The Rob Pattinson Theme Park

Rob- I was up till 3 am making the new LTR pretty Sunday night and out late last night with Papa Choice celebrating my birthday on a boat (that didn’t move) so Cath and drsaka saved the day with a letter to you!

Dear Rob,

We’ve noted that there is now a Harry Potter Theme Park.

Of course, we‘re hoping that a significant portion of the park is devoted to your excellent, rosy cheeked English school boy character, Cedric Diggory, and his ‘wand’. We plan to visit soon to explore this possibility! However, this gave us this idea and hope: A Twi-theme Park! We’re very excited by this idea: imagine, being able to have a full sensory Twi-experience! It’s the realization of our acute, fond hopes.

So for our wish that this concept will be realized, we have suggestions for this park. The park will be comprised of different areas devoted to aspects of the Twilight Saga, and naturally Edward will have a big role in the park.

In the interest of full commitment to the dream, we have commissioned a team of artists and craftsmen to design and produce animatronics or robots of the beloved Twilight characters, especially Edward. We will spare no expense to avoid the animatronics looking like this:

or like this:

We hope that your Twi-theme Park experience will give you a Cullen smile!

Interactive Twi-Rides and Experiences:

Our interactive rides are designed to give you a unique Twilight experience. Rides that we offer are:

The Spidermonkey: Racing up and down trees on the back of a robot Edward.

Haunted Volterra: Travel underground through scary passages under Volterra while interacting with beloved members of the Volturi.

Volterra Labyrinth: Experience Bella’s heart-pounding two-minute journey to save Edward by finding your way through our replica of the city of Volterra in a yellow Porsche. You will arrive in the square just in time to save Edward (available every hour on the hour- reserve your experience now!).

St. Marcus Day Festival: Experience the exuberant atmosphere of our St. Marcus Day celebration. Red cloaks available for all.

Cullen Bumpercars: Have fun with your friends on the bumpercars (little silver Volvos, red Chevy trucks, red BMWs, and yellow Porsches).

Rollercoaster at Vampire Speed: Experience the thrills of traveling at the speed of vampires on our rollercoaster in cars each with a replica of our beloved vampires!

Forks Prom: Dance with Animatronic Edward at the Forks high School Prom! Huge number of twinkle lights extra.

We are proud to announce our three exclusive Wii™ Twilight Experiences!

Vampire Baseball: Engage in the American past-time with our exclusive Wii™ Twi-vampire baseball game! Be Team Edward!!!

La Push Surf: Surf with the gang at La Push Beach in another Wii™ experience. Surfer-stoner van and licorice extra.

Wolf Pack: Run with the wolves through the Quileute Reservation in another exclusive Wii™experience. Special feature: you will be able to hear the pack thoughts!

Sparkling in the Meadow: Relax in the meadow with animatronic sparkly Edward! Odd, wonky leg positions are included.

Imprint Inc.: Experience to thrill of being imprinted on by a random stranger (stranger will accompany you throughout the park closely for the rest of your visit and possibly for the rest of your life.

Leghitch:

This will be our most popular attraction! Experience the legendary leghitch with an animatronic Edward. Alert: the animatronic Edward attraction is often unavailable due to repairs; call ahead to avoid disappointment. Due to unfortunate occurrences  during the testing phase of this attraction, real actors portraying Edward will no longer be available due to liability issues and pending legal action.

Concessions:

A replica of the Forks diner will be available for your dining enjoyment of steak and cobbler. Also on the menu are garden burgers, Italiano, including mushroom ravioli, spinach salads and edible art. Specials will include chicken and biscuits, Nando’s chicken, In-and-Out burgers, meat filled Hot Pockets, microwaved carrots and HobNobs. We offer one beverage, Heineken. For purchase, miniature replicas of chocolatehead Edward will be available

Shopping:

We are pleased to offer a one-stop center called ‘Shopping with Alice’. Personal shoppers portraying Alice Cullen, will assist each and every patron until they drop from shopping. Pea coats, giant mittens, prom dresses and tuxedoes are available. We specialize in tweed couture.

For party and wedding preparations, we offer each client a Personal Alice to plan single every aspect of your event. without consulting you. Twinkle light in trees available. Bows are extra.

LTT/LTR Shop: Thanks to UC and Moon, we are proud to offer exclusive merchandise from the LTT/LTR store. Do not pass up this opportunity to own these wonderful items inspired by the contributors of the LTT/LTR fandom!!!!

Coming in 2012! Fan Fiction Bookstore. Come in and peruse the myriad of Twi-FanFiction choices! Available for purchase is the highly anticipated BI Coffee Table book! Purchase CDs from the Park in-house band, The Weeping Ovaries! Adult only section of the store closed to those under 18 years old. There will be FF reading by the authors: medical personnel will be available to revive patrons.

Additional attractions will be added in the future. One such attraction will be:

Three to a Tent: Spend a night in nature in a tent with two actors portraying Edward and Jacob as the fight over you and you freeze. You will  be provided with a sleeping bag with heating pads to stimulate a ‘Night with Jacob’ while listening to the actors recreate the “Truce until Morning Scene’. An experience not to be missed!

Dear Rob, these are our suggestions for the assured-to-be-wildly successful Twi-theme Park! We look forward to visiting and experiencing these attractions for ourselves! We hope that you’ll be available to visit the park at the grand opening!

Sincerely,
Cath and drsaka

So LTR women, what attractions would you like to experience at the park??? What other Edward rides should there be?? Tell us your suggestions!

Ugh, girls? Isn’t it obvious? We just want a simple  Edward ride 🙂

Business Time:

Don’t forget that to celebrate the BRAND NEW LTR we are giving away a tshirt from our LTT_LTR Store! All you have to do is comment- we’ll randomly pick from amongst all the comments this week! The more you comment, the better chance you have of winning!

Thanks so much for all the great feedback for the new LTR and LTT look. It’s been a long process and managing a site this size is a big task  (unless you want to pay someone which we can’t afford!) We know there are some weird kinks & stuff. If you’re having trouble SEEING the new sites, clear your cookies & your cache. That should fix it. We’ll be adjusting things as they come up, so if there’s something you think we’re not aware of, please email us! Moving to this new site design allows us a LOT of freedom to roll out some cool features, so we’re excited to do that soon! XOXO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Thanks to Robsessed for those awful pics of Rob

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