Rob takes it back a decade with a goatee

Dear Rob,

Remember when I said I was like way into your beard and you looked super cute and fluffy and scruffy? Well, you went to Paris and lost your mind (screaming fan events will do that to you) and shaved it into a…. GOATEE. Did you actually step onto a time machine instead of a plane at LAX? Cause hot damn, I’m glad I recently unearthed all those Doc Martens in my closet.

I’m glad you continue to test our limits, how much do we REALLY love you? The goatee reminds me of these kinds of dudes…

Of course when news of your goatee spread UC and I came up with a list of reasons WHY (on god’s green earth) you would shave your beard into a goatee…

Hey Rob I wore this weird teacher's whistle necklace to distract them from your regrettable facial hair choices. You're welcome

1. 90s grunge cover band lead singer
2. Just found out he’s gonna be a dad
3. Doesn’t wanna get laid
4. He really loves the mid 90s is contemplating a “soul patch” next but wanted to work his way down
5. Going to Lollapalooza and is worried about beard maintenance at a festival
6. Is hoping to get a promotion at enterprise rent a car to mid level manager
7. Looking to impress the boss man at his annual insurance convention in Grand Rapids
8. Toyota is running a deal: 1000 cash back on all Sienna mini vans to guys who look like dads. He loves the extra room abd trunk space. Comes standard with navigation. And automatic rear door
9. He read about my recent unearthing of all my doc martens and he thought I might like him more if he looked more crunchy. He told Claire to send him his old flannels and ripped jeans
10. He’s been re-learning his favorite nirvana songs on guitar
11. Next style change: going blonde. Goatee too. Just the goatee!! And maybe some frosted tips. He brought along a box of color and is asking Ashley to dye his hair when they’re in eastern Europe. Feels appropriate. May even grow a euro-mullet… Or slight rat tail.

Clearly, your next facial hair steps on this European tour are soul patch/Flavor saver, dye the facial hair to platinum blond. Shave the soul patch and keep the mustache. Then come back to LA and fit in on the east side. We see your mad perfect facial hair plan. I’m not liking it but I’ll gladly welcome you back to LA with a moustache.

All my 90s love,

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39 Commented

Rob is creepin me out but then totally redeems himself!

Dear Rob,

Because we need to break down those pictures of you on the Water for Elephants reshoots but because we’ve both exhausted from work and couldn’t discuss yesterday and because we love creepy stuff and we’ll get to you in WFE NEXT TIME I present to you… the creepiest NEW stuff I could find of you…

Woah! You’ve never done mid sentence pictures well, I mean who does? But still take a cue from Julia Roberts she talks through her smile… or maybe just comb your hair down a little…

I titled this picture “wide mouth” for a reason… I mean you might be able to deep throat that microphone if some awesome reporter/LTR reader pushed it up just like 3 inches. BUT REALLY what’s more shocking, the diameter of that mouth or how frozen Vanessa Williams fiveforehead is?!

Multiple angles of this horrid ILL FITTING velvet jacket. Sure, I’m happy to blame this on age and stupidity, we know this is from the Harry Potter premiere

Now there are some cute Rob wallpapers out there and all but this scares me, it’s something about that american flag mouth and the tongue and the Texas tuxedo Rob’s wearing the the quote… WHAT in the hale is going on here?!

Rob hungry, Rob want braaaaaiiinnsssss

Ok, ok so you creeped me out a bit but dude you SOOO made up for it with these……….


DUUUUUDE you and Andrew Garfield?? Yes. Just yes. ALWAYS yes.

And we promise we’ll get to your WFE stuff soon. Hopefully.

Aren’t these super creepy? But dude AGarf (my new name for him)?! Anyone else excited for the Spiderman reboot with him? I am! Now if only we could have gotten TomStu in the middle there… awww perfect world…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

93 Commented

Rob tests our Deal Breaker limits, again!

Rasta bro

Dear Rob,

Please witness the following email conversation between me and UC after I sent her this picture (to your left) of you out in London…

From Moon:
Subject: So… Rob’s in London now

the beard is bigger, the hat is still on and he’s wearing a BOB MARLEY shirt. is rob now THAT GUY??

we like him???????? 😉

From: UC
i’m QUESTIONING how I ever did.. I need that beard gone & that bob marley shirt off STAT

i think it’s time for a round two of deal breakers. B/c covering “no woman no cry” is DEF a new one of mine!

From: Moon
YES, starting with this picture. GOOD LORD.

we all love a good reggae song but it’s usually when we’re at least 6 pina coladas deep at the Sandals resort and the cover band starts to strangely look like the guys from Oceans 11. But in real life? And on Rob? No.

It’s like at any moment you could become “Ras Trent” from Saturday Night Live… the lame white college boy into Reggae for the first time…

Sorry, you had to read the unedited version of our feelings on your current “look” right now, Rob, but it needed to be said. When I wrote the original deal breakers post last year, you stuck to your side of the bargain and didn’t throw on some jorts, or show up at the shore with some gold jewelry. But we didn’t think you’d go rogue and make up this lumberjack-college-dude-vacationing-in-the-islands look. I get that you’re on vacation but at least have some shred of dignity and use soap when someone hoses you down.

This really leaves us no other choice then to revisit our dealbreakers and come up with some new ones since you seem to need boundaries…

  • Oakley sunglasses worn backwards on the neck

The back of TomStu's mini truck (click to enlarge)

  • Driving a mini trucks with stickers of Calvin peeing on stuff (ie the rival team, Ford/Chevy)
  • Anything from the Dennis Franz collection of dingy short sleeved dress shirts
  • Nasty dreads, namely where three of them have somehow fused in the back to form one long nasty one that reaches your butt. And inevitably smells. OF COURSE.
  • Tattoos involving the Looney Toons (Taz playing basketball)

Rob's version of a frat shirt

  • Wearing a Frat TShirt long after you’re left college
  • Dirty hippie wanna be guys who “perform” Capoeira or has devoted a good amount of time to mastering “the art” of devil sticks (pretty much the guy in this video is a deal breaker) in his basement to perform at the drum circle on Venice Beach.

You know last time we gave you a free pass and said we’d pretty much still bone you even if you did some of the dealbreakers, but I gotta say it man, you’re toeing the line awfully close PLEASE don’t make us break up with you. PLEASE. Just shave, throw on something semi clean and “get caught” taking Clair out for brunch and we’ll forgive you.

But seriously, knock it off.

PS It’s alright, feel free to listen to Ras Trent like 2309402894357 times cause it’s that awesome

So what are your deal breakers? Any news ones that have popped up since Rob started down the dirty trail?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

170 Commented

It'll be our little secret – Robert Pattinson, Boy Model!

My mom is a Modeling Agent...

My mom is a Modeling Agent...

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus and blog editors and fans everywhere-

Can we all just agree that THIS never happened? And stop posting these pictures everywhere?

It seems like just the moment my brain has been cleansed of these glamor shots a new set of these retched Miu Miu pictures resurface.

Why God, WHY???

And the caption “Robert’s First Time?” If nothing else screams Skeezy McGee, than these do, Star Magazine! Who do you have working for you, some creepy pedi rejects from “To Catch a Predator?” And their whole job is finding disturbing pictures to post from stars first gigs? Where do I sign up??  I mean… uh gross!


My eyes are up here... LADIES???!!

Of all these creepster photos, this one to the right is the one that looks most like Rob NOW but also the most disturbing. The pose, the oddly strewn tie/scarf and what looks like daddy’s old boxers which turns out are apparently swim trunks. WTF was the stylist thinking?

Just please, I beg of you… MAKE IT STOP! Have we not suffered enough this week with the whole TUCK Scandal ’09 and now THESE!

I don’t know how much more my heart can take… I’m gonna have to hit up some old Saturday Morning Delights to cleanse the palette AGAIN.

Loving you no matter what… but please stop!

PS where the heck are some new press pics for NEW MOON?! Hello, Summit? We’re dying… THIS is what we’re dealing with right now, PLEASE for the love of God help a sister (and some brothers) out and throw us some new HOT Edward pics. Or the Wolves! The Wolves…

Pics from Robsessed!

As of this am we are WINNING in the Dazzle Awards! ZOMG! But by like nine votes…. We NEED to win this award that means nothing. WE NEED TO. So vote for us NOW. Vote MULTIPLE TIMES (I find that in order to vote multiple times in a day you have to use different computers and/or different browsers. Perhaps you can head to the library, sign onto all 20 of their computers and use their 2-3 different browsers. kThxBai) Dazzle Awards Biatch

761 Commented

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