Debbert- A story of True Love

Dear Rob,

Today’s LTR is going to be a bit different. You see last week I was forwarded a Rob Pattinson fan fiction. You heard that right. Rob Pattinson. It was written by Debbie- a story about the love between her and Rob. Moon & I discussed how we needed to present this. Should we do a dramatic reading? What if we wrote a screenplay & made a film? But then we were sent a break-down that our friends Amber & LiLI (from Shack of Soul) did one day instead of working. And after we stopped working to read, and cried and laughed and cried some more, we decided we couldn’t keep this to ourselves. This is long. There are no pictures. This is very unedited and there are timestamps. But This is WORTH EVERY MINUTE you will spend reading it.

Sadly, the fic has now disappeared or been locked up (It was originally found here) but it started out with pictures (pictures of what seem to be the actual people the fic characters are based on) of Debbie, her bff & family, her mom & step dad, Ken, her priest (I think) The Band Strypr. It makes sense when you read the break down. Sorta. And the first time Debbie & Rob get errr sexual she describes wearing a “beige bra.” So if you ever hear us tweeting/making reference to a beige bra (or if I text you a picture of my own) that’s where the joke comes from.

In case you don’t have time read it all (but seriously- YOU NEED TO) here are the “chapters” of the break-down you can scroll through to get a taste. You won’t be sorry. Well, unless this is really you, Rob, reading this. Then you’ll probably be sorry.

But since you’re going to listen to me and read the entire thing, you can do that after the jump! Continue…

110 Commented

Breaking it down: Rob stars in a remake of Yentl

Dear Rob,

We spent a good part of Wednesday afternoon wondering why everyone was talking about “Amish Rob” and what did that mean? Why were you Amish? Had you grown a beard over night and drove a horse a buggy to set forsaking all modern conveniences? Had you just watched The Witness and got inspired by Harrison Ford and wanted to make a bird house? Had you grown tired of your Rumspringa and joined the church? Turns out some behind the scenes photos from your upcoming Vanity Fair spread had hit the webs… we break it down and about half way through figure out the Amish thing after we made up our own scenario…

Oh hai

The one where we try to figure out what’s going on
Moon: OMG MAN rob vanity fair behind the scenes pics
UC: oh WOW looks ….different
Moon: theres a hat!
UC: that hat! where is he going?!
UC: omg haha that’s so gay SO GAY
Moon: it’s like Lennie from Of Mice and Men
UC: hahahaha
Moon: omg! I have it! Have you seen Yentl??? with Barbra Streisand?
UC: no! but can imagine! he looks jewish… OR AMISH
THAT’S WHY THEY’RE CALLING HIM AMISH ROB!
Moon: now it makes sense!!
.

Rob the Yeshiva boy!!!

The one where Rob’s Jewish
UC: omg this is gonna be a disaster if this endds up looking hot… i just… will be shocked
Moon: he looks like freaking Anchel or Agvidor or a classmate in Yentl. He’s about to breaking out into “PAPA CAN YOU HEAR ME???!! Papa can you see me? Papa can you find me in the niiiiight?”
UC: hahahahhahahahaha
Moon: this is him off to hebrew school/Yeshiva…
.

Shabbat Happens

it’s SO that movie. dude if this vanity fair cover is not Yentl themed we’ve been jipped!!
UC: hahahahahahahhaha

I'll be your Schiksa! (This is my life people, I make things like this)

Moon: who is the Hadass in this photoshoot?! because i volunteer to get an AWFUL perm to play hadass!! THAT is committment.
UC: hhahaha
Moon:this will be me playing the role of Hadass to Rob’s Agvidvor and they could even get Tom Sturridge to play Anchel!!
UC: you look just like her with your red hair
Moon: me and Hadass… separated at birth… and tribe…
.

The one where Canadia rules

What we'll be wearing when we immigrate to the great white north

Moon: DUDE this is the week that just keeps on giving! it’s like nothing for weeks and months on end then BAM we hit the end of February and the world loves us again
UC: of COURSE they’re back in Canada. Canada rules apparently
Moon: canada loves us and wants the best for us. it’s time to immigrate i think. this is a sign
UC: plus it’s apparently really easy to stalk set & get away with it! Screw America
Moon: clearly. TOO many rules and safe guards here. canada likes it’s unsafe and possibly open to crazies. this is where we need to go
UC: plus with Palin 2012 coming up we’ve been talking about where to move
Moon: if palin and glenn beck enter the race, i’m coming for you canada!
.

I'm a man baby!

The one where we talk about Fan Fic and fail
Moon: can we give it up for this shot?
UC: yeah… that’s hot, i mean… doesnt look like him…kinda looks like Edward but it’s hot
Moon: if vanity fair doesnt want to go my Yentl version of the photo shoot than DAYUM ill be alright with just that photo. he looks like a “man” again
UC: YES
Moon: it’s like we’ve watched him grow from college boy to MAN. woah
UC: WHOA. seriously… he looks like he’s about to make some trades on wallstreet here
and it’s hot. i’d do him at his desk at lunch time as long as he’s not in one of those office spaces where he shares with other junior traders.. since he’s new to trading & works 90+ hour weeks
Moon: you’d rather do him a la THE OFFICE… holler old FF!!
UC: hahaah i forgot about that!
Moon: THAT is this rob

Whips? Chains? Computers? File Folders?

UC: YES he is “whips & chains Rob”
Moon: was that s&m??
UC: yes! The office… oh wait, no??
Moon: isnt the office just about a guy and some secretary? did i mix them up? and wasnt the dom and sub or whatever about s&m??
UC: yes! maybe?
Moon: ff readers everywhere are cringing at us… “this has been an episode of girls who sort of read like 4 chapters of a fic once discussing it now”
UC: did they do it on top of a plate of cookies?
UC: a different type of cookie every day? brought in for an office party? by a sad girl… afraid to sleep? 🙂
Moon: no cookies… was that other one that EVERYONE loved that i never finished
UC: ME NEITHER
Moon: it was like the first…. OH OH WIDE AWAKE…
UC: hahaha
Moon: this should be a weekly post by us: “moon and uc talk about stuff they dont know anything about!”
UC: Moon & UC review fan fic!
Moon: this sounds like our first twilight convo! “that guy is so cute… what’s his name? robert patterson! from harry potter?” Totally like that. But Yentl… Yentl, I know!

So in the end it turns out “Amish Rob” was “Yentl Rob” in our hearts and we really know bubkitss when it comes to fan fic but one things for sure, we LOVE seeing you out and aboot (yea Canada we got you!) in Vancouver or via pictures from upcoming magazines we’ll wallpaper our laundry rooms in. THIS is what makes blogging fun. YOU!

Papa can you seeeee me??
Themoonisdown

So what’s you think of Amish/Yentl Rob? Do you want to be the Hadass to his Agvidor? Would you serve him potatoes in your parents dining room? OK, I’m a fan. Clearly.

Source: Robsessed, Absofreakinglutely, other places?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

104 Commented

Our Itinerary

Urban Cowboy

Dear Rob,

We read your GQ interview interview today and, on average, are 88% certain you have read our site (more to come on that theory later). As a result, we want to extend an offer to you to come stay with us in LA next weekend. Yes, we said US. I (UnintendedChoice) am flying from Philly to LA next Friday night to spend an entire 5 days with Moon. This is quite the miraculous event as it will be only the 2nd time we have seen each other in 6.5 years (We met in 2002 at a semester-away program and said 1 phrase to each other the entire 4 months we lived together- the phrase was “Wanna become real friends in 6 years and start a blog about a boy who is currently 15?”)

It is mere coincidence that we happen to be starting our weekend together the EVENING of the Midnight Release Parties for the Twilight DVD. But we will be taking full advantage of the fact. We’ve been busy planning our itinerary, and if you see any events of interest, remember- this is an open invitation and you are welcome to join!

Here is a quick preview of what we’ll be doing together:

• Writing extremely smutty fan-fic, cause there’s nothing better than sitting with a close friend and sharing what gets you really hot.
• Doing our best Nikki Reed & Kristen Stewart “faux lesbians” impressions wearing Doc Martens and skinny jeans, while hand-holding, skipping down Robertson Blvd, sharing a ciggie while the paps “just happen” to be following us
• Attending a Border’s Midnight Release Party where will WIN all the contests they are holding while elbowing 14 year olds to get our copy of the DVD signed by the #2 gaffer and head plumber from the set
• Watching the DVD over & over & over again, pausing on all the scenes where you look the hottest while spooning in Moon’s bed (UC’s making her famous popcorn)
• Dressing UC’s husband and his best friend up like vampires and making them act out our fan fic while we give them direction like “act more vampire-y, MORE EDWARD! Show me UNDEAD!”
• Acting out the Meadow Scene at Griffith Park (where they ACTUALLY shot part of the scene in the movie! We will find the spot of grass that you touched, Rob, WE WILL!)
• Writing letters to ourselves (letterstoUCandMoon.com coming soon to a computer near you)
• Watching all of your movies on YouTube (we both still havent’ seen The Haunted Airman) & all clips online EVER that mention you
• Throwing a slumber party with Ashley Green and Rachelle
• Video chatting with Clare Pattinson and discussing how you need to eat more
• Plotting world domination one blog at a time!

We know you’re busy getting ready to shoot New Moon, but we wanted to extend an offer for you to visit during the time when we’ll be together. The house will be crowded- UC’s husband will be there and so will his bff, and the boys are taking the couches, but Moon has a big bed and there will be a spot for you in between us, if you’re interested. We do have one little request, if we could. Please be sure that when you come to LA, you’re looking as such:

We will focus on the movie with you looking like this in between us on Moon's bed. We will. We will not be thinking of all the bad things we want to do to you. We Promise.

Love,
Us

794 Commented