Rob’s making a list and checking it twice 2011 edition

Reminder note: There are THREE auto-playing video ads- two in the side, one ALL the way below. Hit the volume button ONCE & it should mute them for eternity.

I've got lots of awful gift ideas for you this year!

Dear Rob,

It’s the first day of December so it’s time we start getting serious about the upcoming Holidays. So some semi interesting reporter asked you a quasi interesting question about what’s the best gift you’ve given or gotten for Christmas…

A boiler for your parents?! Come on Rob. I know think you’re the practical gift giver. You’re the guy who’s going to give someone wool socks or a gift certificate to XXX not something someone actually wants. Sure, your parents need to replace the boiler but you’re rolling in it now, why don’t you just do that NOW and get them something like matching Rollex’s for the holidays? Imagine Dick flossing SO hard in London with his Rolli! He’ll be all up in their charity Christmas dinner yelling for the oldsters to wave their Rolli’s side to side.

It’s really too bad Rob… a boiler over Rolli’s… or here’s my other genius idea you can’t steal because I’m going to send it to them but maybe it will inspire you. Yes, I would get Dick and Clare a subscription to an eggroll of the month club. We witness first hand their love for stuffing them in their mouths and enjoying the crispy goodness. Who can blame them! Take that Josh Hutcherson’s turtle!

I have a list for the rest of your special someone’s…

This isn't on their lists

The sisters – a promise to introduce them to Ryan Gosling at an upcoming event, party, whatever it takes, even if that means playing Ryan’s little brother/annoying friend in an upcoming film. Cause this is what brother’s do for their sisters. Especially when the Gos is involved.

Tom Sturridge – the used razor you used to shave your own beard. You heard the ladies were over the Sasquatch look.

Sam Bradley – Same as last year: copy of “Robert Pattinson’s guide to not creeping girls out when I sing by eye f*cking them till it’s awkward” and a new blazer from Dick’s closet and ONE hoop earring from Clare’s jewelry box. But because he’s been such a good pal this year he’s also getting him a pair of personalized Nike’s, one that says Bram and the other says Sadley.

Neither is this, try again!

Taylor Lautner – a gift certificate for Taylor and Big Daddy and you and Dick for a Father/Son retreat weekend at the Culinary Institute of Tuscany (sponsored by Olive Garden of course)

Kristen – Another bearskin rug (those things wear out easily) oh and a turtle.

So let me just say sure, go ahead and give them the boiler cause you’re a good son and clearly you’re listening when your parents complain about it but get them some REAL gifts dear. Come on now.

Happy Holiday Shopping!

Who else does Rob need to buy gifts for that we left out? Dean? Some man jewelry?

Read last year’s list

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

10 Commented

The Apprehensive Twi/Rob-Spy susses out a possible Rob/Twimom

So it’s happened- for the first time EVER both of us are away & without the interwebs. While Moon is completely disconnected in Africa, UC is only in South Carolina… but her vacation home doesn’t have internet- SERIOUSLY? What kind of freakin’ vaca home 2 blocks from the beach with a pool IS THIS? (Said while Moon is serving selflessly the neediest of children & orphans in Kenya) This week instead of hanging up a “Gone Fishin’ ” sign, we are bringing you some fan letters, some fun & games & a simple week. So rest up as we do too and we’ll be back with you in full-force next week! Oh- pending comments will be approved but slower than usual- Moon has to send me a carrier pigeon from Kenya then I use a morse code to hack into the Pentagon & route their servers to LTRs to approve your perviness. Don’t worry- the president probably won’t see. So rest easy while we’re away. You’re in good hands today- our soulmate Heyyybrother writes you a letter!

Could she be a secret Rob fan?

Dear Rob,
Last weekend, being the good daughter that I am, I went to visit my mom for the afternoon and spend some quality time with her.  Ok, ok… I was really taking advantage of her pool, air conditioning, and laundry facilities since I have none of the above in my apartment, but a little QT with Mother Dearest was an added bonus.  So there we are, sitting by the pool chatting, when the conversation starts to slow down.  I grab my iPod and pick up my copy of Water for Elephants to entertain myself with, when suddenly my mom says “Oh!  They’re making a movie about that book!  Someone…famous…is in it.  I can’t remember who……”  Now, you might think this is no big deal, but my mother is so clueless when it comes to all things pop culture; she has literally no reason to know they’re making Water for Elephants into a movie.  Unless… no, can’t be…

Maybe it’s a fluke?  Maybe she just saw something about it on Access Hollywood while flipping through the channels?  That’s what I thought, or at least hoped, at first… Until later that night when we were watching a certain Harry Potter movie on TV and suddenly she gasps “IT’S EDWARD.”  Crap.  SHE’S A TWI-MOM.  This is bad.  Real bad.  Assuming she is a true blue Twi-Mom, surely I would have noticed this sooner?  … Or would I have?  I don’t live with her, when we talk it’s usually about the latest family dramz, and, quite frankly, I’d sooner talk about sex with her than Twilight.

Is that the special Twilight boxed set I see?

So, instead of doing the sane thing and just flat out asking her if she has a creepy hobby where she spends her time stalking a handsome star younger than her own children, I figure the only option is to do some reconnaissance.  Commence Operation: TwiSpy.

We’ll start with the obvious things first:
– Check the bookcases for books.  Does she have a special Collector’s Edition?  Does she have a extra “lender” copies?  Journals? Movie companions?  Twilight Manga?
– Check the dvd storage knowing full well that she hasn’t purchased anything since “Christmas with the Kranks”, so if she has Twilight or New Moon, she’s already too far gone.  Don’t forget to check inside other, unassuming dvd cases, in the event she’s cleverly stowed her ROBSESSED disc inside The Passion of the Christ.
– Check the closet for a Team Edward t-shirt, excessive plaid, or an abundance of blouses with shoulder pads.

From there, we’ll move onto more obscure things:
– Check her browser history.  Has she bookmarked every Twi-Mom site out there?  Is she a member of the Twi-Mom’s facebook page?  Has she bookmarked a dozen sites with Twilight  Party ideas?  Is there a red bathmat bookmarked on her wish list?
– Check her iTunes library.  How many soundtracks does she have?  Any Bobby, Marcus or Sam would be a dead giveaway, especially considering she hasn’t playing anything other than Michael Bolton, Yanni, Kenny G, and Clay Aiken in years.  If she has any Brit-Pack music AND shoulder pads, there’s a good chance Janetrigs has drunkenly harassed her one Friday night.
– Check the bathroom to see if she’s switched exclusively to strawberry and freesia-scented products prominently featuring glitter.

Is that your mom over there?

Truthfully, I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I go digging.  There are dark days ahead.  Allow me to apologize now should my mom ever show up on the sidelines of one of your premieres with a glitter-puffy-paint sign declaring her love for the sparklepeen.  I just pray that, if she is a Twi-Mom, she never discovers that I like it too.  It’s only a matter of time before she has us all holding apples for the next Christmas picture.  In which case, the next site you’ll see me on will be

The Apprehensive TwySpy,

Are you following our awesome contributors? Well you better be following Heyyybrother after you read today!

And yes, that is my (moon’s) mother up there in that puffy paint shirt, you’ll remember her letter here. Have you had to become a Twi or Rob spy to suss out a friend or family member’s true allegiance?

and you know what…. even though LTR will STILL be around this week, why NOT hang a “Gone Fishin'” Sign? Especially if it looks like this:

Submit your While Moon was Gone entries!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

68 Commented

Rob MIA from Eclipse International Press. Why? He’s got a GREAT reason!

Don't worry about me guys, too busy stuck in this doorway to head to other countries

Dear Rob,

So either you got hella lucky by scheduling a film during Eclipse press time or you have Summit by the balls because you haven’t had to leave my fair city of Los Angeles to travel the world and schlock Eclipse like Taylor and Kristen have. And they can’t give the New Moon excuse of you being more of a peripheral character so you’re not as integral to the press for the movie cause Edward is all up in this one, like a Twihard at a 100 Monkeys show or an LOD-er at a Britpack show, or Ascot Phil in Bobby Long’s biizzzznnnaaaassss. You get the picture.

So I’m gonna go with the latter. You tell Summit how high you want to jump and they say ‘that’s perfect Rob! We’ll send over a fruit basket and keg to your undisclosed location in the woods/hotel/car park of In-N-Out.” Well, work it dude cause the more you stay here in LA the more that gives me opportunities to “run into you” and also it saves me a TON of time because now I don’t have to watch interviewers from Germany awkwardly ask you about your alleged relationship with Kristen and you don’t have to spin it into a story about body odor or male pregnancy. THANK YOU! I truly owe you a lot for this.

I now have a lot more time to pour over the hours of Stephenie Meyer interview tapes or try to figure out how to hack into your parents GPS system so it routes them right to my front door. They’ll have a lot of fun, trust me. I have a bbq grill and enough scrapbooking crap to last 10 lifetimes, what more could a Mom and Dad want?

Who knows what you’re up to cause if you’re not with me or in my presence I don’t want to think about it, cause having you within the same city limits as me and not knowing where you’re at is maddening. Really, what could you be doing? You haven’t been seen anywhere, shooting anything, doing anyone… that is until today when this picture surfaced from a new photoshoot…

If THIS is what you’ve been up to instead of heading off to foreign lands than NEVER LEAVE AGAIN! PLAY ON SIR… PLAY ON!!!!!!

If you haven’t already made this your new computer desktop wallpaper than now is the time… don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Off to find this dried up patch of land with a brooding Rob in it! Peace out bitches!

So what’s Rob been up to since we last saw him at Leno? Besides stalking UC and me at the SMeyer interview… How quick did this become your new wallpaper? Why do you think he’s not traipsing the world promoting Eclipse?

New hottness photo from Robert Pattinson Life

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

95 Commented

Rob: I love your parents and you on Leno

Dear Rob, I've found this site that writes letters to you every day... they seem like swell gals, you should meet them!

Dear Rob,

Today, we were supposed to take a “day of rest” to prepare for our upcoming interview with Stephenie Meyer by NOT blogging and instead focusing on the books and our questions. Then I went to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and I met your folks and well, that idea went out the window.

I LOVE your parents. Not don’t let this get weird. You know we’ve written plenty of letters to your parents over the past year or so and they’ve even become somewhat of little mascots around here. Who wouldn’t love Dick (our pet name for him) and Clare. That was until I MET them and now I REALLY love them…

Let me back up. I got tickets to the Tonight Show and ran my booty over there and as the Gods would have it Ashley and I got sat a few rows away from the front right in front of you and Jay Leno, so we were in prime position for what I now call one of your best interviews. You doted on your parents for a majority of the interview, reading emails from your Dad, talking about your mom reading tabloid magazines and generally trying to make them blush. It was FAN-DAMN-TASTIC! Dean even looked at me during a commercial break. Maybe he noticed the gleam in my eye or maybe it was the fact I was on the aisle just mere feet away from you in your SUIT but he smiled at me. And I had that moment of “HE KNOWS!!” Then Emma Roberts said she was Team Jacob (are you CRAY CRAY, did you see the skinny tie, girl?) and you told that bitch where to go. And that was that.

Have you seen this skinny tie and the suit I'm wearing?!

We thought that’d be the end of it and we’d be on our way… WRONG. So we filed out after the taping and stopped to talk to some fellow LA Twi/Rob fans and noticed some folks hanging around waiting for the celebs’ cars to leave. We saw what we thought was Rob’s with Dean in the front seat and thought it was time to leave. THEN your parents walked out and some of the lingering fans clapped and yelled for them to come over. And what do they do? They grab their camera and COME OVER! After your mom took a picture of the people waiting around to talk to them I knew they were super cool. Pattinson family scrapbook!

They were so cool that even though they felt silly signing Twilight books (wtf, people?!) they did it anyway and acted gracious as the group gave them a billion compliments. One being Ashley who thanked them for having such a great son. AWWWWW! Come on, what parent doesn’t want to hear that? Then being the dad he is Dick decided to ramble on and tell us some stories, he didn’t know you even read his emails! As I asked him for a picture (I know, I don’t know what came over me, I NEVER do that, it was the power of Dick!) he happily agreed and grabbed me into a hug to capture this amazing moment in time. FINALLY I met one of our favorite people here at LTR: DICK PATTINSON!

Even though I’m cheesin’ pretty hard I think this deserves to be my Christmas card, “We’ve moved” announcement, my twitter avi, my AIM/gchat avi, the background on my desktop, and framed on my mantle. Ok, maybe I won’t go that far, but this was an epic moment no doubt.

As your Dad continued to tell me about their rental Jeep, Clare was over talking to some other people and signing some stuff…

She’s smokin’ hot Rob, I know that’s weird for you but it’s true. Work it OUT sister.

Then as Dick told me about how the GPS system in the Jeep has an English accent and I told him it’s as if he never left home, Clare came back and told Dick (or Rich, as she calls him) that they had to be off. I guess to do whatever it is that Dick and Clare do on a Tuesday afternoon in LA (be awesome?). I took this picture of Dick still telling me about the GPS and you being busy until the weekend and Clare having to drag him off… I love dads.

This is pretty much the best picture ever.

So that’s how it went down. Me and your parents just chilling in a parking lot in Burbank being awesome, talking about Jeep’s and GPS’s and your work schedule, you know just another Tuesday. I also decided that I will be starting Letters to Dick (LTD) tomorrow. Hope you’re cool with that.

Next stop? Pattinson Family Christmas!

Srsly, how epic is this?! I would NEVER normally ask anyone for a picture but this was just too good. Did you watch Rob on Leno? Do you agree with how great it was? And the suit… THE SUIT. Oh man.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Follow the cut to watch Rob on the Tonight Show

285 Commented

Robert Pattinson, The Nerd, My lover!

Dear Rob-

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… I love me some nerdy Rob. I’m not joking… bring on the glasses and lame ass rainbow sweaters ANY day and I will be all over you like white on rice. So apparently this is form The Bad Mothers Handbook (im such a good fan I know everything about you… sorta. uh not really) which I really need to see. Please have your mom Clare send me a copy from her personal collection of all your greatest works.

I think I have what professionals might call a “nerd fetish.” Please help me… make my day and talk nerdy to me Rob!



49 Commented

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License

LTR Privacy Policy

Sponsored by