How I fell for Rob: The Well-behaved Fan Girl

Dear Rob,

You know how often Moon & I complain about how behind we are on our email correspondence & apologize to everyone who writes us because we feel so bad? We hate not being able to respond to everyone and we truly do try to write everyone back, eventually. Of course I bet no one believes me because I never believe that when I hear other people say it. HOWEVER, today we’re going to hear from a girl who sent us a letter on May 31st of this year. Almost FIVE months ago. For almost 5 months this email sat, waiting to be acknowledged in our inbox, and last night, it finally was. I’m sure by now it’s author hates us for being so rude for 5 months, but we’ll ignore that fact.

PS: Moon has been away with family & I miss her terribly & we haven’t been able to connect. That’s why we haven’t written YOU personally lately. Also you are lame and have been MIA except for 1 tweet about you biking around LSUs campus which is obbbvvviously not true because #1- biking requires exercise & eating hot pockets 24/7 kinda cuts into exercise time. And #2: I just have a feeling you don’t know how to ride a bike. Unless it had training wheels. Which just gave me a major Cullen Smile to think about.. so I’m going to keep focusing on that idea- you on training wheels biking around LSU. In a huge-ass helmet.

Loves,
UC

How I fell for Rob

Thank God I grew up, huh?

Dear Rob,

I wanted to write and tell you how I fell for you. But then I realized it was pretty much like everyone else. I watched Goblet of Fire and thought, “cute kid, shame he had to die.” I saw Vanity Fair with Reese and… Oops! Sorry to bring that up! I rented it and did not watch the deleted scenes. (I know, I was a bad girl. But, needless to say I’ve seen them now!) Anyways, then I read Twilight. I was Team Edward! And then I heard that little Cedric Diggory was gonna play Edward and thought, “oh, please. That kid!” (I had forgotten that you should have grown up since I was already “grown up.”) So, I saw the movie in the theater…still Team Edward. And then the turning point for me- I bought Twilight on DVD. Only on the pretense that the next movies were gonna be better! Oh, and the reason that I bought the 3 disc version…it was on sale! So, then I watched the DVD extras…Team ROB!!!!!!!! That’s when you won me over. With your humbleness and adorkability, your accent and your ability to play both guitar AND piano! But, that’s pretty boring. So, let me tell you how I wish I fell for you…

Let’s go back to the days when you were filming Twilight in Portland and I was living about 20 mins away. (That part is true!) One day I decided to head over to Powell’s Bookstore for some new reads. While walking along the aisles looking at the covers of my new books, I tripped over some long and lanky legs. You, Rob picked them up and handed them to me looking intensely into my eyes. “Hey, are you wearing contacts?” I ask, “because you have the weirdest looking yellow eyes.” “Yeah, ” you say, “I’m an actor and I’m embracing my character.” We then get into a convo about acting and how I used to do theater in high school. You invite me out for coffee and we talk for ages. So, I leave my husband before he leaves me. (Unfortunately true again.) And we live happily ever after before the Mullephant sinks her bull hook into you!

So yeah, that didn’t happen unfortunately. And now here I am writing you this letter that you will (hopefully) never see! I’ve entered into every contest trying to catch a glimpse of you in person and even went to the Open Casting Call for Water For Elephants!! (Another dream that didn’t come true!) You’ve reverted me back to the days of my only other crush- Mark-Paul Gosselar! (Sorry, not a NKOTB fan!) You know you watched the reruns of Saved By The Bell, Rob! Or at least the College Years- don’t admit if you watched SBTB The New Class! And you are a much better catch, although he was in that band Zack Attack!!

Well anyways, I’m not giving up on my dreams so you’d better watch out! But, I promise to be a well-behaved fangirl- at first!

Love,
Your Future Mate

Keep sending us your letters- even if it takes us 5 months, we WILL respond. Unless you’re a “Grandmother who desires to meet Edward Cullen” like that email we got yesterday. That one will just get posted on my Facebook wall for all to poke fun of.

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The Year I Was Obsessed with Robert Pattinson

Rob- it’s a holiday in the US, as you know since you live here now. Well, yesterday was the holiday, but no one likes when holidays are on weekends so we celebrate them on week days. It’s something we do. It’s the American way. Well, everyone is celebrating except for me (UC) because my job is lame, and I have to work. BOO! Anyway, sit back, relax, grab a hot dog or 3 and enjoy the story about The year Beaspoon was obsessed with you!

Gorgeous in Red. Check. Rich. Check. Rob on her arm. Check. Yep- I hate her

Dear Rob,

I’m loving all of the set pics from WFE, especially the pictures of you and Reese Witherspoon. She and I actually have a LOT in common. My maiden name is Witherspoon, and people used to ask me all the time if I was related to her. Sadly, I’m not, but I digress. She and I also both have daughters named Ava Elizabeth. Reese and I are also both filming movies with you right now. Wait, no, that’s not true I guess. SHE’S filming a movie with you, and I’m making a movie with you in my head. Every day. And night. Big time.

Sometimes I think about what my life was like B.R. That’s “Before Rob” but you probably already guessed that. A year ago, I had never even HEARD of you, can you believe that? Then my twin sister told me she was reading the Twilight saga and I LAUGHED IN HER FACE! “Vampires?!” I said, “You can’t be serious…no way am I reading that juvenile fiction crap.” But, alas, one day later (yeah, I sort of don’t do too well with peer pressure) I was reading “Twilight” and I finished all 4 books in 5 days. I still didn’t know who you were though. So I convinced my husband to watch Twilight with me me (“Vampires! You’ll love it, I am SURE of it!” Yeah, he hated it, but don’t let it get you down, Rob. He was just jealous.) I was, instantaneously, obsessed.

You should know that on the outside, I appear to be a completely normal person. I’m a 29 year old married mother of two, I stay home with my kids and live a pretty great, but simple, life. But on the inside? I’m like a 12 year old girl, pining for you in a way I have never obsessed about another person before. It’s ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! I spend an hour every day reading websites about you. I read Twilight and even Rob fanfiction–I’ve read hundreds of stories starring a completely fictional Rob or Edward! My laptop wallpaper USED to be a picture of my ridiculously cute kids, now it is just ever-changing pictures of YOU. Sigh. My husband hates you, even though he’s been getting awesome sex for a year now, he still can’t stand the mere mention of your name. He totally knows who I’m thinking about when we’re getting down and dirty, he’s just in denial. And I’m not talking about the river in Egypt.

Sometimes I wonder if I will look back on this year in my life and fondly remember it as “The Year I Was Obsessed with Robert Pattinson.” Except my obsession with you doesn’t seem to be waning at all. So maybe this is my life now. You are my life now. Tee hee, I had to slip that in somewhere.

PS–I’m even one of those crazy people that bought an “I Drive Like a Cullen” bumper sticker, but then was too afraid to out myself in public so it’s just sitting in my dresser drawer. Yup, that kind of crazy, Rob.

Crazily Yours,
Beaspoon

So I can TOTALLY relate to this. Especially when she said she thought she’d look back and remember this time fondly. I thought this obsession would wane. Its changed, that’s for sure (a Roblosophy for another day!) but it sure hasn’t gone away!!! What about for you!?

Pic Source

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138 Commented

How I Fell for Rob, NOT Edward!!

It’s time again to share another story of how one of our readers fell for Rob… RobRuinedMe shares her story today

So you're saying this guy doesn't turn you on?!

Dear Rob,

I am a 28 yr old, intelligent, practical and sensible woman….Or at least i WAS till a few months ago….Let me explain how you’ve totally ruined and corrupted me (you beautiful bastard!!!!)…..I saw you for the first time as WHOLESOME Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when i was still a Draco Malfoy fan… You barely registered in my conscience at the time because of your squeaky clean Huffelpuff image…. (You see, i have a thing for BAD BOYS but that’s a tale for another day)….Fast forward three years and i came across a trailer for “Twilight”  on Rotten tomatoes and was intrigued…..Dear hubs always trusts my judgment when it comes to choosing movies for the weekend movie/dinner date, so off we went to our local AMC…..I had watched the trailer at home on my laptop’s tiny screen so i was totes unprepared for your imminent assault on my “senses” and might i add “sensibility” …..

Here comes dreamboat!

I bit the bait when i saw you strut into that blasted cafeteria …When the camera zoomed in to catch your golden eyes in the biology lab the hook got twisted in deeper….You totally reeled me in when you jumped back from Bella’s bed after the first kiss and leaned on the wall with your impossibly sexy,tortured, shadow-lit face…….

I Wiki-ed the shit out of Twilight after i got back home and discovered “Twilight THE BOOK”…For a rabid reader like myself that was like manna straight from heaven…..I promptly smuggled in copies of all four twilight books (Mind you i was still hiding this from dear hubs due to utter shame over my fan-girlness….I never really fan-girled over anything like this even when i was a teenager so how could i admit to this now!!!!)….

You're dumping me for a 16yr old?!

I snuggled in with my copy of Twilight ready to be swept into the awesomeness of EDWARD and BOY was i in for a surprise…..I was struggling to stay awake through whole chapters of Bella whining (or) Edward whining (or) BOTH whining about the other’s whining……How could this be?……I always fall in love with characters and not actors (Case in point: Draco Malfoy)…..This was really confusing…..I then discovered Jacob the character and i was hooked again…..Jacob’s angst was much more multi-dimensional and complex than Edward….Plus he has a kick-ass sense of humor and no girl can pass up a dude with a wicked wit….So i redirected my obsession to Jacob and finished reading all the books squarely on the side of Team Jacob ….It wasn’t hard at all then because all Edward had over Jacob was your pretty face…..Plus, why would a chick prefer ice cold Edward to hot smoldering Jacob …It was so against my own sexual intuition…..Heat-Friction-Sweat….Get IT!!!!

Follow the cut for RuinedbyRob’s full decent into Robsession
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111 Commented