Breaking the Rules…

Dear Rob,

I’m breaking the rules & writing to you today, on the 5th anniversary of my marriage to Mr. Choice. He ran out to buy the 7th Harry Potter for our romantic evening in (don’t laugh) and first stopped to get a haircut. What he told me afterwards just HAS to be shared.

I asked how his hair looks as he tried a new salon. He said he loves it. The place was great. “Rick” (who is not gay) was really cool & offered him a beer when he walked in. He asked what he was looking for & Mr. Choice, who is unlike most men over 30 & has a FULL head of hair, asked what Rick thought. Rick said “World War II.” And that’s what he did. I asked Mr. Choice what in the world that meant- and he said,

I think my hair looks a lot like Paddleston’s hair in Water for Elephants

!!!!!! Oh REALLY??? He hasn’t come home yet, but I’m telling you Rob, Mr. Choice looking like you walking through the door would be the best anniversary surprise:


That’s all I got!


I’m off to NYC for my anniversary/birthday/wedding of roommate from college weekend! I’ll wave to you if you live close. MOON RETURNS THIS WEEKEND so we’ll be back to our regular ol’ blogging schedule soon! We have MUCH to break down!

In the meantime, have your guys said anything interesting about Rob lately?

I’ll let you know if Mr. Choice’s hair is really channeling Rob’s! XO

Update: IT WAS!

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44 Commented

A Day in the Life of Filming Water for Elephants

Rob- While Moon is hanging out with you & Kristen in England, I’m not posting on a regular basis (I know you already could tell). I’m using this break to catch up on my own life! I thought I’d use today to post a great letter I’ve been hanging on to from some LTR gals- revisiting Water for Elephants again!

Dear Rob,

We are overwhelmed with all of your interviews for WFE. It sounds like you had a wonderful experience filming Water for Elephants. As we listened, watched and read your interviews, we noticed that you gave us tons of information.

Using things that you spoke about in these sets of interviews, we’ve reconstructed what a typical day would have been like for you while you were filming WFE. We of course have some questions for you as well!

Rob's bedhead

(Disclaimers- we realize that the timeline is totally off and a day on the movie set begins much earlier usually. And we’ve included not much actual filming- we know that you work much harder than this! Truth- we’ve included some of the other more outrageous/fascinating things that you said in this general time period, just for fun and because we can. Or things that happened in the movie. This is fiction, people!!!!)

Here is our imaginary timeline for a day in your life filming WFE:

6:00 am: You wake up. (Rob, are you happy, grumpy, or befuddled in the morning? Adorably rumpled?) Have coffee and early morning cigarette. Pick up clothes off the floor and put them on. This includes 1930’s undahpahnts to help you get into character. Of course, now we want to see the undahpahnts.

7:00 am: You are now late because you’ve ‘messed about’ for 25 minutes. Can you please say ‘propensity and organize’ again? Did you realize that this made it to CNN? (at 0.52).
(Note: see the lyrics to The Beatles’ A Day in the Life, ‘Woke up….’- sounds familiar???)

7:30 am: You realize that your car’s dashboard is on fire, but you keep driving anyway.
Normal, right?

8:00 am: You stop at 7-Eleven to buy peppermints, jelly beans and apple juice. More on this later……

8:30 am: You arrive on set. During hair, makeup, and wardrobe, you play Words with Friends on your iPhone (Rob, I challenge you. I would so beat you at this, even if you use some of your favorite words, like ‘moist’ and ‘whence’- drsaka).

9:00 am: You face a fashion decision in wardrobe. Vintage tux for later or plaid suit……….

10:15 am: You realize that while playing WWF that you’ve deleted all your Twilight-related personal pictures from your phone. A bout of colorful, British-slang-tinged swearing ensues.

10:30 am: You hop on the Benzini train and watch over the set. Well, it takes you three hops to actually get on the train. How come they’re so far away from the ground? Hard, even when a train is standing still, no handy steps there. Talk with little people co-stars while trying to smuggle in a ciggie. Asking them how they hopped aboard, maybe it’s not an appropiate question, but you really, really want to know!

Apple juice rub down

11:00 am: Apple juice bath. You prepare to visit the baby giraffe and have him/her follow you around like you’re the Pied Piper.
(Trust us Rob, you don’t need that apple juice…)

12:00 pm: Lunch- You walk around the set with a bottle of Coca-Cola, making their marketing department very happy with this free publicity. You make look drinking Coke so good. But there’s no time to really relax, you have to run from the swarm of bees which is following you around now too. Apple juice and Coke, well…
However, the swarm might be from something else: ‘I don’t mind working with poop, at all. I have a natural propensity to work on big piles of poop. I’m very familiar with it. I don’t know why I wasn’t grossed out by it, at all. Because everything felt so authentic all the time, you just accept it, as part of the world. The scene where we were in that train car, there were like 10 billion flies. On any other movie, I think I’d be like, “Let’s just do one take!” But, I was perfectly happy to make a little mound and sit there and eat my lunch’. (Gross, Rob!!!).

Visit on set catering for your new favorite, Cobb Salad. You realize that this made it to CNN as well? Very important news!

1:00 pm: After showering off the apple juice, you go visit the animals again. The zebras pick up on your vibe that you’re a bit wary of them and they chase you. You decide Christoph Waltz makes a great human shield to protect you from the zebras. Your new mantra- ‘avoid zebras, if you see one in the street, run.’ Naughty zebras!!!!!

1:30 pm: Actual filming! You are about to shoot a steamy love scene with Reese, but suddenly you feel a cold coming on…Your nose starts running and with no choice left you keep wiping it on her wig. (Again, gross, Rob! You’re such a guy! Did you put frogs down girl’s shirts when you where little, too? Just admit it…) Super sexy!!!!

2:30 pm: You make fun of Reese ‘cause she is an OLD LADY’. Very, very, very bad idea. Because Reese has stories to tell about you and she will later take revenge in promo interviews declaring that ‘making out with Rob was gross because he had a cold.’ (and she did!!).

3:00 pm: You visit with the animals yet again (ignoring the zebras – except for one ‘evil’ glare at the leader of the pack – that’ll teach him) and bring them jelly beans, plus some peppermints for Tai. And like we suspected, even while not wearing apple juice the baby giraffe still follows you around like a puppy. You think you see Christoph waving at you and wave back as the polite British boy that you are. But Mr. Waltz was making another gesture…ahem…He didn’t forget the human shield thing yet and he has his eye on you. So yeah, bad idea!

3:30 pm: You don’t feel so well because of your cold and decide to take a quick nap in the barn, snuggling up to Tai. She’s one big, warm mountain of elephant. Beats a hot water bottle any day. You figure this is okay as you think Tai uses you as a ‘trunk rest’ and she stole your glass of wine and whapped you on the forehead with her trunk during a scene with Reese.

Everyone thinks Tai really likes you, but you have a secret– ‘I think I had a relationship with the elephant, but it was based purely on candy. I strategically placed mints. I’d suck a peppermint for a bit, and then stick it onto my body, under my armpits and covering my entire chest, and not tell anyone. So, every single time, the elephant would be constantly sniffing me and I’d be like, “I don’t know, she just really likes me’. Tai doesn’t tell and she eats the rest of the mints you brought her. Rob, we think that she really likes you.

4:30 pm: You feel like a new Rob after your nap with Tai and you put on your heavy duty boots and Steve McQueen replica jacket and run around the set and ride your bike while the baby giraffe tries to keep up with you. We really hope someone captured this on camera, DVD extras anyone???

5:00 pm: You switch your boots for sleeker footwear. It’s time to practice your dance moves with Reese. She seems to have forgiven you for the nose wiping and old lady stuff, but now you keep stepping on her toes. You ask the director if you can’t have a stunt double for the dance scenes, but he saw this and decided you may have some moves:

As Reese said, this is not ‘Dancing with the Stars’. However, you look great in your vintage tux!

6:00 pm: You drive home in a tiny car you borrowed of a guy who plays a clown in the movie. You have recovered from your traumatic-clown-and-tiny-clown-car-incident you experienced as a child. You can do this! Your elbows are sticking out of the rolled down windows and your knees are up to your ears, but you count your blessings; at least it’s not burning…You’re hungry after all that dancing and have a stop at In-N-Out burger. You have no idea why people seem to think the combo of you and the tiny car is funny.

7:00 pm: You practice your cello!!! You’re trying to master a few Van Morrison songs – while composing your own symphony of course. Stay tuned for the Cosmopolis soundtrack

8-11:00 pm: You lay about watching Disney’s Dumbo (research is everything) with your buddies while acting like monkeys and having a beer or three. Or maybe four. Nothing beats a cold like a nap with an elephant, an In-N-Out burger and some beers.

11:00 pm: After telling your friends they can’t crash on your couch for the fourth evening in a row, you finally have some alone time. You work a bit on your script about two best friends who both are actors, borrow each other’s clothes and make a road trip together. Or maybe on your script about a boy who makes a trip around the world with his pet elephant. You then change into your 30’s style onesie pajama’s. It’s time to start counting elephants, erm, sheep!!! Your last thought is that you hope you won’t have a nightmare starring evil zebras…

So, dear Rob, did we make the grade??? Did we tone it down? Was the reality of such days even crazier? What about those mean zebras? Do you actually own onesie pajama’s? We would have loved to witness a real day on set with you and your animal friends, but luckily we do have the movie to view. Thank you so much for making it!

You know that you turn us on, with or without apple juice,

drsaka and Cath
Thanks to robgirl86 for beta skills and great suggestions

So LTR ladies, what other wonderful details has Rob given us about filming WFE? What’s your favorite? Discuss!

coke ad found on google images from dreamysim1

See that In-N-Out burger picture? That’s from an old LTR post that I re-read and died over, all over again. Hilarious.

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74 Commented

News in Rob’s world

*update: this post seems frivolous in light of recent events. Thanks to our military and allies for working hard to help keep us ALL safer. Score one for the world!*

Dear LTR-ers,

Because Rob’s out and about whoring for Water for Elephants all over the world there’s lots to see from his red carpets to photo calls to interviews. Soooooo I’m going to sum up the interesting stuff here for us all so we don’t have to shift through page after page of video and 9238490234 photos of the same suit from press calls. You’re welcome!

Even if you don’t speak German the eyes and faces Rob makes while some man interprets IN GERMAN are worth this…
Most important thing I learned from this video:
Rob probably got up early and watched the Royal Wedding like the rest of us fools. Or maybe he’s just very romantical at heart.


Rob hasn’t met a wildly colorful suit or a weird eye brow raise he didn’t like

Mark Zuckerberg has officially changed the “LIKE” gif on Facebook from a blue thumbs up to this picture. We approve… or should I say we LIKE!!!! (rim shot!)

Robert Pattinson was chosen as the new spokesboy for Bump-Its! He’s super thrilled as you can see.

This lighting guy is totally pissed he missed the NFL draft because he had to make sure Bella and Edwards ocean make out was properly lit. Mother effer.
When Rob needs new clothes he goes online and google searches “cheap, ugly, inappropriate sweatshirts.” That’s how he got this, the “Get off my dick” shirt and pretty much everything else he owns. Dean also got this chicks number.

Hot DAAAYYUUUMM this boy can make a suit look goood.

Am I right? Am I right?! Who I am kidding we’ve known that since day one! Well… that’s pretty much all that matters from his time in Europe… did any of you happen to go out and see Rob at the premieres? If so why haven’t you written us?! RUDE 🙂

Happy Monday (ugh),

So seriously, did anyone make it out to a premiere? Was Rob as beautiful as an Arabian desert in that beige/brown suit? Did he profess his love to you in Barcelona/Berlin/Paris/etc etc??

Thanks Robsessed, RP Life and your emails!

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125 Commented

Rob is in between

RoblosophyDear Rob,

Before we go any further, I have to point out that I liked Water for Elephants. It’s not going on any “Best Of” lists. No one is going to win any Oscars for it, but I thought it was a great movie. I loved the book, and I thought the movie was a great representation. There were great moments for you, Rob. There were great moments for Reese. That doesn’t mean I thought it was perfect, but I enjoyed the movie. I probably won’t see it again, but that’s because I’m pretty broke. Plus I’d rather spend my free time watching ROBSTEN videos online (<– Click that unless you follow us on Twitter and experienced the joy of “UC Tweets Robsten videos while drinking vodka” last night)

That being said, I want to talk about how you, Rob, are not a boy, not yet a man. Yes, just like Britney Spears sang. Well, kinda.

You see, one of my favorite things about you as Jacob Jankowski was that the role really FIT you. In fact, afterward, Mr. Choice told me that he thought you did a great job because you were exactly like Jacob. An attractive guy, yes, but a little socially awkward & kinda dorky. (His proof was the photo below. He said he was pretty sure this was shot one day when you all were just goofing around ‘off-camera’ and someone caught it & decided to include it in the film)

I love my days off!

Jacob is those things- a bit awkward because he’s in an new social situation with all new people after his family has been ripped from him. Dorky because, well, he’s a 22 year old, almost Ivy-league graduated virgin. Three types of guys go to Ivy-league: Foreign royalty, Hot, Rich Douche-bags in secret societies who row crew & dorky smart guys who’ve never touched bare breasts. (Me Stereotype? Nooo) And you play that role well! Because, well, you’re kinda a social recluse with your books & artsy films. And we KNOW you and that supposed girlfriend of yours are saving “it” for marriage…… soooooooo…..

WANTED: Passion

But here’s where it all falls apart for me, Rob. And here’s where Britney Spears comes in…. I’m not feeling the chemistry between you & Reese. You portray very appropriately this young, “I’m finding my way- living free, making mistakes, looking silly but growing up” stuff & then when it comes to the real, deep sexual, raw chemistry, it falls short. You do the dorky, young guy stuff perfectly, but can’t quite perform as the man (See? Britney Spears) The Rob Pattinson “awkwardness” you’ve perfected in your roles plays great for a teenager (Edward) & college student (Tyler, Jacob). But when faced with a smoking’ hot all woman co-star like Reese, the role commands a MAN to take control of those scenes & force the passion. SHOW US your love for Marlene. SHOW US you want her. We know you do. We read the book. We can tell a bit by your actions. But I want to SEE IT so badly that I run out of my seat and try to climb in the movie screen to take you for myself (Oh you’re right- I’d do that either way!)

I think it could be that your good looks are to your detriment, too. If you were slightly less hot you could be the funny, awkward Seth Rogan (or even Adam Brody!). But instead you’re on a wholleeee other level. So we expect Brad Pitt. And you don’t have the confidence yet to sex it up Pitt-style. Well, I don’t think you do. But in case you want to prove me wrong I’m here. Willing. Able. Always.

So Rob… take off your shirt, hop on top of a cliff & sing about how you’re not a boy, not yet a man…

All I need is time…. a moment that is mine… while I’m in between,

After the jump (can you guess!?)….. Continue…

76 Commented

Water for Elephants: We came, we saw, we wept, we learned a lot, we joined the circus

*spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen WFE yet… or read the book…*

This ish was reeeeeaaaallll cute

Dear Rob,

Even though my MOM got to see Water for Elephants before me (Thursday at midnight) and is clearly a bigger fan than I am, I’m the one with the blog so I get to talk about seeing it to thousands hundreds ten people and tell them all the things I learned from or thought about whilst watching the latest in your canon of film making… So without further adieu…

Things I learned from/thought/said out loud while watching Water for Elephants:

  • Unless you read the book you will never get why its called “Water for Elephants.” you’ll just be left wondering how the heck robert pattinson ended up as an almost veterinarian if he can’t even bring the dang elephant some water. I mean she was forced to steal some lemonade while her dumb ass handlers gave each other googly longing eyes.
  • Dudes and their ladies who are not Robsessed will give you the dirty side eye when you are your friends giggle/sigh/whisper/point at the screen at any of the “Rob” scenes. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself so you grab your friend and start making inappropriate noises while humping an arm rest. What’s the problem with that dudes and your lady friends? Geez.

Everybody Loves Rob... even this lady

  • The Grandma from Everyone Loves Raymond will just happen to see Water for Elephants during your screening and you will wonder if she’s secretly apart of Twilight Grandmas or maybe she’s that more mature commenter who hints at being a grandma… We see you Doris!
  • Smuggling a Diet Coke in your purse from outside the theater because you refuse to pay 10 bucks for a soda is never a good idea. The lid will inevitably come off when you’re trying to look nonchalant in front of the 17 year old ticket taker and the delicious Diet Coke will slosh around and drench your make up bag, cell phone charger and your Team Edward button.
  • Reese Witherspoon will make you seriously consider Googling “Trick Horse Riding Lessons” when you get home. Or in the bathroom on your phone after the movie is over.
  • Christophe Waltz will simultaneously scare the piss out of you while making you reconsider the top of your dating age limit.

Cheers to me being SUPER hot, kids!

  • This movie should really be called Lemonade and whiskey for Elephants.
  • Seeing Rob climb out of that trunk in a wig, nipple tassle, make up and ladies clothes makes you wonder if that’s just another Saturday night for him. (Spoiler: it is!)
  • If you tell your boyfriend/husband/lover/gay friend/best guy friend/Craigslist hook up that you want to see the new movie with that dude who played the crazy Nazi colonel in Inglourious Basterds he will probably be confused and think it’s a new kick ass Tarantino film and go with. It will not be a kick ass Tarantino flick but whatever gets them in the seats right? Cause it must have worked for how many dudes of all ages we saw at our screening.
  • Reading about August being a cruel animal hater/abuser/crazy person is much easier than seeing it actually (fake) happen on film.
  • Did Rob really have Edward colored hair when he and Reese get it oooonnnn in the hotel room? Can some Robsteners trace this back to Kristen being sick as some point? I want to see a gif and flow chart illustrating this by the end of the day. GO!
  • These people drink A LOT of champagne… these are my kind of people.

Yup, I'd like to grow old with you

Water for Elephants really is a magical, sweet, sad, great movie. Rob impresses me more and more each day and I really can’t wait to see what films he does next. I can’t wait to see him really bat one out of the park.

Lemonade and Whiskey for Elephants,

So who went and saw it? Ok, I guess the better question for some of you would be HOW many times did you see it? Were there any embarassing groans/moans made in your audience? Did anyone clap when Rosie did her tricks (someone did in ours), who wants to start Letters to Christoph?

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41 Commented

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