drunk | Letters to Rob

Meeting some of your “friends” ruined THE fantasy, Rob

Posted by themoonisdown on April 11th, 2011

Dear Rob,

You may have not been in San Diego this weekend for Rudy’s (aka Keisha Knight Pulliam) birthday but some of your fellow countrymen were. Though I will say I totally thought the first guy was faking the accent for at least 5 minutes, but when his totally toasted friend joined us I knew no drunk boy had the stamina or presence of mind to keep up a fake british accent for that long to say “lit-trally” that much.

I appreciated Nick and John (their names) for chatting us up in a room full of creepy old dudes and for their willingness to put up with our dumb questions BUUUTTT I must insist on a few things from your friends and maybe even yourself next time we meet. First, if you approach a group of ladies toting a mojito in your hand, it just confuses us. If we’re drinking gin and tonics and your glass has more frou frou and umbrellas than ours we might think you are le ghey. If you insist the mojito is your thing and you insist on living the island life while outside your country we must insist you not drink it through a straw because it LIT-TRALLY looks like you’re sucking on a… well you know. Also please put up with us as we inadvertently create international incidents by insulting your military. But accept our apology when we back track to say England taught us everything we know but then we used it to kick your asses in that little revolutionary war skirmish. But we love you as allies, we really do!

Essentially what we met… only in denim

Also don’t think we’re the CIA trying to figure out if you’re lying about why you’re here but we LIT-TRALLY really don’t understand what the crap you’re saying and why you’re helicopter pilots/gunmen/crewmen in San Diego and how you got here. So come up with a good story as for why you’re here and how you got here.

If we ask lots of probing questions like “Yes, you’re from London, I get that… but what NEIGHBORHOOD are you from?” It means we really are interested and we love the civil engineering of your great town and not because we’re wondering if you know where the Barnes after school theater program is and if you attended oh maybe 5ish years ago.

I also appreciated that they humored me when you told me you were from the East End and I brought us East Enders. We did refrain from asking any Prince William and Harry questions though we REALLY wanted too especially since they are helicopter pilots in the British Army and who doesn’t love a Prince Hot Ginge story or maybe some insight into the much ballyhooed Royal Wedding.

Oh and here in America when one wears denim on denim we LIT-TRALLY call that a “Texas Tuxedo”… a questionable look.

Perfect for your mojitos!

And lastly I now know that most of the LTR girl’s real life Rob run in fantasy is to meet you drunk in a bar somewhere but I found out the harsh reality: it is just that, a fantasy. Because after talking with drunk brits for a bit there is NO way in hale we’ll be able to understand you after 10 mojitos either. This is a deep, deep sadness.

It sounds posh… but it isn’t!
Themoonisdown

So (minus our english girls) who’s had a similar run in with some brit boys and not only pumped them for information (inconspicuously of course) but been super confused the entire time? Would the Rob fantasy of meeting him drunk in a bar ever really live up to the fantasy? Did anyone else celebrate #birthdayRudy? Need a wardrobe for meeting British boys? Go Here!

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Posted in: Friends of Rob, Rob, Rob's Friends
Tags: , bar, British Boys, drunk, Prince Harry, Prince William, robert pattinson, Texas Tuxedo

Stuff guys say about Rob – Any Brit will do!

Posted by themoonisdown on February 10th, 2009

Dear Rob,

Just so you know, other guys pretend to be you. It’s quite brilliant, actually, since there isn’t enough of the actual you to go around. Any guy pretending to be you could potentially get a lot of chicks. In fact, I’ve made it quite clear to Mr. D that if he pretends to be you this Saturday night for Valentine’s Day, he’s in for a treat!

C & K had a great experience with a Rob-imposter that C shared with us via e-mail. Watch out for this guy- he’s stealing your moves!
XO,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown

“I thought I would share with you both a delightful escapade that my friend K and I had this past Saturday night. She and I decided to go out for a few drinks to celebrate the weekend. We met up. We went dancing. We got hit on by random guys, none of which hold a candle to Rob. Until we met Random British Hipster Dude on the street at 2 am. Our conversation was such:

Random British Hipster Dude: Are you ladies headed home?
Me and K: Are you British? (As you can see, the accent had not escaped us, however, the drinks previously imbibed had apparently hindered our judgment.)
RBHD: Yes.
Me: I would totally bang you right now.
K: Me too.
RBHD (apparently on a cell phone with another British Dude): Did you hear that, Tim?
Me: Oops.
RBHD: So am I coming home with you ladies tonight?
Me: Only if you promise to call yourself Robert Pattinson all night.
RBHD: I am Robert Pattinson.

Let me point out of course, RBHD was NOT Rob. If he was, I would not be writing this email, I would be tied to Rob’s bedpost or something like that. I do not believe that RBHD had any idea of who Rob was, and was therefore willing to take his name in vain.

And of course at this moment, K and I collapsed into giggles. We did not go home with Random British Hipster Dude, as both K and I are married to wonderful men. But I thought it warranted a share with you both.

xoxo
C”

HILARIOUS! Do you know what else is hilarious? All the amazing entries we’ve received for our Twi-alentine’s Day Contest. If you have something amazing to add- send it our way!

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