The British are coming!

well myello there

Dear Rob-

So by now the cat’s outta the bag and everyone knows you’re going to be presenting at the Oscars. You’d think a major world event had happened with the text messages, emails, tweets and calls I was getting when the news leaked Monday night. I have to say I’m kinda more excited about this than should be allowed by any rational adult. But can you blame me? This is the first real thing you’ve done in months! It’s been too long, Robbie, and I can’t wait to see you! So upon hearing the news, I immediately text UC, who was out with her Hubster on a date night.* I know, I know! But this was NEWS!! News we had been debating all day and it was finally true! So, hun since this is a big night I have a list of demands you MUST follow (trust me, you will be rewarded):

01. Please shower and shave before you show up. Scratch that, I’ll come over myself and personally take care of this item. Don’t be alarmed if I show up with squeegees and grease cutter; it’s for your own good

02. Avoid Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet… stick it to him for saying you were boring, like that guy knows ANYTHING about personality, he tried to high-five a blind guy

this is our secret sign... lick your lips and it's on!

03. If Kstew is presenting with you, make sure she lays off the green for the day, gets her hair professionally done and SMILES. I can’t take any sour puss fighting for screen time next to you

04. Once you show up in LA, proceed directly to my house, do not answer any texts from Nikki Reed asking you to help her with groceries or getting more packing boxes or whatever idea she comes up with. It’s a ploy!!

05. If Mickey Rourke starts looking angry, run the other way… that melty face could body slam you. Love you Mickey!

Good luck Rob! Oh, and if I’m unavailable, your date better be Clare or TomStu
XO
Me (themoonisdown)

Sources:
Twitter
Emails
Instant Messages
My mom
text messages
The postman
You ladies
Twilighters Anonymous
Hit Fix
The President included it in his state of the union

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Mrs. P's "Rob"-solutions

Dearest Rob,

Here are a few of my New Year 2009 “Rob”-Solutions:

1. I promise to visit *stalk* you in L.A. more often. It’s only a short drive from Chulajuana… and sitting in a car for 3 ½ hours is not too much to ask of someone you love. I know how much you want to see me, and I promise to make more of an “Effort”. Plus, then you won’t have to waste time with girls like Katy Perry, Camilla Belle, and Nikki Reed. I know you don’t really like them,(helping Nikki move was such a nice thing to do…considering…) but I know how much you prefer my company, so I’ll indulge you. Plus, my cousin lives right up the street from you (ok. not right up the street, it’s like at least 10, or 20 miles away, but close enough that I can use her as my cover. I can’t let my husband find out about us. He wouldn’t understand) (Read more of Mrs. P’s hilarious 2009 Rob-solutions after the cut or the jump or whatever the hell you’d like to call it!)
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