Breaking it down text style: The kiss, VJ day, miracles and Water for Elephants

Just priming the lips......

Dear Rob,

Since you decided to up and out yourself yesterday while UC was away from her computer (the blog elves let her out for a weekend!) and away from gchat we were forced to break down this momentous glorious splendiferous news via text. So I present to you in cooperation with AT&T and iPhone the first ever Breaking it down texting style… (cheers from the crowd)…
.

Moon: Well that happened. Let me know when you wanna break it down…

UC: What? What happened? ROBSTEN sex tape ? (Please love that my phone knows to automatically put ROBSTEN in caps)

Moon: I like that your mind goes immediately to a Robsten sex tape and not like we found Osama Bin Laden or maybe I have a boyfriend or something of actual consequence!

UC: So, you’re saying it’s not?

Moon: it’s a kiss picture! A very obvious let’s kiss they’re all looking picture. Prepare yourself for the meltdown

UC: Send me pics!!

UC: Robsten is pr. ROBSTEN is promoting wfe!!!

Moon: Crazy nonstener!!!! Their love is not a product of the man or a movie studio! How dare you!

UC: Has anyone committed suicide yet? Attempts on K’s life?

Moon: Hahahah No, thank god! Theres a lot of “duh, told you so,” “happy for HIM” and general epic love-ness going around.

UC: Has half of robs fan base given up on him?

UC: this news means my life is complete. I believe in love. I want to rush home & make a baby

Robsten makes people do stuff like this

Moon: If anything this whole thing has made me believe in love again too. I’m on my way out to find a man and kiss him in the streets like it’s VJ day. This is our generation’s VJ day!

UC: Do you know any Lionel Richie lyrics by heart?

Moon: My endless looooove!!

UC: Upon viewing… my heart skipped a beat. I mean it’s kissing. No one else does it like that. No one.

Moon: Never in the history of the world have two people pecked in the back of a cab like that.

Moon: I wonder if anyone was spontaneously healed after viewing these pictures.

Moon: Did any wheel chair ridden robsten fans stand up and walk? Did a blind cat see again?

UC: Did a barren woman suddenly become pregnant with twins?

Moon: One named rob the other named Kristen?

Yes, this happened

UC: Did pigs put on little dresses and fly overhead?

UC: Did divorce cease to exist?

UC: Did all women become the perfect size 2?

UC: Did every restaurant taste as good as calypso cafe- where I’m currently sitting in Nashville?

Moon: Did every day become a weekend? Is April 17 now considered a national holiday?

UC: Yes. We need to contact hallmark to get them to make cards

Moon: I can’t believe the post office and banks are still open. This is a BIG deal. Where is Obama!??

Someone cue "Robsten the Beautiful"

UC: He’s preparing a moment of silence for the country. The white house has had a strict no speaking policy all morning

Moon: I bet even Libya is calling a cease fire in honor of this event

UC: World hunger ceased and everyone’s stomachs were filled with food.

Moon: Water turned into (boxed) wine again. And there was much rejoicing

UC: Our country’s anthem has now changed to “God bless ROBSTEN” and “Robsten the beautiful.”

Ladies you can't be mad at this face for long!!

Moon: I wonder if the Vatican called a special session to discuss saint hood for the holy couple and any future offspring?

While sadly none of these things did happen after the kiss heard round the internets we both had a smile on our faces and love in our hearts so that’s what matters. And you know what else REALLY matters? You’re in a movie coming out this Friday called Water for Elephants! Amazing!

Happy VJ Day!
Themoonisdown

Was anyone miraculously healed after this event? Does anyone still care enough to be surprised? Did anyone look at the slow mo gif of the kiss and thing “is that really a kiss??” Maybe.

Salacious photos courtesy of Popsugar

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Breaking It Down: While I was gone Robsten came out, he wore plaid and we were NOT surprised

Dear Rob-

I’ve been away from you for over two weeks and I know you’ve undoubtedly cried yourself to sleep every night, drowned your sorrows in a few cases of beer and even flown to Montreal thinking I said I would be in Canada and not Africa. Oops tiny mistake on your part. But alas I’m back and I’ve missed SOOO much but UC and the crew here have kindly filled me in but as luck would have it I made it home just in time to Break Down THE PICTURE from what is now being dubbed Moantreal. Yea, you’re up there kissing on ol Stew. Some welcome back. THANKS A LOT.

The one where they just won’t let us forget
UC: okay well, should we DO this!?
Moon: YES lets DO THIS… so what the HALE has been happening since I’ve been gone. I’m mildly interested.
UC: ha…i’m barely interested…well,i feel like i need to research to remember what happened last week and since it’s SO timely i feel like we need to just discuss the biggest news since Taylor found out he resembles an Alpaca….The Robsten kiss outside of a Montreal House party
Moon: oh god im already sad… outside a house party?! they really are forever 17
UC: otherwise known as……. “I always open mouth kiss my lover before heading into a party- oh wait look there’s a photographer oops i hope they didn’t catch me!” Otherwise known as… They knew the photographer was there.
Moon: otherwise known as everyone was starting to forget about robsten/twilight/new moon/eclipse/throwing money down the toilet and making summit rich, LOOK THERES A CAMERA!!
UC: and.. Moon this is the best part you can see TOM STU standing there. THEY MADE OUT in front of TOM STU!!!
Moon: They ARE stuck in high school! this is what happens parents when you let your children be actors too soon. they miss out on formative things like making out in front of a house party in high school and now theyre forced to do it while the world is watching
c

UC: Now let’s clarify lest the Robsteners call us those who think Robsten is a PR-ploy…. I do NOT think that. I do however 100% think they knew there was a camera there. NO ONE OPEN MOUTH KISSES before going in a party.. and in front of Tom stu… unless you’re over it and want to be caught
UC: so.. good for them… they’re OUT. and I don’t know about you…. but I felt the magicness emanating from their open mouth kiss
Moon: i still have not seen the open mouth party kiss. should i open it now?
UC: oh you haven’t seen!? omg this will be epic yes. please Open…. if i Had time I’d make you a video… with the pictures and the hallelujah chorus playing but… that would take me 3 minutes and i really don’t have 3 minutes to give to robsten from here on out known as “open-mouth-kissing-sten”
c
c
The one where I finally see IT
Moon: wait what are all those dots?! did some crazy robstener pop out from a bush nearby with confetti and threw it into the air when they started kissing?
UC: yes, that’s exactly what I did. i Mean what they did
Moon: then a disco ball fell from the ceiling, a publishers clearing house person walked out with a big check and kool and gang played Celebration?
UC: And it started snowing. IN august that’s what the magicness does changes the seasons
Moon: THATS the power of robsten
UC: effs with Mother Nature
Moon: and their magicness… they ARE mother nature
Moon: wow this is was underwhelming
UC: hahhaa sorry- did I build it up too much?i mean.. .can you actually tell that there is liplocking? or are they just holding each other close? teaching tomStu how to do it- there’s a girl inside he’s hoping to get stuck in the closet with for 7 min. in heaven
Moon: its just not what i imagined… but i guess real life kissing cant compare to the fireplace and the bearskin rug in my fantasies, i mean the lemony fan fic i write, i mean the delusions in my brain

follow the cut as we figure out if they’re kissing or not, what kind of camera the paparazzi were using and what fabric is only allowed to touch Rob’s skin
Continue…

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