Breaking It Down: While I was gone Robsten came out, he wore plaid and we were NOT surprised
I’ve been away from you for over two weeks and I know you’ve undoubtedly cried yourself to sleep every night, drowned your sorrows in a few cases of beer and even flown to Montreal thinking I said I would be in Canada and not Africa. Oops tiny mistake on your part. But alas I’m back and I’ve missed SOOO much but UC and the crew here have kindly filled me in but as luck would have it I made it home just in time to Break Down THE PICTURE from what is now being dubbed Moantreal. Yea, you’re up there kissing on ol Stew. Some welcome back. THANKS A LOT.
The one where they just won’t let us forget
UC: okay well, should we DO this!?
Moon: YES lets DO THIS… so what the HALE has been happening since I’ve been gone. I’m mildly interested.
UC: ha…i’m barely interested…well,i feel like i need to research to remember what happened last week and since it’s SO timely i feel like we need to just discuss the biggest news since Taylor found out he resembles an Alpaca….The Robsten kiss outside of a Montreal House party
Moon: oh god im already sad… outside a house party?! they really are forever 17
UC: otherwise known as……. “I always open mouth kiss my lover before heading into a party- oh wait look there’s a photographer oops i hope they didn’t catch me!” Otherwise known as… They knew the photographer was there.
Moon: otherwise known as everyone was starting to forget about robsten/twilight/new moon/eclipse/throwing money down the toilet and making summit rich, LOOK THERES A CAMERA!!
UC: and.. Moon this is the best part you can see TOM STU standing there. THEY MADE OUT in front of TOM STU!!!
Moon: They ARE stuck in high school! this is what happens parents when you let your children be actors too soon. they miss out on formative things like making out in front of a house party in high school and now theyre forced to do it while the world is watching
UC: Now let’s clarify lest the Robsteners call us those who think Robsten is a PR-ploy…. I do NOT think that. I do however 100% think they knew there was a camera there. NO ONE OPEN MOUTH KISSES before going in a party.. and in front of Tom stu… unless you’re over it and want to be caught
UC: so.. good for them… they’re OUT. and I don’t know about you…. but I felt the magicness emanating from their open mouth kiss
Moon: i still have not seen the open mouth party kiss. should i open it now?
UC: oh you haven’t seen!? omg this will be epic yes. please Open…. if i Had time I’d make you a video… with the pictures and the hallelujah chorus playing but… that would take me 3 minutes and i really don’t have 3 minutes to give to robsten from here on out known as “open-mouth-kissing-sten”
The one where I finally see IT
Moon: wait what are all those dots?! did some crazy robstener pop out from a bush nearby with confetti and threw it into the air when they started kissing?
UC: yes, that’s exactly what I did. i Mean what they did
Moon: then a disco ball fell from the ceiling, a publishers clearing house person walked out with a big check and kool and gang played Celebration?
UC: And it started snowing. IN august that’s what the magicness does changes the seasons
Moon: THATS the power of robsten
UC: effs with Mother Nature
Moon: and their magicness… they ARE mother nature
Moon: wow this is was underwhelming
UC: hahhaa sorry- did I build it up too much?i mean.. .can you actually tell that there is liplocking? or are they just holding each other close? teaching tomStu how to do it- there’s a girl inside he’s hoping to get stuck in the closet with for 7 min. in heaven
Moon: its just not what i imagined… but i guess real life kissing cant compare to the fireplace and the bearskin rug in my fantasies, i mean the lemony fan fic i write, i mean the delusions in my brain
follow the cut as we figure out if they’re kissing or not, what kind of camera the paparazzi were using and what fabric is only allowed to touch Rob’s skin
UC: Cuz if there isnt’ actual liplocking, then the drama will continue- nonsteners will continue to say there is no concrete proof- they were just telling secrets about the owner of the house he’s the one who bought Johnny the beer to throw this house party
Moon: i mean i dont SEE a licklock but i also cant see through the freak partial blizzard the robstener on duty that night caught on a disposable camera
Moon: she obviously forgot her robsten government issued telephoto lens and studio light kit set up… but I guess its hard to fit it all in that windowless van they give out at the conversion ceremony… (line for the haters starts BEHIND the in n out drive through window. THANKS!)
UC: I mean truly- I just looked at the 10×20′ canvas I had made already- i mean i just blew up the picture on my screen and there is NOT lip locking.. it’s like.. pre-or post lip lock… I wonder if it’s truly dandruff from under Rob’s hat
The one where I’m back
Moon: so from this angle can we actually see the inception of the holy child?
UC: well, I think we JUST missed the inception…as it’s clear she’s wearing post coital clothes
Rob’s clothes to a house party that’s what I generally do. After Mr. Choice & I get it on, I just pull on his dirty sweats and roll out to a party
Moon: obvi nothing says we just made sweaty fireplace love like some nasty ass pants with a hole in the crotch
UC: hahahahah there it is Africa didn’t take away Moon!
Moon: nope i still have distain and mild interest in all things robsten
UC: so you missed Rob going to Montreal…. to visit Kristen. who is filming on the road and Tom Stu is in rthe movie, obviously (this is a fact- he is)
Moon: OHHH he is?! so that explains that more i was about to say she really IS a beard if he came along for the party
UC: WAIT for it
UC: Before these pictures came out….. a brilliant Robstener that I think we’ll have to be-friend, coined Montreal….. MOANTREAL which after seeing these pictures, is just even more brilliant
Moon: this picture (to the left) is pretty fatherly… like “good work on that spelling test son *pat on the back* lets go buy you some new pants for the job well done”
The one where we’re not surprised
Moon: WOAH wait a second… BREAKING NEWS!!! is this…. a NEW SHIRT?!
UC: whoa.. you’re looking at pics I’ve barely seen! yes i think so… Teen Choice awards. Iwas going to make you guess what he wore plaid or not
Moon: DUH his skin can touch no other pattern but plaid
UC: one of these days he’s gonna go for paisley and I’m gonna die
The one where Rob is jealous of us
UC: okay one other thing to discuss that you missed b/c it’s pretty big
Moon: HAHAHAHAAHA this shirt i want a matching one: “get off my va-gine”
UC: Get In mine
Moon: I need this shirt for when we write something that freaks everyone out. I’ll just point at it when people comment.
Moon: does he wear this for tomstu or kristen?
UC: I was kinda grossed out…. actually… i mean… seriously? I get it. The paps SUCK BAD
but dude…. that just makes him seem like a 21 year old d-bag I’m pretty sure the Jersey shore guys have that shirt
Moon: HAHAHA makes me laugh. pretty sure thats a gift from the stew. she made that on her weekend off at the tshirt making place at the shore
UC: with Pauly D And Vinny. Who I kinda have a crush on. Don’t judge. you were gone for 2 weeks.. I had no one to talk to… I started watching Jersey Shore and Vinny is sorta a Guido hipster.. so I fell. sorta
Moon: i love/hate that show
UC: me too
Moon: yes vinny is defs the best followed by pauly d
UC: Snooki got arrested while you were gone
Moon: in real life?!
Moon: ugh roomies did NOT dvr. BITCHES
UC: it’s on demand. But seriously…. I was saying that shirt was because of al lthe attention Papa Pattz has been getting Rob lovingly calling him “My Dick” and he’s just telling people (including us *sniff*) to back away from his dad
Moon: rob is mad that we’ve commandeered his dad for our own he’s seen the framed pics in the pattinson home of us and dick
UC: and our shirts- Pattinson Family Vacation and I Love Dick he thinks we went away with his mom & sisters.. and didn’t invite him emails have slowed from dick.. and he thinks he’s figured out why
he’s emailing us instead
Moon: obvi. i need emails about handshakes and kissing hands and how a ladies skirt should hit at or below the knee to be considered demure
UC: i wonder what he thinks about dirty, holey sweatpants
So a lot of stuff happened… and most of it was Rob related…. or rather the stuff we care about was Rob-related. We’ll just agree that this is a phase you’re going through: bad tshirts, jealously over your father and girls in your pants and hope that you’ll grow out of this in a few months and go through a Mad Men phase where you never leave the house without looking like Don Draper. I’m praying for that phase… praying.
Moon is back, ALRIGHT!!!
So I’m sure you’ve dissected these till the cows came home yesterday but who cares?! What’s your final conclusion? Can we just keep ignoring the mullephant in the room? Did your Robsten/Nonsten kit come with a disposable camera? Is there a flash?
Tags: , canada, confirm, Dick, house party, Jersey Shore, Katy Perry, kissing, Kristen Stewart, mom and dad, montreal, Nonsten, Pattinson family, Plaid shirt, Rob, robert pattinson, Robsten, shirt, Teen Choice Awards, tom sturridge
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