Juliette Binoche teaches us about Rob and Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

You know when you don’t go out and do things, I’m forced to read the gossip rags, scouring for dirt and then make stuff up about you, right? Yea, so come out and play. And I don’t mean walk to and fro on set. Come out and play so UC and I can make up other things that are not true about you… but fun none the less.

Today’s tidbit comes from Juliette Binoche, your costar in Cosmopolis but I know her as Vianne from Chocolat aka the lady who got to do Johnny Depp right before he became a big deal again. Here’s what she said

For David Cronenberg’s new movie ?
J.B: Yes, it is called “Cosmopolis”. I play an art dealer who has an affair with Robert Pattinson. He, plays a billionaire who loses everything.

Robert Pattinson evolves in a sphere that seems far away from yours…
J.B: I don’t have a point of view about his career, I didn’t see the “Twilight” movies. We had dinner together on set. He is an incredible cinema buff who for several years saw two to three movies a day. He is a fan of “Les amants du Pont Neuf” (The Pont Neuf lovers). He was funny, you would have thought he was a little child.

Ok, you might call Rob a child after having made out w/ this guy

First off Juliette Binoche called you a child, that’s gotta sting a little bit right? It also worries me that maybe that nervous giggly thing is for real and that it would get real awkward when we’re (someday) making out and you giggle like that cause I’d think you were 10 and that’s gross.

You have an “affair” with Juliette Binoche… DUDE is that kind of like having an affair with your mom’s Bunko friend? I’d also like to point out that by reading that your character is a billionaire who loses everything, I’ve learned more about the movie than I ever knew before. In what I read your character spends the movie in a limo making deals and trying to get to a hair cut appointment while stuck in traffic. And while that just sounds weird, I was all in Rob so no one can say I’m not committed. After reading this maybe Cosmopolis is about a billionaire who loses everything in a limo on his way to get his hairs did? Only time will tell.

Another thing… JB (as I call her now cause I can’t be bothered to spell out her whole name) said you went through a phase in your life where you watched 2-3 movies a day… she may call this being a “cinema buff” but I call this “unemployed.” I had a friend who did the exact same thing, only this was before Netflix was invented and he vowed to watch a 100 movies in a month because Blockbuster was offering an “all you can rent for 20 bucks” option. Needless to say he may have dropped out of school but he now considers Harold and Maude one of his favorite movies of all time and he has a notebook of hundreds of movie reviews he wrote. So this pretty much means you are my friend named Chad from about 5 years ago. You and Chad are probably also why Blockbuster went out of business. GOOD JOB!

What else will we learn or make up about you and Cosmopolis? Only time will tell my friend. And only you have the power to change that… so go out and do something instead of hanging out on balconies talking about moles with Sam Bradley. THANKS!

Now I want some chocolate, you. Johnny Depp, a limo and a movie from Blockbuster.

Au Revoir!
Themoonisdown

Why did JB call Rob a child? Weird or translation issue? Has anyone else watched 2-3 movies a day? Were you fun-employed?

Source: Robsessed and LaProvenceFR

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Robert is #5 on the freebie f@!K list! Only number 5…

You're gonna need a cigarette after these ladies are done with you

Dear Rob,

We’ve talked about ‘the freebie list’ a lot around here. You know the list that couples have of people they could sleep with and it’d be ok because that person is on the list? Well Some site polled a bunch of bored ladies at home and work and the results are in. You’re… (drum roll please)… number 5 (crickets). Yea, looks like you’re not everyone’s cup of tea but you did beat out the Fresh Prince AND Ashton Kutcher. By a measly 3% but I choose to believe these ladies were either high on toliet bowl cleaner fumes or entertaining their inner Demi. I mean Ashton Kutcher? You should have beat him by like 100’s of percentage points. He made the trucker hat infamous.

1. Brad Pitt – 69% – I guess ladies like to think of hot, humanitarian, father of 234929347234, meet Joe Black, Brad Pitt and not Benjamin Buttons baby Brad Pitt. To each his own I guess.

2. Johnny Depp – 67% – Well DUH. Who doesn’t like pirates with questionable personal hygiene?

3. Gerard Butler – 66% – Have you SEEN that picture of Gerard giving Jennifer Aniston “the shocker” from the Bounty Hunter premiere? I think you ladies might want to rethink this one since Gerard seems to be into the no go zone.

4. David Beckham – 63% – As long as he didn’t speak.

5. Robert Pattinson – 61% – As long as he brought Tom Stu along…

6. Ashton Kutcher – 58% – For reals?

7. George Clooney – 57% – How the HALE isn’t he number 1? Or number everything?

8. Justin Timberlake – 54% – All my wildest high school fantasies come true with JT

9. Will Smith – 52% – I’d be too worried about Tom Cruise showing up “unannounced” for a little personal one on one “e-meter reading” to follow through with this one.

10. Hugh Jackman – 51% – More Wolverine less Boy from Oz.

Even the CLOONSTER didn't beat me?

When you can compete with the likes of REAL men like the Clooney, the Pitt (ew, the pitt?) and The Depp  you know you’ve arrived. Or maybe you know that your PR team is on their shit. Or maybe you just know that Stephanie Ritz’s assistant was ordered to vote 23942390472354 times or until their laptop exploded to get you to number one all by themselves. Since you landed at #5, clearly the assistant was fired. Should have bribed the Robsteners with an “exclusive photo” (read: Rob and Kristen in their Bella and Edward costumes with a fireplace in the background.) to insure that Rob won. Amateur.

Next time Rob, next time! Like they say… Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. REAL stars. Heh.

Themoonisdown
Where’s Rob on your freebie list? Who’s ON your freebie list? Ashton Kutcher? 😉

Read it over at Robert Pattinson Life but can’t find a permalink to the original post

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