrated over, feeling confused by, missing you, wanting you, wanting you to shave, wanting more, and then less…. have you really just become that guy who is a GREAT package and most would KILL to have around… but… is just the FRIEND? Have we lost the magicness? The pull? The romance? Is there any fantasy left?

I don’t know. And, frankly, I don’t care. LTR was never really about you. I mean, it WAS of course. It started all about you- about your good looks, awkward ways & all around awesomeness. Whatever that THING was that attracted us & so many others on a level than WAS different than the ones who came before. Most everyone we know who has ended up at LTR has obsessed in a way they never had before- devouring interviews, saving images (some needed second & third harddrives), learning your quotes & your lyrics and following your every move. So many of us were doing it that at the same time that it HAD to be normal, right? RIGHT? (Don’t answer that) But eventually the obsession morphed into something more- something… beyond you. And here we are, 3 years (and 1 day) later, celebrating that LTR has become a community- a community first bonded by a mutual acute fondness of YOU, but turned into something much more meaningful & important.

So thank you Rob. Thanks for being so freakin’ hot. Thanks for being so adorkable. Thanks for being different than any guy we’ve obsessed over before (like JT for Moon and JTT for me) so that we felt the need to start LTR and meet everyone who has made such a difference in our lives.

Love more than Kstew, the ex girlfriend, Dick, Clare, The Britpack and Bear combined,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

Three years! We can’t believe it. Thanks to @Brookelockart for organizing our amazing anniversary letter yesterday and for all the friends who participated & commented!  We’ll never be able to express how much you all mean to us! Please be sure to see what @JodieO and the girls of the Forum did for us, too! Happy Anniversary LTT. And Moon, well, you know everything already… but thank you. For it all xoxoxoxo

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

13 Commented

Open Weekend Post: SEVEN Saturday Morning Delights

Dear Rob,

Who needs morning coffee when we have a Playlist of the 7 part 100% Robert Pattinson series from expert Vid maker Pettibiel? Not me!  (Side note, Mr. Choice came in from work as I was testing this letter & apparently I was too entranced with you & forgot to acknowledge him (not the first time) and he said, “Are you going to say hello to me? Or just listen to Evanescence all night? Good thing he didn’t know I was looking at a picture of you with your shirt off, set to Evanescence, 7 times. SEVEN!)

Wake up this weekend & start the video & play through all 7, or choose from the other HOT vids in the playlist!!!

SEVEN!!!!

And just because it’s probably now in your head here is the video clip we LOVE to talk about. (yes, this is a ghetto hand-held video recording I found online.. PEOPLE NEED TO LET ME EMBED GOOD VIDEOS! UGH!)

Happy weekending- SEVEN!

UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

55 Commented

Open Weekend Post Hosted by: TomStu and Taylor Lautner

Dear Rob,

Can you believe these two? Are they trying to make you jealous? Taylor and Tom doing a photoshoot together at the movies eating popcorn.  It’s like Tom knew just how to get to your heart. You two at the movies is like your standard Saturday afternoon bro date and now he’s picking up Taylor for a matinee instead of you?! If they’d had a 6pack of beer (you sneak it in) instead of the popcorn this would mean war. Thank God Taylor is underage so they have to settle for the family friends snacks but you better be careful. Taylor is a likable guy and if Tom starts hanging around Taylor house you may be seeing pictures of them at Olive Garden for the lunch special and then you’re really in trouble. How can you compete with Taylor’s Dad and his passion for sharing his love of chain restaurant Italian food?

You better watch your back and fly Dick over ASAP so you can go vintage car shopping and have him impart some of his special wisdom on Tom. This is your only chance!

Keep the bromance alive!
Themoonisdown

Happy Saturday! I’m currently flying all the way back to Los Angeles from Kenya! See you all soon!!! UC – I’m coming home!! You’re no longer a single blogger! xo, moon

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

24 Commented

Robert Pattinson gets stuck in an attic during the summer and then rolls with the Homies!

Dear Rob,

As we all know you can flip our moods on a dime. Case in point today I saw the promo image for a short you’re in called “Summer House” and I was GA-ROSSED out… to the max.

Nice mullet man. SERIOUSLY the little flippy bits in the back and then the fact that it looks like you’ve been trapped in a hot attic all day during the summer sweating your ass off until this poor girl found you when she went looking for elbow length gloves in grandma’s old trunk and found you trapped up there instead. Don Juan de Gross-o stuck up there with your shirt half unbuttoned, your business in the front and party in the back and then what I can only imagine is the worst BO of all time. ALL TIME. She’s obviously trying not to inhale because you’re so close to her olfactory senses. She’s just trying to stand still so you’ll think she’s an oasis in your heat stroked brain and you won’t stain her prom dress with your sweaty hands. This is clearly what The Summer House is about. Clearly.  If that doesn’t sell you on seeing The Summer House, I don’t know what will. Their production team should definitely hire me to do the PR for this movie.

The crazy thing is after I was super grossed out by Don Juan de Gross-o I saw pictures of you and TomStu rolling around LA in a Chevy Nova like freaking rockstars. Only it’s so hilarious because you’re two sorta fey, bumbling brits (probably) awkwardly driving an American Muscle car into an In N Out drive through. CLASSIC RobStu shiz right there. You two should have a reality show. The underwears shopping, the clothing swapping, intense debates about the merits of the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels (ok, I’m imaging this happening) and now THIS. Please someone at E! give these kids a camera crew and some air time. We NEED this in our lives NOT the Kardashians or those dumb sluts who broke into Celebrities homes.

Obviously, you know the way to my heart.You know I was super creeped out by the Summer House image so you swiped a classic car cause you know how I’m in the market for one and then drove around till you found a paparazzo in a parking lot of an In N Out. Then in my mind you ordered grilled cheese, animal style with a diet Coke and then you put “Rollin’ with my homies” on blast in the Nova tape deck (cause it’s so obviously a tape deck) and pumped that shiz as you drove reeeeeal slow down Sunset.

And you waited cause you knew even with no consistent internet connection till tomorrow that I would see these and forgive you for the Summer House image. And I do…on one condition. Drive that Nova to my neighborhood and flip the hydraulic switches so we can really get this party started.

Rollin’ with the homies! *does the hand motion*
Themoonisdown

PS I should be back to 24/7 internet connection today. FINALLY! So I’ll be back to commenting and hanging around.
PPS We’re looking for new letter submissions so email your letters to Rob and Twilight to us!

How can Rob be simultaneously repulsive AND awesome at the same time? I can’t wrap my mind around whatever power he has that makes this possible. What would the RobStu reality show be called? Where else did they go on their fantastic voyage?

Follow the cut for the theme song to the RobStu reality show Continue…

120 Commented